


Shake The World

by Ilerre



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Domestic Violence, Established Relationship, GTOP, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot Collection, Sexual Assault, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-24 22:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 53,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilerre/pseuds/Ilerre
Summary: A series of one-shots
Relationships: Choi Seunghyun | T.O.P./Kwon Jiyong | G-Dragon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	1. A Question Of Legs

**Author's Note:**

> I only publish fanfiction. I don’t want any debate in the comments about what happened with Seungri.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was all a question of legs.

0

It was all a question of legs.

Jiyong was small, yes, Seunghyun knew it, Youngbae knew it (but would never admit to being smaller), Daesung knew it, Seungri knew it, the fans knew it.

Everybody with eyes knew it.

But what a pair of legs he had.

They were long, slender and _perfect_.

Seunghyun would give just about anything to have those legs wrapped around his waist or resting on his shoulders while he made love to his husband. He loved them. They were his guilty pleasure and one of his favorite things about Jiyong's body. His ankles were slim, his shins and calves skinny but muscular, his thighs— _god_ , his thighs—creamy, hairless and oh so soft, but so, so masculine it drove Seunghyun crazy most of the time.

Feeling them on either side of his head, brushing against his cheeks when he took Jiyong in his mouth and feeling the small singer unconsciously press them against his head was something that could make him come just from thinking about it.

"What are you thinking about?" Jiyong breathed in his ear, straddling Seunghyun in the bathtub and continuing to pepper his chest with small kisses.

Seunghyun chuckled and sneaked his hands under Jiyong's thighs underwater, gently caressing them. "Your legs."

Jiyong stopped his ministrations on Seunghyun's chest and looked up, damp hair combed back and eyelashes clinging together from the steamy atmosphere in the bathroom. "My legs?" he asked and tilted his head to the side, looking more like a curious kitten than a thirty something adult.

Seunghyun nodded as he licked his lips and continued to rub his hands up and down Jiyong's legs. "Yeah. And how much I love them."

Jiyong hummed and shifted slightly to sit on Seunghyun's lap and wrapped said legs around the tall man’s waist. "What about them?" he asked and started to leave a trail of small, gentle kisses along Seunghyun's collarbone and chest again.

Seunghyun leaned back against the white porcelain of the bathtub and closed his eyes with a hum. "They're beautiful," he said.

Jiyong smiled against his skin and lifted his hands to gently massage Seunghyun's scalp, now kissing his neck. "Uh-huh, what else?"

Seunghyun chuckled deeply. "They're—lean and slender, but you know, not soft like a woman's."

Jiyong lifted an eyebrow. "Should I be— _flattered_?"

Seunghyun shook his head. "You _should_ , they're strong and muscled and I love them."

Jiyong hummed again and Seunghyun felt him cross his ankles behind his back. "Did you know," Jiyong asked suddenly, perking up with a grin, his brain working as fast as the heart of a hummingbird and shifting subjects in a flash, "that from hip to toe I have 3 foot 6 of legs?" he asked with a sweet smile on his lips. "So it means you have 6 foot 12 of love wrapped around you."

Seunghyun laughed a full belly laugh and ran his hands through Jiyong's hair. "You spent a lot of time thinking about it, I'm sure."

Jiyong nodded eagerly. "Yeah."

Seunghyun chuckled and leaned over to kiss Jiyong passionately. "I love you," he whispered. "And your legs."

Jiyong laughed against his lips. "I love you too."

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	2. After Every Party I Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong knew Seunghyun was pissed when he didn't kiss him back in the van.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : non graphic sexual assault

0

Jiyong knew Seunghyun was pissed when he didn't kiss him back in the van. They had just spent the night in a nightclub celebrating the end of their long and tiring MADE tour and were on the way back to the hotel, but something wasn't right. 

Jiyong glared at nothing and narrowed his eyes at the angry sighs and barely restrained violence Seunghyun showed by banging the doors of the cabinets inside the bathroom. The small rapper pursed his lips and strode purposely (or at least staggered) towards the open bathroom and glared at Seunghyun's back. "It's not my fault!" he rasped.

Seunghyun turned; his face completely baffled and shook his head. "I never said it was your fault, baby," he answered softly.

Jiyong opened his mouth to retort but closed it immediately in a snap, biting his tongue in the process, surprisingly short on words. "Yeah, well, you make me feel like it is," he muttered, rubbing his painful left wrist. He blinked lethargically at his limb and puffed his cheeks, trying to chase the blur away, only to be greeted by painful bruises marring his pale skin.

Seunghyun sighed and leaned over the sink, shaking his head. Straightening up, he walked to Jiyong, grabbed him by the waist and nearly carried him to sit on the bed. "Sit before you fall over, I'll go and grab some ice for that," he murmured soothingly, kissing the top of Jiyong's head.

Jiyong nodded absently and when he lifted his head to respond, Seunghyun was already walking briskly toward the living room to grab the ice from the Champagne bucket. "Why didn'you kiss me?" he asked but had to clear his rough throat to be understood. "Why didn'you kiss me?" he repeated miserably.

Seunghyun came back, the bucket in one hand and his mobile phone in the other. "What?" he asked as he sat on the bed behind his small lover and grabbed a piece of ice cube.

Jiyong hissed at the icy sensation on his sensitive skin and burrowed in Seunghyun's chest. "In the van…why didn't you kiss me back?"

Seunghyun chuckled and shook his head. "Baby, I don't know how much they spiked your drink but…you didn't kiss _me_ ," he laughed quietly while gently rubbing the ice cube on the bruised and battered skin.

Jiyong tilted in head in several different ways before looking up at Seunghyun, his eyelids heavy by the drugs slipped in his drink. "Who'd I kiss?" he slurred, and Seunghyun narrowed his eyes in concern as he felt his body sag more heavily on his chest.

The taller man kissed him on the cheek and grabbed another ice cube. "Daesung," he simply answered. "But don't worry he knows you've been drugged. He was the one nearly punching to death the bastard who did that."

Jiyong blinked disbelievingly at him. "''ve bee' drugged?" he slurred, eyes wide like saucers.

Seunghyun nodded grimly, his previous mirth forgotten and his anger of earlier coming back tenfold. "Yeah. Don't you remember what the guy tried to do?" he whispered gently, hugging Jiyong protectively against his chest and unconsciously rocking him while still tending to the bruise.

Jiyong seemed to curl up on himself and turned to hide his face in Seunghyun's shirt. "Sorry," he mumbled.

Seunghyun shook his head and dropped the half melted ice cube back in the bucket and started wiggling his finger to get sensation back in it. He grabbed Jiyong by the waist and dragged him up onto the bed and laid him down tenderly, sitting next to him to get his shoes, pants and shirt off, leaving the small man in only his underwear.

Smiling lovingly at Jiyong burying his face in the thick comforter, Seunghyun also took his clothes off, throwing them haphazardly on the floor and lied down to Jiyong with a relieved sigh. He gathered his raven haired lover in his arms and hugged him close, gently stroking the back of his head.

"I was scared, Seunghyun," a muffled voice said after a long while spent in complete silence. Jiyong's voice wasn't slurred anymore but had taken an eerie echo instead. 

Seunghyun kissed Jiyong's temple and nodded. "I know," he choked, his voice stuck painfully in his throat.

"I told him not to hurt me…but he didn't—" he sobbed and buried his face in Seunghyun's neck. "I couldn’t fight back," he whimpered. "He kept _touching_ me and—"

Seunghyun tightened his arms around his small lover's shaking body and softly comforted him by kissing his face and his damp cheeks, and murmuring tender words of affection and love.

"But—but you came," Jiyong whispered after a bit. Seunghyun looked down and gazed at Jiyong's tearful hazel eyes. "You're always there for me, Seunghyun."

The taller man smiled gently and kissed Jiyong on the lips. "That's because I love you more than this whole planet," he whispered matter-of-factly, because for Seunghyun there was no other truth. 

Jiyong smiled through his tears and leaned toward Seunghyun, pressing his cold lips to Seunghyun's. "You're amazing, Seunghyun," Jiyong smiled tenderly.

Seunghyun grinned. "Well I try baby," he boasted before sobering quickly, "but loving you is very easy. You're the most precious thing I have, I won't let that go. _Ever_."

Jiyong blushed slightly but nodded at his words, quiet tears gliding down his sharp, pale face. "You've always been better at this than me, I—"

Seunghyun chuckled and kissed Jiyong to shush him. "You write _songs_ about us, baby, I think that's the most wonderful way to tell me over and over that you love me."

Jiyong blinked tiredly at him and nodded silently, yawning against Seunghyun's chest and squeezing himself even closer to Seunghyun.

Seunghyun leaned over to switch off the bedside lamp and hugged the small man, feeling Jiyong’s face rest against his neck, his skinny legs wound through his and his thin arms curl up between them. 

He stared in the darkness until he heard Jiyong's soft and regular breathing, signaling he was finally sleeping peacefully, his body exhausted from the drugs and the aggression.

Seunghyun sighed and pressed his eyes together; was too wired to sleep right now, still under the effect of the adrenaline he felt surge in him when he heard Jiyong scream for help. Finding him on the floor of the dirty club bathroom, a guy twice his size on him, _groping_ him and a hand down his pants. Seunghyun couldn't remember feeling as furious and terrified as he'd been.

If Daesung and Seunghyun hadn't gone to the bathroom to investigate Jiyong's absence, then it would have been too late.

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	3. Asimovian Syndrome

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong felt it at the beginning of their last song.

0

Jiyong felt it at the beginning of their last song.

A small, barely perceptible tingling feeling creeping from the tips of his right hand fingers slowly travelling to his wrist, then his forearm, his upper arm and finally settling on his shoulder.

A dull throb started to pound on his right side and he gritted his teeth, praying no one would notice. He managed to finish the song, barely thanked the public with a wave of his left hand and briskly walked backstage.

He ignored everyone calling after him, knowing it'd become too noticeable if he stayed in public where people could see and slammed the door of the changing room.

Painfully removing his leather jacket with his left hand, he hissed in pain as a hard pulsation travelled through his entire right side nearly bending him in two. He managed to fall down in a chair and leaned his forehead against his knees with his left hand clasped as tightly as a vise around his right agonizing one.

He gritted his teeth when he felt another spasm about to cause him pain and tightened his hand and glared at the ground. He couldn't stand those pains. He hated them and they always seemed to come when he least expected them. During gigs, while driving, while making love with Seunghyun…he couldn't count the number of time his arm hurt him so much in a week time. The pain was always there, always looming in the back of his head, always spoiling _everything_. 

He inhaled deeply with his mouth and he tried to control his breathing as he exhaled slowly by the noise, fighting nausea and praying not to let go of his tight control and just scream and scream. Breathings exercises were the first thing they thought of after a _graft_.

In 1982, _U.S. Robots and Mechanical Men, Inc_ was created by Lawrence Robertson. At that time, he released the first robotic prosthesis that was going to change the face of the world. After that, it was like the world literally embraced Dr. Lawrence Robertson's technology.

Nearly a year later, Robertson and Dr. Susan Calvin were the first, and for many years, to have managed to built an entire, functioning autonomous android.

The Company had spread around the world and was now implanted in every country. It was probably the biggest world multinational ever existing that would never cease to exist.

People thrived with artificial livings doing their dirty or hard work and the Company knew that too well as it established the Three Laws of Robotics. People believed in them like the new Messiah. Their God wasn't all almighty anymore; he was made of metal, scrap and wires. Robertson, together with associates, had constantly been trying to reverse what they called the _Frankenstein complex_ and prove to the world that robots were harmless and useful, and until his death ten years ago it had been his fight every day.

Jiyong hated this world but he was also glad to live in it. This constant and painful dilemma was hard to bear in his life but he was realistic: he knew that without a robotic arm he wouldn't be what he is today. He'd be armless and talentless and he'd only have his eyes to cry and watch his talent cripple and fade away.

You didn't dance and performed and become in idol with only one arm.

Wincing as another spasm shot through his arm, he tried to rationalize. He used to sneer at everything touching _Robots and Mechanical Men, Inc_. When he woke in the hospital three weeks after being hit by a drunk driver when he was thirteen and discovered a brand new, unbreakable arm welded to his bones he didn't know how to react.

With his mother sobbing happily that he woke up, his father looking shell shocked and Dami looking relieved beyond measure, Jiyong didn't have it in him to get mad at them for authorizing the surgery.

After that… it had been difficult. Jiyong had felt weird in his own skin. Felt strange and not _human_. He felt like a hybrid. Half machine, half flesh. He hated when people touched his arm; hell, he couldn't _feel it_ properly. Just some false information send to his brain by a piece of etched circuity.

It was like having an independent part of his body that didn't belong to him and reacted independently from the rest of his body. Hurting him. _Every. Single. Second_ of the day.

The door suddenly opened and if Jiyong could have been sitting straight he would have seen the pissed off expression on his member's face. "What the fuck, Jiyong!" Youngbae boomed as he entered, but stopped dead in his track when he saw the small man curled up on himself around his arm, his grey face drenched with sweat and his whole body wrecked with violent spasms. "Shit, Ji," he murmured rushing toward his best friend, immediately regretting his previous anger.

He knelt in front of Jiyong and winced when he saw the robotic skinny arm tense suddenly and tremble in a mess of taut and stiff wires. The skin had become transparent and Youngbae could see the circuits flash and flicker crazily under the synthetic skin.

The singer gritted his teeth knowing he could do nothing to alleviate the pain and sat back on his heels, running what he hoped was a soothing hand through Jiyong's hair as Daesung sat on his right and gently caressed his knee. He wished Seunghyun was there as he exchanged a worried look with Seungri and Daesung above Jiyong's head, but knowing the older man had stayed behind to calm the ruffled feathers of their manager because of Jiyong's hasty departure from the stage.

He knew his other best friend couldn't do more than he could but at least Jiyong would feel reassured and more peaceful by the presence of his lover.

Youngbae had witnessed them go through one of those attacks for years now, and knew Jiyong usually bore the pain easier while held curled up in Seunghyun's arms.

When after ten minutes Seunghyun didn't come back, Youngbae was about as desperate as he could be, hating to see his best friend in so much pain. He wasn't above admitting he preferred not to see Jiyong like that and totally ignore the problem altogether. Jiyong was so joyful and bright most of the time: seeing him pinned in a chair and shaking and sobbing in agony was the last thing he wanted to witness.

After a while, he felt the trembling slowly subsist and helped Jiyong straighten up in the chair. He watched as his head fell backward on the headrest like a ragdoll as he was left panting violently, his face pasty and drenched in sweat, dark circles marking his sunken eyes deeply. His shaking hands were resting on the armrests of the armchair, flesh knuckles white and sweaty, robotic one nearly digging into the leather before relaxing gradually and just resting immobile.

"Better?" Youngbae asked in a murmur, his left hand gently caressing Jiyong's knee lovingly.

Jiyong smiled wearily at him but didn't answer, only running a trembling left hand through his hair. "Where's Seunghyun?" he whispered hoarsely after a minute of deep breathing.

Youngbae winced at the roughness of his voice and gestured for Seungri to pass him a bottle of fresh water from the refreshment table. Even if Jiyong hadn't screamed in pain like he sometimes did, Youngbae had nearly forgotten he had sung for nearly two hours before.

He sat on the arm of the chair next to Jiyong's non-hurting arm and chuckled. "He stayed to pacify the techs you pissed off by leaving so quickly."

Jiyong gulped half of the bottle, gently thanking Seungri who held the bottle, and leaned back against the chair, closing his eyes. "Knowing my Seunghyun, he'll offer to double their wages."

Youngbae snorted. "Oh yeah. Seunghyun's not good to solve conflict."

Jiyong nodded and rubbed his cheek on his shoulder. "Tell me about it," he muttered, eyes still close, already half asleep.

The rapidity with which Jiyong fell asleep made Youngbae wince at the level of pain he must have just gone through. The pain came and went, often with different levels of intensity but when the level was very high Jiyong tended to be completely sapped of his energy. Double it with the concert they just performed, Jiyong must be nearly dead.

Youngbae gently pushed his fringe and tenderly stroked Jiyong's forehead for a moment, watching him breathe normally. He felt a wave of relief wash through him now his best friend was sleeping and not suffering anymore.

The door opened after a moment, prompting him to stop his stroking and get up to calm the fuming rapper visibly ready to yell at Jiyong.

"Seunghyun," he whispered loudly. "Don't."

The simple command stopped Seunghyun immediately, making him close his mouth in a snap and look above Youngbae' shoulder to see Jiyong sleeping, sitting on the armchair. He frowned in disbelief at the vision of Jiyong's still slightly transparent robotic arm and gasped a gulp of air. "Shit, guys, why didn't you call me!" he hissed furiously at the three men, rapidly striding to the armchair and kneeling in front of Jiyong.

He grimaced at the exhausted look on his lover's pasty face and caressed his cheek. "Shit, baby," he whispered.

Youngbae watched him and shrugged, hands in his pockets. "He's okay," he murmured. "The pain was bad but—we couldn't call you and leave him."

Seunghyun looked above his shoulder and smiled at each of the younger men standing around Jiyong in silent support. "I know, Youngbae. I'm sorry I snapped at you. I appreciate you staying with him. I know you don't like it."

Youngbae shook his head and smiled. "It's okay. And really, who likes to see him like that?"

Seunghyun chuckled and turned back to look at Jiyong. Silently leaning over, his kissed the small rapper's forehead. "I love you, baby," he whispered before he stood up and joined the three other men on the other couch and started quietly discussing the concert they just performed, stealthily glancing at a sleeping Jiyong once in a while.

They'd give him a few minutes to rest before bundling him in warm clothes and bring him back to the hotel.

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	4. Back Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun always thought he ought to be freaked out by the whole situation.

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Seunghyun always thought he ought to be freaked out by the whole situation.

At least more than he was now. The first time it happened, sure, he completely freaked and he also might have fainted but that's not the issue.

The thing is, how could they have even conceived that _it_ would happen after what they did?

They had been kids; stupid and bored, they didn't know better. Throwing eggs on the old house's windows one Halloween night back in the days was the sensible thing to do.

Jiyong being Jiyong; he just didn't want to do it, always the reasonable voice, always the conscience of the group. Youngbae had followed, of course, for him everything was worth trying once and the man lived for that little bit of adrenaline, and Seunghyun well, it had been his idea.

How were they supposed to know that the blind old woman living in the wrecked house on the hill topping the town _was_ a real witch?

Like reading palms, making potions, black cat, cauldron and toad kind of witch. And even blind, the old creepy hag had been observing them by the window, like she _saw_ them. 

When they saw her, Jiyong had wanted to go to her to apologize but Seunghyun and Youngbae dragged him away.

Maybe they shouldn't have. Maybe they _should have_ apologized.

"Hyunni?" a small voice asked.

Seunghyun blinked out of his thoughts and smiled gently at his…lover. Jiyong was sitting on top of the kitchen table, small toes wriggling crazily, a cute, worried frown on his face.

His three year old face.

Who could have believed that real witches existed out there and could curse a person?

Seunghyun leaned over and kissed Jiyong's small forehead. "I'm okay, just lost in thought," he answered and began to tickle Jiyong's tummy.

The small boy giggled and shrieked happily, throwing his arms out to wrap them around Seunghyun. He let himself slide from the table and fell on Seunghyun's lap in a huff and puffed his cheeks. "I was sayin' what'ar' we gonna do today?" he asked.

Seunghyun sighed and patted Jiyong's warm back while thinking. Every year since they were fifteen, Jiyong got somewhat… _de-aged_ to his toddler self for twenty four hours. It had been a shock the first time, and the sheer impossibility of the thing still baffled him even today but he had gotten used to it. Seeing his lover like that made Seunghyun feel even more protective and in love with Jiyong each time.

Of course, such deed couldn't stay a secret and they had to tell their families. Unsurprisingly, Jiyong's family hadn't been _that_ stunned, because mama Kwon had always liked to play with the occult, Jaehwa was into that kind of thing and seeing her son being cursed was for her proof that the gods were real.

Seunghyun's mum and dad had strangely been ecstatic, like people passing by a car crash and watching with morbid fascination, and Seunghyun won't _ever_ forget Jaehwa holding fifteen/three year old Jiyong in her arms running around the house screaming _'I was right!'_ They had taken it all in their stride, but really what could they do otherwise?

Jiyong's and Seunghyun's dad had still gone to see the old witch to ask her if the curse was dangerous but apparently the house had been empty; no furniture, no sign of living; just dirt and dust. A weird weirdo who went like she came; in a puff of smoke without anyone noticing.

They thought that it might have been a one-time thing, but the next year when Seunghyun woke up with a three year old Jiyong curled up on his side they all had to accept that it was a permanent yearly transformation.

"I thought we could go see Youngbae and Hyorin," Seunghyun finally answered.

Jiyong pursed his lips and sighed, sticking his thumb in his mouth and beginning to suck on it moodily. It was another thing; while Jiyong still had his adult mindset, he had to fight with the child inside and find a balance between the two. And from what Jiyong told Seunghyun when he was back to being his real self; it was hard to fight the impulse.

"It's only for today, Jiyong; it won't hurt you to relax a bit and you've been stressed lately, okay? What do you think?" Seunghyun asked gently.

Jiyong frowned but nodded and let Seunghyun carry him to their room and place him on the bed. Seunghyun kissed his forehead and ruffled his thankfully silky natural black hair (because really, seeing a baby with red or blue hair, that was a sight to behold) making it stand wildly on his head.

Jiyong was a cute kid, very undersized for a three year old, but Jaehwa said he had always been like that, and intense, beautiful hazel eyes in a way that was nearly as gorgeous as when Jiyong was an adult.

Seunghyun rummaged through the nightstand for a while and triumphantly held his hand in the air and handed the small yellow pacifier with 'superstar' written on it to Jiyong who grabbed it and placed it in his mouth instead of the thumb.

It was better, their mums had said, and Seunghyun was not going to contradict them. It hadn't been until he was twenty five that Jaehwa and Nayung had allowed him to take care of Jiyong on his own on _The Day_. He didn't want to make them doubt him; he wanted to be able to care for his lover, even when he was three. _Especially_ when he was three.

He turned to their wardrobe and grabbed the black duffle bag they kept at the bottom. He turned to the bed, sitting next to Jiyong who was watching him intensely with happy, unblinking eyes.

Seunghyun sat crossed legged and zipped open the bag, smiling at what was inside. Years of accumulated clothes for children were neatly folded in the bag with a small pair of trainers sitting on the top.

Jiyong stood on the bed, small hands placed on Seunghyun's shoulder for balance and the rapper could feel the thrill of excitement going through the tiny body. "Flashin' 'ainers!" he exclaimed around his pacifier, jumping up and down.

Seunghyun chuckled and put the trainers on the side. "Yeah," he laughed, "Youngbae is a genius really," he muttered to himself. _Really_ , because only Youngbae would have the idea to customize small, red and black Nike baby trainers to make them sparkle with the logo BIGBANG. Jiyong had been overjoyed when Youngbae gave them to him and four years later it was as if it was the first time he saw them all over again.

"Okay, baby. What do you prefer?" he asked while holding yellow designer pants in one hand and a pair of jeans Levi's dungarees in the other.

Jiyong frowned and shrugged, his eyes all on the trainers. Figures; three or thirty, Jiyong was a magpie for sparkly objects.

"Jeans it is," Seunghyun answered for him.

He grabbed Jiyong by the waist and laid him down gently on the bed before taking off the oversized shirt he was wearing. He put tiny, SpongeBob boxers on him, followed by a black t-shirt and yellow socks. The sheer size of them made Seunghyun's throat tighten.

Every year it was the same. He was happy to have to take care of his lover entirely and unconditionally, knowing Jiyong was too young to do it himself, and seeing Jiyong a bit more relaxed and carefree than usual was reviving, but the utter vulnerability and defenselessness of this tiny Jiyong scared him every time.

He had always been Jiyong's protector, even when he was in his adult self, but being confronted with him in this child body made him see how easy it would be to hurt him and do some irreparable damages to him. Jiyong was fragile as an adult, but it was emphasized tenfold when he was a baby. Seunghyun didn't know how his parents had been able to live their everyday lives knowing they had had two defenseless children depending on them when Seunghyun and Hyeyoon had been small.

"Hyunni!"

Seunghyun jumped and looked back down at Jiyong. He was still lying on his back on the bed, staring at him with focused hazel eyes more wise than his body. "I'm okay," he assured, "nothin's gonna happen to me."

Seunghyun nodded, feeling tears prickling at the corner of his eyes and leaned over to kiss Jiyong's tiny face and blow raspberries on his neck and cheeks. He laughed alongside Jiyong's crazy giggles and lay down next to him, gathering him gently in his arms.

"I love you Jiyong."

Jiyong blinked up at him and pressed his tiny, fragile hands on Seunghyun's cheeks before leaning over to give Seunghyun a quick closed-mouthed kiss. "I love you too."

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	5. Bang Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong sighed and frowned at the lyrics he had written on the white paper napkin.

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_Bang Bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich_

0

Jiyong sighed and frowned at the lyrics he had written on the white paper napkin.

He was sitting on a bar stool on the side, away from his friends who were partying and the crazy drunkards of the general population filling the bar. They had just finished the MADE tour and they were going home Daesungorrow.

At last.

"Hey, can I get you a drink?"

Jiyong jumped and frowned at the man sitting on the stool next to him. Too close. The dark haired rapper shook his head while folding the piece of napkin and putting it in his black pants pocket. "No thanks," he muttered back in English, pointing at the glass of red wine sitting untouched in front of him on the bar and shifting uneasily. He hated talking in a different language.

He leaned onto the counter to rest his elbow with his chin on his hand. He shouldn't have come. He should have stayed in the hotel and waited for the guys to come back. He didn't like those loud and drunken parties after an exhausting concert in a foreign country with people he didn't know.

Seunghyun loved them so, like a good husband, he followed grudgingly and didn't pretend to have fun. He wouldn't pretend to be happy about it, those people weren't his Nuthang and he wasn't going to make anyone's life easier while Seunghyun was doing god knows what in this godforsaken Australian nightclub.

Seunghyun knew that and generally didn't leave his side because he knew Jiyong didn't like to be alone and surrounded by people he didn't know in crowded places.

Hence his discomfort at being accosted by a perfect stranger looking drunk and who didn't even speak his own language.

Jiyong tried his best to ignore him and instead turned his eyes on the bartender. He looked harassed and didn't seem to be very happy by the flow of people asking him for drinks. Just seeing him made Jiyong feel irrationally guilty for adding to his stress. Seunghyun would tell him it was ridiculous and that it wasn't Jiyong that was responsible for the man's state, that it was his job, and that it wasn’t good for Jiyong to feel like that.

Jiyong couldn't help it. He hated to be a bother to anyone, even an unknown bartender. Lost in his thoughts, Jiyong flinched violently when he felt a hand land on his forearm and frowned at it. He looked to the side and saw the man who had spoken to him staring at him with something in his eyes that Jiyong didn't really want to decipher; a mix of drunken stupidity and intense lust.

Shuddering when the man licked his lips, Jiyong jerked his arm away from the surprisingly strong grip. He wished, and not for the first time, that he was taller, stronger and not as vulnerable as he felt right now, that he didn't need Seunghyun, Youngbae or Daesung with him every time someone hit on him and made him feel uncomfortable. That for once, he could be the Prince and not the fucking damsel in distress, because really, that sounded really pathetic, even in his own head.

He gulped when the man leaned over, bringing his face closer, and the first thought that crossed Jiyong's mind was to wonder if punching the guy would be painful and if he'd be able to use his hand the next day.

"Hey," the man slurred in a voice he probably hoped was seductive.

Jiyong grimaced and turned his head away. If he was with Seunghyun, Youngbae or Daesung, he'd feel safer and he'd probably look at the man for what he was; tall and handsome with a charming smile. But feeling the man's hip graze his, Jiyong felt fear and anxiety more than anything else, only emphasized by the man's way of undressing him with his eyes.

Jiyong swallowed nervously and wringed his hands on his lap. "I don't need a drink," he finally answered, voice slightly shaky while nodding toward his still untouched glass sitting abandoned on the bar counter in front of him.

The man didn't seem upset by Jiyong's subtle dismissal and moved even closer to Jiyong, this time pressing his shoulder, along with his hip, against the small rapper. "I've been watching you for a while," he whispered in Jiyong's ear, "you’re looking awfully lonely, honey."

Jiyong gritted his teeth at the pet name and shoved the man away with his shoulder. "Back off," he growled.

The man shook his head and laughed as if Jiyong was the funniest thing he had seen in his life. "Ooh, kitty got claws, I like that," he purred in a husky tone.

Jiyong moved to stand from his stool and put some distance between him and the man when he felt a hand creep onto his inner tight. "I said _back off_ , you fucker!" Jiyong yelled, pushing the man violently, making him wobble on his stool and nearly fall onto the floor.

After the man had managed to regain his balance, he turned to glare at Jiyong. "You little slut," he barked, making Jiyong flinch and step back right into someone's chest.

Jiyong turned around and felt a tight knot of anxiety sink into his stomach at the glare he received from the man he had just bumped into. "S—sorry," he stuttered and once more made to leave and find Seunghyun or Youngbae but a hand on his arm kept him where he was. He turned quickly and his heart sank at the vision of the first man, his face red with anger, looking at him in a way that made his skin crawl.

Jiyong winced at the pressure on his forearm and felt the bones grind one against the other. He tried to make the man release him but was unfortunately unsuccessful. "Please," Jiyong said, "I'm sorry, but let go," he pleaded, his arm feeling ready to snap. "Please, I'm married, please, you—"

"HEY!" a strong voice suddenly came from behind Jiyong. He turned and exhaled in relief when he saw Youngbae elbowing through the crowd. His best friend's face was a mask of fury and when he was close enough, grabbed the man's wrist to make him release his hold on Jiyong's abused arm. "Don't touch him, you fucker," he growled, pushing the man against the bar counter and placing himself in front of Jiyong protectively, by physically pushing him back and away from the man.

The man gave Youngbae an enraged look, sneering while he looked him up and down. "You'll take your turn after I'm finished with him, chink," he snarled and Jiyong's eyes widened. Nobody dared to provoke Youngbae when he was that furious, especially by using racist slurs, and the man was probably too drunk to see the look on Youngbae' face.

Jiyong knew perfectly where this look could lead them. He reached a slightly trembling hand to Youngbae' upper arm and fisted his shirt. "Youngbae, it's okay, I'm okay, let it go, please," he said in a voice that he wanted to sound steadier and stronger than it was. He gulped when he saw the drunken man continue to try to stare Youngbae down and felt suddenly even more powerless. "Youngbae? Please, please, you have to calm down, _Youngbae_!" he pleaded.

The drunk sneered at Youngbae and snorted. "So you take order from that little bitch? What're you gonna do? We could share him, what d'you think?"

Jiyong winced at the words but also at the knowledge of how those words would make Youngbae react. It didn't take a long moment and Youngbae suddenly launched himself at the guy, punching him square on the nose. That was a typical Youngbae reaction; punch first, think later.

When Jiyong saw the man slumped on the ground in a heap of uncoordinated limbs, Jiyong entertained the thought that it might be over, that Youngbae and him would go away and things would settle down calmly. Of course, Jiyong hadn't thought about the fact that the man would get up and launch himself at Youngbae and strike back in all his drunken, clumsy glory.

Youngbae avoided the blow easily and pushed the man back, but he didn't expect the fight to spread through the bar like a fucking _wildfire_. Those things didn't happen in South Korea, and Jiyong wondered for a moment on what planet he even was.

He looked around him in horror and saw nearly the whole bar already starting to yell and fight all over the place.

God, what had he done?

Seunghyun was going to _kill him_.

But worse, Hyunsuk hyung was going to make him train and train and train and train until he keeled over for starting a brawl in the Australian bush! He gulped and turned back to Youngbae, hoping he'd notice the mess they had created and get the hell out of the place quickly.

He took a step towards his best friend and managed to hold him back from launching himself at the guy once more. "Youngbae, we have to go!" he yelled, trying to be heard above the noise of the riot.

Youngbae looked back at him and after glancing around with a wince, nodded and grabbed Jiyong by the hand to make sure they didn’t lose each other as they slipped between tables toward the exit.

"What about Seunghyun?" Jiyong suddenly exclaimed, remembering his husband.

Youngbae snorted and shook his head. "Don't worry, he's probably right in the middle of this mess."

Jiyong felt a wave of guilt engulf him and hoped his husband wouldn't be hurt because of him.

They were nearly at the exit when a group of policemen in assault uniforms suddenly swarmed the bar. Panic spread through the fighters and things started to get worse just as Youngbae and Jiyong were separated.

Jiyong looked around him and bit his lower lip nervously but didn't move, guessing that if he stayed where he was it would be easier for Youngbae to make his way back to him. He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his mouth to say something, but closed it in a snap when he saw it was a policeman glaring at him through his helmet. Before he could say anything in his defense, the cop roughly turned Jiyong around and bent him over the bar to firmly snap a pair of handcuffs on his wrists.

Jiyong's eyes widened and heard a voice yell his name on the right. He turned his head and saw Seunghyun in the same predicament; only he was pressed against a wall, handcuffed and aligned with Youngbae, Daesung and several other people involved in the fight.

It wasn't until Jiyong was squished between Seunghyun and Youngbae, sitting on the floor of a freezing damp cell in an unknown police station, in an unknown town of Australia that probably didn't even exist on Google that the small rapper began to realize the gravity of their situation.

Seunghyun was nursing a black eye while Youngbae was dabbing at the blood from the cut he had on his lower lip with his ruined tee-shirt and Daesung was pinching his nose to stop the blood running down.

Jiyong didn't know what was worse.

Maybe it was being here waiting for Seungri to bail their sorry asses out of jail.

Maybe it was the reaction Hyunsuk was going to have when he learnt his wayward jewels were _in prison_ somewhere.

Or maybe the fact that it was Jiyong's fault for triggering a riot.

Or worse; the fact that the drunk from before was singing a Lady Gaga song off key from the cell next to theirs…

He couldn't quite make up his mind.

 _Bang Bang_ , indeed.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics: Beautiful, Dirty, Rich—Lady Gaga


	6. Bastardised Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "And how exactly did it happen?" Daesung asked skeptically.

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"And how exactly did it happen?" Daesung asked skeptically.

Seunghyun held the phone and pushed down the neck of his tee-shirt nervously. "I fell on him," he muttered.

There was a long moment of silence at the end of the phone, only punctuated by static noise before Daesung finally started to speak again. "You fell on him," he repeated. Jiyong. Our little Jiyong. You fell on him." And it wasn't a question.

Seunghyun nodded even though Daesung couldn't see him through the phone. "I was on a ladder," he began to explain, "painting that fucking wall with the wine stain on it in the study, you know?"

Daesung made an acknowledging noise and Seunghyun continued. "We finally got to choose the color of the paint and we decided to do it. He was painting the lower part of the wall and I was doing the upper one and I dunno—I lost my balance in some way and I fell."

Daesung hummed. "On him."

Seunghyun groaned. "Yeah. On him."

The singer was silent for another moment and finally sniffed. "So you're not hurt?" he finally asked in what could only be mock concern. Seunghyun could have sworn that Daesung was holding back his laugher.

Seunghyun chuckled mirthlessly. "No, _I_ 'm not." He shifted slightly on the bed, careful not to jolt Jiyong from his sleeping position on his chest and ran a hand through his lover's silky ebony hair. "He's okay," he said, "more or less," he added as in an afterthought.

Daesung made another humming noise but didn't say anything.

"He's got some painkillers and he has to rest for a few weeks," Seunghyun said, not really liking Daesung's silence. It made him feel guiltier than he was already.

"What is it exactly?" Daesung asked eventually.

Seunghyun ran a hand up and down Jiyong's back. "Rupture of some abdominal muscles, the doc talked about some unpronounceable Latin part of the anatomy I didn't know even existed but all I understood was 'extreme pain', 'rest' and 'painkillers'."

Daesung hissed and Seunghyun could hear him talk to someone near but it was too muffled for him to understand. "Mom says hi and tells me to tell you to put a hot water bottle where he's hurt."

Seunghyun nodded and looked down where Jiyong chest was against his and the hot water bottle already in place between their two stomachs. "Already did," he answered.

Daesung made a positive sound and sighed. "Well, get some rest. Both of you. And for future reference, avoid killing our leader. We need him."

Seunghyun chuckled and felt Jiyong stir slightly. "Will do," he laughed.

"Oh, and Seunghyun?" Daesung suddenly said.

"Yeah?"

"That's probably the stupidest domestic accident I have ever heard. I nearly wish I had an Instagram account to mock you both."

Seunghyun laughed again and shook his head. "I _know_. Thanks Daesung."

"You're welcome. Give a kiss to Jiyong from mom. And from me," he added cheekily.

Seunghyun grimaced and nodded. "Alright, see you soon! Bye."

"Bye."

Seunghyun hung up and put his phone on his nightstand and looked down at Jiyong. The small man was blinking owlishly and looked drugged to the gills on painkillers.

"You okay, baby?" he whispered.

Jiyong grimaced and looked up and nodded slightly as he curled up closer to Seunghyun, yawning against his chest. "Who're talkin' to?" he slurred, closing his eyes and shifting a little with a wince.

Seunghyun kissed him on the forehead once, then his temple. "Daesung, he was at his mom's. I told him what happened. You've got a kiss from his them, by the way."

Jiyong frowned as if it was taking him great efforts to proceed the information but finally nodded. " _Them?_ "

Seunghyun chuckled quietly. "Yeah, even from Daesung," the taller man confirmed.

Jiyong giggled drunkenly and nuzzled his face in Seunghyun's chest. "Cool," he simply said.

"You're high, baby," Seunghyun chuckled as he watched Jiyong sway in his embrace.

The small man giggled again and nodded. "Maybe," he trailed off and laughed. "Perks of being on _legal_ painkillers," he guffawed.

Seunghyun wrapped him protectively in his arms and kissed the top of his head, red hair shinning. "Rest, that's the best you can do."

Jiyong nodded absently and tightened his hands on Seunghyun's shirt. "I'm not mad at you, Seunghyun," he slurred after a while, already half asleep.

Seunghyun nodded and smiled lovingly at his small lover. "I'm relieved."

Indeed he was.

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	7. Because

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the clock rang midnight Jiyong started to understand that Seunghyun wasn't coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : domestic violence

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_Because the world is round it turns me on…_

_Because the wind is high it blows my mind…_

_Because the sky is blue, it makes me cry…_

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When the clock rang midnight Jiyong started to understand that Seunghyun wasn't coming home.

He looked down miserably at the table he had prepared, the wonderfully good smelling meal now stone cold, the lit candles now completely melted and the red wine resting now totally wasted in its carafe.

He looked at his phone resting silent and unmoving on his side. Maybe he should try to call Seunghyun? Maybe—maybe something happened?

Drowning in sudden terror and anxiety Jiyong grabbed his phone and was about to call Seunghyun's phone when he heard the front door open. He stood quickly, running through the living room and nearly crashed into Seunghyun at the front door.

"Seunghyun! Seunghyun! Where were you? I was so worried! I—I—I though some—something happened to you!" Jiyong babbled, his words jumbled and his breathing too quick. "Seunghyun I—"

He felt Seunghyun push him harshly away from him and blinked through his tears at Seunghyun. "Seunghyun?" he asked, not understanding.

The tall man shook his head. "I'm here now and I'm going to sleep. I'm too tired to deal with you tonight."

Jiyong stared at him in disbelief. Surely Seunghyun didn't forget?

"But Seunghyun. We were meant to have dinner together. It's—it's our anniversary!"

Seunghyun scoffed. "So what. Look, I'm tired. I'm just gonna sleep now."

He got up the stairs leaving Jiyong behind, tears flowing from his drawn, sunken eyes. He sniffed and stifling a sob and ran a hand through his hair making it stand on his head. "But it's our seventh anniversary," he mumbled miserably.

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The day after when Seunghyun woke up it was to find himself alone in the bed. He yawned loudly and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. Getting up from the bed he showered, brushed his teeth and dressed. He climbed down the stairs stretching and stopped when he saw the kitchen table still covered with what was probably the dinner he missed last night and Jiyong sleeping on the table, his head resting on his arms.

He entered the kitchen and grabbed a cup from the cupboard slamming it close waking Jiyong with a start. The small black haired rapper blinked owlishly and looked around before turning and looking at Seunghyun, smiling nervously. "You—you didn't come to…so we could get to bed together," he whispered.

Seunghyun shrugged nonchalantly and sipped from his cup. "You're old enough to go to bed by yourself, _Jiyong_."

Jiyong cringed at the use of his full name, knowing that if Seunghyun used it then he probably had done something wrong. "Did—did you have a nice time with your friends last night?" he asked anxiously, wringing his hands in distress.

Seunghyun filled his cup once more and nodded absently. "Yeah," he simply answered, his voice cold and emotionless.

Jiyong stood up shakily and took a deep breath, hugging himself around the middle. "Where—where were you?"

Seunghyun slammed his cup violently on the counter, cracking the ceramic and turned to glare at Jiyong, black eyes full of anger and pupils blown out. "Don't start, Jiyong. I'm not in the mood!"

Jiyong shrank back and closed his eyes, averting his face to avoid looking at Seunghyun clearly still intoxicated and under the influence of whatever drugs he took at wherever he was the night before.

"Are we still going out today?" Jiyong asked helplessly after a long pause and after he gathered enough courage to speak.

Seunghyun snorted. " _Are we still going out today?_ " he repeated, using a high-pitch mock tone, sneering at Jiyong. "You're starting to piss me off. Look at you, look at our life!" he screamed, stepping in Jiyong's direction menacingly. "We became what we always hated. A stupid domesticated couple, celebrating our anniversaries. Look at you, Jiyong, you're always nagging me about cleaning the house or doing the laundry. You're acting like a goddamn wife when we're not touring and even then you're always going on and on about trivial, insignificant _things_." 

He grabbed Jiyong roughly by the arms and shook him forcibly. "I hate this life and I hate you," he growled, jerking Jiyong and slamming him in the wall. "We're together since we're eighteen and I think I deserve a fucking break for enduring _you_ all that time!"

Jiyong sobbed and looked desperately at Seunghyun. "You're hurting me," he pleaded, not sure if he was talking about the physical pain of Seunghyun's hands on his arms or the pain his words caused him.

"Good! Then you will finally understand that I can't stand you anymore, you worthless piece of shit. I'll be better off without you anyway," he snarled one last time before backhanding Jiyong so violently his head slammed into the wall and he lost his balance, falling down and hitting the ground.

Jiyong gasped in pain and curled up a moment trying to understand what was happening to him. He flinched violently when he felt Seunghyun kneel in front of him and looked up to see the man he loved with all his might sneering in disgust. "Look at what you made me do to you, Jiyong," he murmured, using a soft voice.

Jiyong huddled himself in the corner between the wall and the counter and shook his head. "Please, Hyunni, something's wrong, you—" he didn't get to finish because Seunghyun had grabbed him by the hair and was shaking him viciously.

"Nothing's wrong with me!" he yelled. "It's _you_. _I_ don't fucking need you and never had!"

Jiyong screamed in pain and terror, feebly trying to force Seunghyun to let his hair go and stop hurting him. "Please! Please, Seunghyun! Please!" he sobbed and screamed.

Seunghyun jerked him one last time, pushing him to the ground and tearing off Jiyong's shirt, pressing his knee in the smaller man's stomach. "If you're good at something at least it's fucking. You've always been a slut and that's about the only positive thing I can think of about you."

He violently pinched Jiyong's nipples relishing in the shriek of pain that provoked and roughly slammed Jiyong around face down, pressing his face on the kitchen floor, fingers tangled in the silky black strands.

"Always been a good fuck, tight little ass always willing to take it, aren't you, Jiyong? Aren't you my little slut always willing to spread your legs for me?" he spat in Jiyong's ear while undoing his pants and yanking Jiyong's down viciously.

Jiyong shook his head and tried to push Seunghyun off himself by crawling on the floor, scrapping his nails on the floorboard. "Please," he pleaded, his voice barely there from the screaming, "please, Seunghyun, please, please," he repeated like a mantra. "Please, don't hurt me, I love you, please, please, I love you—"

Seunghyun grabbed him by the hair at the back of the head and slammed his face on the floor. "SHUT UP!" he yelled.

Jiyong jerked up in bed, screaming and sobbing violently, flinching when a light suddenly lit up the room and arms surrounded him.

"Ji, what is it?" a voice gently asked.

Jiyong turned and recoiled in fear at seeing Seunghyun sitting there on their bed, holding him and looking worried and pained at the same time.

"Baby?" he asked soothingly, gently lifting a hand to stroke Jiyong's sweat matted hair away from his forehead. "Are you okay, baby?"

Jiyong shook his head and sobbed, bringing his hands near his face and looking around the bedroom, lost and terrified trying to contain the violent shaking of his body. "Seunghyun?" he sobbed, turning in his lover's direction.

Seunghyun made a strange noise in the back of his throat, clearly distressed by the state Jiyong was in after the nightmare. He gently hugged the small man, reassuringly rocking him in his arms after wrapping him in the covers and lifting him on his lap. "Shh, it was a nightmare, baby. Whatever you saw it wasn't true," he crooned softly, peppering Jiyon's face with small kisses, his nose, his temple, his tear-stained eyelids and cheeks, his chin, his forehead…

"It wasn't true, baby. Shh, it's okay. It's okay."

Seunghyun looked down at the small face pressed against his chest, small fists tightly holding his tee-shirt and sighed. Jiyong was having more and more nightmares, increasing in violence and recurrence and Seunghyun sometimes feared that once day, Jiyong wouldn't be able to make the difference between what was happening in his dreams and the reality.

If tonight's nightmare was the same that has been going on for months now, Seunghyun could only guess the difficulty for Jiyong to make up next to him after such violence and not knowing if the Seunghyun of his nightmares and the Seunghyun of the reality were the same.

Seunghyun didn't know why Jiyong was having such dreams, why he always dreamed of Seunghyun hurting him and abusing him in such ways but he knew that it had to stop. They had always avoided sleeping pills until now but if it could just knock Jiyong out for the night and spare him then Seunghyun was all for it.

He blinked and looked back down at Jiyong's face, smiling lovingly when he saw his eyes were drooping in exhaustion as Jiyong struggled to stay awake. "It's okay, Jiyong. You can sleep. It's over, my darling," he whispered reassuringly, knowing that Jiyong wasn't going to have the same dream a second time. "I'm here, Jiyong. I love you."

Jiyong blinked sluggishly and looked up at Seunghyun slowly reaching a small trembling hand as if scared of how Seunghyun would react. Seunghyun smiled encouragingly and kissed the hand before Jiyong pressed it softly on Seunghyun's cheek. The dark haired man traced featherlike fingers on Seunghyun's face as if he wanted to memorize every nuances of it and dropped it in exhaustion, nodding as if he had reached some conclusion in his head.

Seunghyun was used to such behavior and knew Jiyong needed to reassure himself that it was indeed the real Seunghyun and not some violent, abusive version of him. "It's me, baby," he whispered. "It's okay. You're safe now."

Jiyong nodded silently and snuggled closer to Seunghyun, fisting a still trembling hand on Seunghyun's shirt.

"I love you, Jiyong. Never forget that."

Seunghyun kept rocking Jiyong for a while even after he fell asleep and promised himself that whatever happens in the future; whether Bigbang fell apart or tragedies struck them that he would never, ever become the Seunghyun of Jiyong's nightmares.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics: Because—The Beatles


	8. Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's by seeing Hyorin's pinched expression and worried eyes that Seunghyun decided to explain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : eating disorder

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It's by seeing Hyorin's pinched expression and worried eyes that Seunghyun decided to _explain_.

"It's not your chicken, Hyorin," he said with a sigh, glancing sideway at Jiyong's impassive face, "Jiyong's just decided that he's vegetarian from now on."

Jiyong glared at him, at his _tone_ , but didn't say anything and just puffed his cheeks.

Hyorin looked at Jiyong worriedly, her lips tight; they all knew what she was thinking, but nodded after a while. "Do you want something else to eat?" she asked gently.

Jiyong smiled affectionately at her, his spite at Seunghyun forgotten, and shook his head. "I'm good with the veggies!" he answered brightly.

It wasn't until Seunghyun and Hyorin were washing the dishes while Youngbae and Jiyong were talking into the office that Hyorin asked what Seunghyun knew was killing her. "Why do you let him?" she asked in annoyed incomprehension.

Seunghyun sighed and wiped a plate, pondering the question in his head. "He just… it'll only last a few days, maybe a week or two, and he'll stop. He gets these ideas sometimes, you know him," he chuckled, "he's going to experiment for a while and then he'll be on something else."

Hyorin looked up at him and nodded. "I know that, Seunghyun. God, I’ve known you boys for long years now," she said, sending him _that_ look. Seunghyun nodded and sighed. He often forgot that Hyorin had also been their friend since high school.

"Yeah, I _know_ ," he answered, pressing on the word.

She stared at him. "So you also know that I _know_ Jiyong, right?"

Perplexed, Seunghyun shook his head. "Are we getting somewhere?" he asked, grabbing a pan and wiping it with the already drenched dish towel he was holding.

She sighed in exasperation. "Men," she muttered, "I swear, Seunghyun, if you didn't need your eyes so much I'll stick a fork in them," she snapped and waved the fork she held in between them.

Seunghyun winced and unconsciously put a hand over his eyes. "Please!" he exclaimed. He dropped his hand and looked back at her. She seemed upset for whatever reason and really, Seunghyun didn't want to explain to Youngbae _why_ his wife looked like that, especially when he wasn't even sure himself. "Look, is it about Jiyong?" he asked. "I told he's fine! It's just a phase!"

Hyorin angrily slammed the glass she was washing down onto the side and turned to glare at him. "When it comes to Jiyong and food, it's never fine, Seunghyun! It's never a phase."

 _Ah, here we go_ , Seunghyun thought.

He nodded and looked into her eyes. "Hyorin, I know, okay? I've _also_ been with him since we were teenagers, I _know_ ," he pressed, this time a bit more angrily.

Hyorin seemed to calm down some and sighed, staring at the garden by the window above the sink. "Seunghyun, look, I'm sorry," she sighed, "I just worry, okay?" She turned in his direction and bit her lower lip at Seunghyun's upset face. "Seunghyun," she said softly. "It's just—I worry all the time about you guys while you're on tour. It's what I do and sometimes I'm—a bitch," she admitted.

Seunghyun nodded curtly even with his back to her, arms braced against the counter and he took a deep breath. "I just don't like it when you say I don't know how to take care of him," he muttered angrily.

Hyorin hissed and crossed her arms. "That's not what I said, Choi Seunghyun," she growled.

He turned and looked incredulously at her. "No?" he asked in a derisive tone. "Do you think I don't worry about him too when he suddenly say to me that he wants to stop eating meat?" he said, "do you think I’ve forgotten all the time spent at the hospital watching him with a fucking tube down his stomach to force-feed him?" he nearly yelled before groaning and turning back to glare at nothing, "I’ve already talked to him about that stupid new-age shit and spend an entire night to hear him cry all night locked in the bathroom is enough, thank you."

Hyorin sniffed and closed her eyes briefly. "Sorry, Seunghyun," she said after a while. "I didn't know."

Seunghyun sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I kinda figured _that_ when you started yelling at me."

They both chuckled before Seunghyun stepped toward her and hugged her, kissing the top of her head. "I know what to do, Hyorin, I know the signs," he said after a while, the both of them still embracing each other, "I know when I have to interfere. For now, I'll let him be happy with this new thing and… avoid making him cry."

Hyorin nodded against his chest and hugged him tighter.

"Hey, hyung, you done groping my wife?" a voice asked from the kitchen door.

They both turned to see Youngbae and Jiyong standing in the frame of the door, Jiyong in front of Youngbae, watching the scene anxiously while biting his lip.

Seunghyun smiled reassuringly at him and squeezed Hyorin one last time before letting her go to her husband. The rapper watched Youngbae kiss her gently, whispering something in her ear that he didn't quiet catch, and smiled at Youngbae' tender manner around his wife while leading her upstairs to their room after bidding them goodnight.

"Seunghyun?" Jiyong whispered quietly, wringing his hands on the hem of his black shirt.

Seunghyun turned and gently wrapped him in his arms, one hand burying in the back of Jiyong's head gently fisting his lover's soft brown hair and his other hand firmly pressed against the small of Jiyong's back.

"Seunghyun?" Jiyong repeated once more in a small, trembling voice. The tall man could feel small tremors began to travel up and down Jiyong's body and tightened his arms around him.

"I'm okay, Ji, don't worry," he finally whispered in his ear, placing slow gentle kisses everywhere on Jiyong's face.

The small rapper wrapped his thin arm around Seunghyun's waist and put his head down on Seunghyun's shoulder, burying his face in his neck. "You were talking about me, weren't you?" he whispered after a while.

Seunghyun gently rocked them, like they were dancing slowly and hummed in agreement. He felt Jiyong tense slightly in his arms but didn't let him go to look at his face.

"I—I won't give in, Seunghyun, I promised you, after—after last time."

Seunghyun nodded and kissed Jiyong's temple. "I know baby. And even if you lost it, even once, I trust you _to tell me_ ," he murmured soothingly.

Jiyong nodded and Seunghyun felt his eyelids flutter against his neck. They stayed like that for a while just standing there and just basking in each other embrace.

Jiyong and food had always had a rocky relationship, very bittersweet, and seeing his lover in a bed bound to the railings with leather straps while doctors stuffed him like a fucking goose was enough for a lifetime in Seunghyun's book.

He'd get Jiyong to eat meat again, eventually.

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	9. Blast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You look like a drowned kitten, baby."

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"You look like a drowned kitten, baby."

Jiyong turned his head slowly in Seunghyun's direction, not even strong enough to glare at him from the warm cocoon of blankets surrounding him. Baring his teeth at Seunghyun, it was the only answer he gave him.

Seunghyun chuckled and sat on the coffee table in front of the couch, a cup of warm tea in his hands. "Here, drink this," he said, still smiling.

Jiyong eyed the steaming mug and wrinkled his nose at the simple idea of getting his hands out of his nest of warmth and softness.

Seunghyun rolled his eyes good naturally and shook his head, leaning over Jiyong and pressing the cup to his lips. "You're such a diva, Ji," he laughed. 

Jiyong glared, this time above the cup, and shook his head tiredly when he was done drinking. "I'm tired, Hyunni," he sighed.

Seunghyun put the cup down next to him on the table and nodded sympathetically. "I know," he murmured, running his hand through Jiyong's matted hair.

Fever was a bitch.

Jiyong was rarely sick but when he was, he was _really_ sick. Fainting, banging his head on tables, bleeding all over the floor, burning with fever and delirious kind of sick.

Smiling kindly at what he could see of Jiyong's face under all the layers of shirts, sweatshirts and blankets, Seunghyun winced slightly at the massive bruise on Jiyong's right temple and cheekbone. It wasn't swollen anymore but the bruise was very impressive on Jiyong's translucent skin. Hell, he was so pale Seunghyun could see Jiyong's blue veins at his temples, neck and arms.

"Do you want something to eat?" Seunghyun asked after watching Jiyong blink tiredly at nothing.

The small rapper shook his head, suddenly looking paler. "Please, I'm gonna be sick again if I eat," he whispered.

Seunghyun hummed and watched Jiyong with a pained look. "I wish I could do something for you, Ji," he sighed plaintively.

Jiyong looked at him sidelong and sniffed. "Well, you could cuddle me," he said after a while.

Seunghyun beamed at him and got up quickly, gently lifting Jiyong from his reclining position on the many pillows scattered on the couch and positioned himself behind Jiyong, wrapping an arm around the tiny waist, his other hand petting Jiyong's ebony hair adoringly, feeling the tension leave the tensed body until Jiyong was completely relaxed in Seunghyun's embrace.

"Uhm, s'good," Jiyong muttered sleepily.

Seunghyun chuckled. "I'm sure it is," he said, kissing the side of Jiyong's unmarked skin.

They spent several minutes like that in complete silence until Youngbae joined them and sat on the couch opposite the pair, eying Jiyong worriedly. He was there when Jiyong fell and while it wasn't the first time he’d seen Jiyong faint it was always a shock.

Like always, Jiyong didn't do half-measures; even when he was sick, he had to be noticed like the peacock he was.

"Is he okay?" Youngbae whispered at Seunghyun, not knowing if Jiyong's closed eyes meant he was asleep.

Seunghyun smiled up at him and nodded. "Tired," he mouthed.

Youngbae shook his head and flicked the television on, nearly muting the sound. "He hasn't been sleeping lately, it's not surprising he's so sick," he said, his eyes on the TV showing an old episode of _Road Runner & Wile E. Coyote_.

Seunghyun hummed and looked down at Jiyong. "He never sleeps; I dunno how he can be such a ball of energy all the time."

Youngbae chuckled quietly. "It's the tea and the bananas, man. He makes it stronger than even _my_ coffee and the bananas give him all the energy he needs. Scrawny little shit…" he added in a fond whisper. 

Seunghyun nodded, his black eyes fixed on the cartoon but not really seeing it. "If I let him he'll only live on tea and bananas…" he trailed off and frowned down worryingly at Jiyong.

Youngbae was staring at him and lifted his eyebrows. "You don't _let_ him, Seunghyun. So don't beat yourself up for that. He's just sick. I know it's impressive but he's been sick like this before," he soothed gently. "Hell, you remember the first time it happened?"

Seunghyun stifled a loud laugh and snorted. "Yeah, we called an ambulance and called mama Kwon, crying."

Youngbae looked affronted. " _You_ called while crying. Remember, I am the level-headed, serious one of the band. I don't do panic."

"'cept the day Hyorin said she thought she was pregnant," Jiyong muttered suddenly, his head peeking over the rim of the covers.

Seunghyun nodded at Youngbae, looking satisfied that he won the argument, not even feeling guilty that it was two against one.

"Cheater," Youngbae grumbled while crossing his arms on his chest in a huff and glaring at the umpteenth attempt of the coyote to kill and eat the roadrunner.

Jiyong snuggled impossibly closer to Seunghyun and they all watched the episode when suddenly the coyote got smashed with a wrecking ball in a blast. "Uhm," Jiyong hummed, "that would never happen."

Seunghyun and Youngbae chuckled and Seunghyun gently rested his chin on top of Jiyong's head, his hands under the covers stroking Jiyong's belly. "Well, no, baby, that's why they call them cartoons, not documentaries." Jiyong nodded absently and curled his arms around Seunghyun's still on his belly.

After a long while of being entranced by the TV, Youngbae turned to look at his friends and realized they were both fast asleep, with Jiyong finally sleeping serenely, contrary to the fever ridden bout of unconsciousness that had been going on all week.

Smiling affectionately at his two best friends who he considered brothers, he laid down on the couch with his arms behind his head, feeling the tight ball of worry since Jiyong collapsed finally loosening.

Chuckling at the coyote falling down a ravine, he wondered why he never gave up, but thinking about their lives; fighting to get what they wanted, never giving up, he kind of understood the coyote.

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	10. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun knew Jiyong was exhausted from what was probably their biggest and most significant concert ever.

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_I can't breathe no more_

_I can't sleep no more_

_I can't live no more but_

_I can't stop no more_

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Seunghyun knew Jiyong was exhausted from what was probably their biggest and most significant concert ever.

Seunghyun had just locked the door of their luxurious hotel room behind them when Jiyong suddenly fell backwards.

Gasping in surprise, Seunghyun caught him before he hit the floor, realizing with a sigh of relief that Jiyong was just so exhausted he had literally passed out. Smiling lovingly down at the tiny face pressed against his chest, Seunghyun carried his small lover and sat down on the bed, just holding him close for a while, feeling the rhythm of Jiyong's slightly uneven breath on his neck and the gentle if fast beating of his heart.

He knew what it was like to nearly lose Jiyong in all the ways loss can be defined so he held him close for a while to reassure himself that he still had him, thinking back to those horrifying hours spent in a bland hospital lobby, waiting to hear from the doctors if Jiyong would survive pulmonary embolism or not.

That was four months ago and today was their first stage since Jiyong got sick. They were all ecstatic but also terrified, not knowing if Jiyong would be strong enough to perform an entire concert, singing and dancing around like he did _before_.

Youngbae and Seunghyun had spent hours trying to reassure themselves that, yes, Jiyong was okay, breathing, safe and _there_. That he was breathing _right_ again, even if slightly itched, his voice now a little more rougher that it was before but definitely there.

Jiyong had spent hours lying in a hospital bed, fighting for his life, for every single mouthful of air but never giving up even when the doctors, the nurses, hell even Seunghyun and Youngbae were convinced he wouldn't survive the next day—hour—minute, even.

But of course, in pure, stubborn and bold Kwon Jiyong fashion he showed them all wrong.

Survived, grabbed his mike and stood in front of a fucking-full-to-the-brim Jamsil Olympic Stadium. Face paler than usual, limbs trembling, skinnier than he's ever been but standing brave and proud.

Alive. 

Seunghyun softly kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his temple and eyelids before gently placing him on the bed. After taking off his shoes and most of his clothes, he peeled off his own and wrapped himself around his lover.

He wanted to keep him warm and protected.

"Seunghyun?" Jiyong muttered.

"Shh, go to sleep. Sleep as much as you want. You did it, baby." He rubbed Jiyong's back and looked at his face until he too fell asleep, lulled by the soft and warm body in his arms.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lyrics: Breathe—G-Dragon


	11. Carol of the Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas spirit was one of Seunghyun's favorite things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : domestic violence

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Christmas spirit was one of Seunghyun's favorite things.

He loved it! Of course, who didn't like Christmas?

But sometimes, he found it a bit too much. He didn't say it out loud by fear of being killed by his sister (she loved Christmas and all the things surrounding it) but sometimes he just needed to isolate himself in his room and forget everything.

The craziness of packing presents at the last minute, the thing forgotten for the perfect dinner, the Christmas tree, the decorations, the family…too much things at once and not enough time to _breathe_.

He was sitting in a plush couch in the living room, listening for what seemed to be the thousand time to the same anecdote about his parents misbehaving as children, his two grandmothers seeming to relish in embarrassing everyone and Seunghyun, as every Christmas, had to endure it.

Again and again.

His cousins were either too young to play with or interact with and his others were too old, now _adults_ , partnered up, and spending Christmas in the families of their respective others.

Boring.

Being seventeen sucked.

Seunghyun had nothing to do except sit there, squished between Aunt Doyeon (her perfume so strong his eyes had watered the first time a swish of her fragrance had come in his direction) and indefatigable Great-Grandmother Eunyong.

He suffered through questions repeated for the hundreds times like: _how are your studies? Isn't training at YG so hard? How long before you finish high school? What do you want to do after that? Do you see someone?_

Kill him now or give him his presents, but please, Grandma, no more stories about dad making out with a girl from the choir when he was altar boy.

He wondered for a moment how they'd react if he told them he actually had someone in his life, if they learned that that someone was a boy, and that that boy was also his best friend and his name was Jiyong.

His parents and sister knew and they loved Jiyong and he didn't think his grandparents would mind very much, but he didn't know about his Aunt Doyeon and her alcoholic husband. Nobody liked him in the family but nobody wanted to say what was obvious.

Aunt Doyeon used to be a proud and strong woman, open to everything and ready to experience the craziest things, but since she married that man three years ago, his mom's older sister had become a complete stranger; bigoted, petty and resentful of the life of her younger sister.

Seunghyun used to think she was the coolest woman in the world, idolizing her when he was younger but today he actually hated her and dreaded every gathering with his family when he knew she would come. Being gay would be something she would use against his mother and he didn't want Doyeon to blame her for something that he was.

He wasn't ashamed of being gay, he wasn't ashamed of Jiyong, he loved him with all his heart and he was the love of his life, even if people often told them they were too young and had time to experience, but he didn't want Doyeon to accuse his mother of having had a bad influence on him, or missing something in his education and _making him gay_.

South Korea was very much open now with same sex relationship, but Doyeon surely would turn his bond with Jiyong into something ugly and perverted. And he didn't want that.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin when his father suddenly sat next to him and gently patted his knee.

"Are you okay, son?" he asked gently.

Seunghyun smiled and laughed softly. "I was thinking of what would happen if I told Doyeon and Jeong about Jiyong and me."

Sungsoo chuckled and shook his head. "Maybe if you tell them now they'll leave after a good screaming and spare us what will probably be a disaster anyway," he said, tilting his chin in Jeong's direction, already drinking his fifth or sixth whisky.

Seunghyun hummed and frowned, "poor mom."

Sungsoo shrugged. "She doesn't care anymore. Not like at the beginning. Earlier in the kitchen she threatened Doyeon with cutting her out of her life if something happens tonight."

Seunghyun nodded. "Well, seeing how he's already half-drunk I think mom's going to have her wish granted."

Sungsoo chuckled. "Won't be a great loss," he muttered. They stayed silent for a while before Sungsoo turned to look at him. "You miss him?"

Seunghyun groaned and let himself fall on his side, bumping his head against his father's shoulder. "Of course I miss him, dad. And you know how it is in his family," he whined softly.

Sungsoo wrapped an arm around his son and nodded, resting his head on the top of Seunghyun's. "I never understood how they could not see what they were doing to him."

Seunghyun tensed slightly in his arms and sighed. "His dad got a mistress. Jaehwa found out yesterday, Jiyong called me last night."

Sungsoo shook his head in disgust while Seunghyun continued. "Jiyong told me they fought all night. He—" Seunghyun stopped and swallowed. "Dad, he's—he's not okay. He told me he was fine but—well, you know how he is. He doesn't want to worry anyone, he just—keeps things to himself and won’t tell anyone."

Seunghyun straightened up and crossed his arms in front of him, frowning heavily. "He won't tell me anything. He doesn't even cry, dad—well, not in front of me anyway. I know he does, Dami told me Friday when she came to pick Jiyong up at the dorms and I asked her how Jiyong was at home. She told me he cried himself to sleep every night, that he didn't sleep, that he didn't eat and that his parents blamed him and Dami for everything that was wrong."

Seunghyun stopped and rested his head on the cushion behind him, closing his eyes. "Sorry, dad. It's Christmas and I'm sure you don't really care about what happens in my boyfriend's life."

Sungsoo frowned and flicked Seunghyun's ear, making him gasp. "I’ve known Jiyong for years now, three of them since you've been together. Jiyong has been a member of this family since day one. You know how your mother dotes on him, how she loves to take care of him and baby him."

Seunghyun smiled goofily at that and Sungsoo shook his head, chuckling. "He's in this house more often than not and he probably has more things here than at his parent's," he continued, "of course I'm worried about him, Seunghyun, I love him like a son. And if I could have had any word in this, Jiyong would have spent this Christmas and those before with us."

Seunghyun felt tears prickle at the corner of his eyes and nodded silently, touched by his father's words.

"Maybe you should call him," Sungsoo said after a while.

Seunghyun smiled gratefully and hugged his father. "You're the best, dad. Thank you so much."

Sungsoo grabbed him by the biceps and looked at him straight in the eyes. "Don't thank me for doing what every father _has to_ do; I don't want you to thank me for loving you and Jiyong, never."

Seunghyun hugged him once more and nearly ran out of the living room to get upstairs and extracted his mobile phone from his fancy pants. He dialed the number he had on speed-dial but only got the voice mail. Frowning in disappointment, he fell back on his bed and sighed, glaring at the ceiling like it was its fault.

He stayed like that for a long time and sat up when he heard the door bell. Frowning he went in the hall and looked over the handrail, gasping at who it was. He stepped down the stairs three at a time and ran to the door.

"Jiyong," he whispered.

Jiyong was standing next to his sister, the small teen's face angled toward the ground, shoulders slumped.

Dami was smiling embarrassingly at his mother, looking exhausted with dark circles under hheris eyes. "Sungsoo, Minah, I'm so sorry for coming here, especially tonight, but—" she stopped and tightened the arm she had around Jiyong and half hugged the small teen protectively. "We just—" Dami stopped and rubbed her face with her other hand, looking helpless. "We didn't have anywhere to go."

Minah grabbed them by the coats and dragged them into the hall, looking positively crushed. "It's okay, honey," she said to Dami, gently patting her cheek. "It's okay." She nodded firmly and tilted her head in Sungsoo's direction before taking Jiyong in her arms and gently leading him to the kitchen.

Torn between following his mother and boyfriend in kitchen or listening to Dami tell his dad what happened, he decided that Jiyong was safe with his mom for the moment and turned to face Dami, standing next to his dad.

Taking off his coat Dami began to speak, her voice hoarse and weary. "Mom went crazy, starting to scream and throw accusations everywhere at dad's family, you know, the usual, but then our aunts, uncles and grandparents from both sides began to do the same and everything went mad. They were all drunk and then mom just screamed at dad saying it was his fault Jiyong was gay and everything got worse."

Seunghyun swallowed in fear and looked back in the kitchen's direction.

Sungsoo nodded gravely and sighed. "The family didn't take it well, I gather," he said grimly.

Dami chuckled darkly and Seunghyun shivered at the sound. "They all turned to Jiyong and began to—to insult and scorn him. Dad got angry at mom for saying that in front of everyone and between their shouting and everyone screaming at Jiyong I don't know who—" she stopped and looked at the ceiling, eyes bright. "I—I didn't see, it just happened too fast, someone hit him and he fell on the floor and he got hurt, he was crying—" Dami stopped and sobbed. "I couldn't—I didn't protect him. I—I just took him with me and we left the house. I just—he was crying so hard!"

Sungsoo nodded and grabbed Dami in his arms, hugging her fiercely. "It's okay, darling. It's okay. You did all you could. You got him out of here and brought him here. It's okay."

Dami sobbed harder. "I couldn't protect my little brother!"

Seunghyun had heard enough. He rushed to the kitchen to find his mom in pretty much the same position as his father, except she was sitting on a chair holding Jiyong on her lap. "Shh, honey, it's okay. Shh," she gently soothed, tenderly rocking him. She looked up when she heard Seunghyun enter the kitchen and smiled sadly. "Look, here's Seunghyun."

Jiyong tensed in her arms and quickly got up, wiping his face with a trembling hand. He looked in Seunghyun's direction, not meeting his gaze and stood there, shoulders slumped, head down and lower lip quivering, beautiful hazel eyes swarmed in tears.

Minah stood and gently led Jiyong in her son's direction. "Seunghyun, take him upstairs, okay? I'll bring you boys something to eat later."

Seunghyun smiled gratefully at her and put an arm around his boyfriend, quietly leading him. When they arrived in the hall where his father and Dami were, the two were not hugging anymore and Dami seemed calmer, probably soothed by Sungsoo's words.

Dami smiled at Minah and Seunghyun, bent down and kissed the top of Jiyong's head, whispering something in his ear, which made Jiyong nod silently.

Seunghyun then led Jiyong upstairs, his hands on his waist from behind, pushing him to the bed. He took off Jiyong's coat, discarding it and not caring if it was on the floor, sat Jiyong on the bed, gently took off his pants and pullover, laid him down and cocooned him in the thick duvet, lying next to him and silently stroking his hair while absently ghosting featherlike fingers on the deep purple bruise tainting Jiyong's creamy skin.

Seunghyun continued to stroke his head, humming and whispering quiet nonsense, smiling and basically giving all the love he could to Jiyong through his touch and presence. "I love you, baby."

Jiyong looked up from his nest of covers, his trembling hands tightly curled next to his face. His deep bottomless eyes were wet, thick drops of tears matted his eyelashes and held all the hurt and pain he was suffering through. He sobbed quietly once and curled up in Seunghyun's direction, resting his head against Seunghyun's chest.

Seunghyun hugged and kissed him at the same time. "I love you, Jiyong," he repeated with conviction and at that moment there wasn't a thing he knew more than what he felt for the small person curled up in his arms.

"I—lo—ve you, Seunghyun," Jiyong finally whispered brokenly. "I love you, Seunghyun," he repeated more strongly but still as quietly.

Seunghyun smiled sadly above his head and ran a hand through the silky dark strands. "Merry Christmas, baby."

Jiyong looked up and stared silently. After a long moment a strange look passed through his eyes but was gone before Seunghyun could decipher what it was. Then Jiyong's face changed and a tiny smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. "Merry Christmas, Seunghyun."

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a work of fiction. It doesn't reflect reality at all. Jiyong's parents are the bad guys here, but in reality they are beautiful, supporting and loving parents.


	12. Don't Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jiyong came home and introduced Choi Seunghyun as his lover, the first thing Jaehwa felt was disappointment.

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When Jiyong came home and introduced Choi Seunghyun as his lover, the first thing Jaehwa felt was _disappointment_.

Not because of her son's sexual orientation, because she had no problem about that and accepted it the day when a fourteen year old Jiyong came to her sobbing and terrified, confessing that he was more attracted to boys than girls.

That day, her baby had begged her not to hate him and not to stop loving him.

 _What mother would do that?_ She had wondered. How could she love Jiyong one day and hate him the next just because he revealed his sexual preferences? Knowing some mothers acted like that made her sick.

Looking at her eighteen year old son today, terror and fear in his gorgeous hazel eyes as he introduced Seunghyun; not as his best friend, but as his lover, she felt pride and love renew in her heart.

She had been suspicious about something going on between those two boys for years now, but had never questioned her son about it, trusting that he knew what he was doing and that he would tell her when he was ready.

Today she finally had her answer. 

They had known Seunghyun since the boys met at school and became inseparable, growing up together, misbehaving together, dreaming together of a great musical career and finally managing to enter one of the best entertainment agency.

However, in her heart, Jaehwa was disappointed.

She loved Seunghyun, _really_ , but she couldn't help but feel that he wasn't really what her baby boy needed. She knew Seunghyun genuinely cared for Jiyong, that he loved him and had been in love with him since day one.

Jaehwa may be old (at least, if she believed Jiyong and Dami); she noticed things and the looks Seunghyun send her young son when he thought no one was watching were far from innocent. No, the thing that disappointed her was that she had no insurance that Seunghyun was _the one_ for Jiyong. She just wished there was a way she could be sure that Seunghyun's love would be constant and unconditional and lifelong, spearing her baby the pain of having his heart broken.

She hoped with all her being that Seunghyun acted around Jiyong when they were both in front of her and Jihoon was the way he acted all the time; during training and at the dorms.

She really wished Seunghyun's tender kindness she witnessed for the past days before the big revelation was the norm between them and not just a show for her and Jihoon's benefit.

Because if so, loving Seunghyun or not won't change a thing; she'll act like any mother and eliminate the threat directed at her son.

She had always been slightly more protective of Jiyong than Dami, not because she loved Dami any less but because Dami had always been somewhat more independent and prone to socialize with any kind of people.

Jiyong wasn't really a sociable creature and Jaehwa guessed that by his small stature and the fact that he was so pretty; he would always be more vulnerable than Dami will ever be. She wasn't scared of Dami having her heart broken. She was scared of Jiyong being _damaged_ by a man taller, stronger and capable of hurting him in inconceivable ways.

She knew she wasn't the only one to think like that, Jihoon loved Dami like any father loved his first born but Jiyong held a special place in his heart. He was a miracle child, coming late, unexpectedly and being born too early which was probably the reason of his physical build and frailness. Jihoon adored him; she knew, _doted_ on him even.

It was probably the cause of some of Jiyong's troubles in his teenage years and his acquaintance with the wrong crowd. She realised that it had been since he met Seunghyun that Jiyong had seemed to calm down, become more peaceful and not as scattered as he used to be; more focussed and not as fickle as he had been.

Dami was fiercely protective of Jiyong; nearly ten years his senior, she had been a great presence, even after leaving for college, in Jiyong's life, always protecting and taking care of her little brother, like a second mother. Teaching him things, nurturing him and, with the three of them, they made the man that Jiyong was today; kind, devoted, brilliant, hard working and talented.

She was proud of him, proud of how her life had turned; her two wonderful children, a great husband and the happiness and pride she felt every single day.

Seunghyun may or may not be the one for Jiyong, but hearing her younger son laugh happily at something his lover had said while sitting in Seunghyun's strong embrace, she felt that, after all, _maybe_ , she might have been wrong, that she may have panicked a little and wasn't feeling as disappointed as she first thought.

They seemed perfect for each other.

They just…matched.

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	13. Four You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three times Seunghyun tries to propose to Jiyong and one time he finally got it right.

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1

Seunghyun frowned and sighed. He shook his head and breathed deeply, looking back up in the mirror.

The eighteen year old groaned and walked back until the back of his knees hit the bed and let himself fall on it. Glaring at the ceiling he angrily folded his arms around his head to cover his face.

"Maybe it's too soon…" he muttered, straightening his arms on his side and glaring daggers at the plain white ceiling.

Jiyong and him had been friends since the beginning of high school and had been lovers for a year now. Seunghyun was certain Jiyong was the one for him but he didn't know if Jiyong was ready to spend his entire life with the same person.

He knew Jiyong loved him; the small teen was someone who couldn't do half measures in emotions. Either he loved you passionately or he hated you with all his guts. Seunghyun knew that when Jiyong told him he loved him, it was with all his heart and soul.

Still lost in his thoughts, he jumped when a small weight pressed on his stomach. Looking up he chuckled, "hey, you."

Jiyong giggled and perched himself comfortably straddling Seunghyun's waist and quickly pressed his lips on Seunghyun’s mouth in greeting. "Minah let me in," he said happily, "she told me you've been locked in here all morning, looking—how did she put it?" he muttered, frowning then suddenly lighting up, "oh yeah! _'looking distressed and despondent'_."

Seunghyun chuckled at Jiyong's good mood and smiled lovingly. "Well, I'm okay now. You're here."

Jiyong blushed adorably and leaned over, pressing his cheek against Seunghyun's. "You're such a hopeless romantic, Seunghyun," he whispered with a sigh.

Seunghyun tensed slightly and grabbed Jiyong's shoulders, pushing him gently up so he could sit with Jiyong on his lap face to face. The smaller teen was looking at him in confusion, brow knitted and face suddenly worried. "You okay, Hyunni?" he asked in a small voice.

Seunghyun felt guilty for worrying his boyfriend but smiled reassuringly. "I'm okay, don't worry," he said, punctuating his words with small kisses. "I was—I was thinking, all morning. And I—" he stopped and gulped nervously, frowning at his cowardice. "Jiyong, would you ma—"

"BOYS!" a voice yelled from downstairs.

Seunghyun groaned loudly and let himself slump back on the bed, taking Jiyong with him. The small teen pressed his hands on Seunghyun's chest to straighten up and looked down into Seunghyun's eyes oddly. "Would I what, Seunghyun?" he whispered.

Seunghyun shook his head and ran a gentle hand through Jiyong's crazy dark locks. "Nothing, baby. It's okay. I'll ask you later."

Jiyong nodded and smiled sweetly. "Yes, Seunghyun."

2

The later actually happened three years later. They had just celebrated Jiyong's twentieth birthday and the release of their first Bigbang album when Seunghyun decided to ask that elusive question he'd been unable to ask.

After a particularly long night celebrating and drinking, Seunghyun and Jiyong finally staggered drunkenly to the apartment they also shared with Daesung and Youngbae, supporting each other. When Jiyong finally managed to find his keys and open the door they both fell over, barely able to drag themselves to the nearest stable surface before falling down on the floor.

Giggling and fumbling with coats and shoes, they both managed to reach the bedroom after bumping into too many things and lots of kisses. They tumbled down onto the comfortable bed in an indistinct jumble of limps and covers before falling asleep, too tired to do anything else than cuddle and kiss one last time.

The morning after, Seunghyun woke up with the strongest hangover _ever_ and winced as a ray of light blinded him as soon as he opened his eyes. Groaning in agony he sat up, sheets pooling around his bare torso and looked down at the bed, smiling at the sight of Jiyong sleeping on his stomach, one arm under the pillow, the other curled up near his face.

Leaning down, Seunghyun kissed his nape, slowly getting down until he was kissing Jiyong’s back, his shoulders and started up again with his neck and face.

Jiyong moved slowly, turning around and curling up on his side, pressed against Seunghyun, eyes still closed. After several more minutes of kissing, Seunghyun finally saw the bright hazel eyes he loved so much and smiled. "Hey, baby," he greeted.

Jiyong greeted him silently with a bright, happy smile and reached a hand to stroke Seunghyun's cheek with the back of it.

At that moment Seunghyun felt all the air leave his body. The sight of Jiyong lying in their bed, his dark head resting on the pillows, hair standing up in every direction, skinny body lax and satiated with sleep, Seunghyun couldn’t think of anything more beautiful.

"Jiyong?" he whispered, leaning over, staring at the unblinking dark orbs, his lips mere inches from Jiyong's, "would you—"

"HEY! You two lovebirds, get up!" a voice screamed, followed by ponding fists on the door.

Seunghyun straightened up quickly and stared angrily at the floor.

Jiyong sat up and lifted his eyebrows. "Yes, Seunghyun?" 

The taller man shook his head slightly and kissed Jiyong on the lips before standing.

If Seunghyun glared and snapped at Youngbae all day after that, nobody dared ask him why.

3

When Seunghyun entered the bathroom it was to the sight of Jiyong bending over the bathtub washing his hair.

Or, more precisely, _dyeing_ his hair.

"Red?" he asked in disbelief.

Jiyong giggled and shrugged. "Why not?" he asked, standing up and looking at Seunghyun with his newly bright red hair, which were standing in every direction adding something even more wild to Jiyong's usual crazy attitude. "So?" Jiyong asked turning on himself like a model, hands on his hips.

Seunghyun chuckled and rubbed his chin, frowning and pretending to think. "Uhm…"

Jiyong giggled and started twirling around Seunghyun. "Come on, Hyunni? D'you like it?" he asked and Seunghyun could hear the slight anxious note in his tone even if he tried to hide it behind a careful mask. Everyone knew that if Seunghyun didn't like it, Jiyong would dye it another color.

Seunghyun smiled and grabbed Jiyong by the waist. "Of course I like it," he said after a long languorous kiss.

Jiyong smiled up at him looking relieved, and the contrast between his bright hazel eyes and freshly bright red hair lit up by the sun basking the bathroom in morning glow took Seunghyun's breath away.

"You—" he swallowed and grabbed Jiyong's face tenderly, "you're beautiful."

Jiyong chuckled and kissed Seunghyun fondly. "You too."

Seunghyun felt a rush of indescribable adoration swallow him and hugged Jiyong, suddenly overwhelmed by his emotions. "God, baby, I love you so much."

Jiyong looked up at him in concern after Seunghyun had let him go and caressed Seunghyun’s cheeks once more. "You okay, Hyunni?" he asked in a small voice. 

Seunghyun chuckled and felt that sense of déjà-vu of the same conversation happening so many years ago.

"I'm okay, don't worry," he whispered, not wanting the break the calm and relaxed atmosphere. "Jiyong," he said, after a while, just basking in each other’s presence, "what do you think about—I mean, will you—"

The shrieking sound of a mobile phone interrupted him and he tightened his arms around Jiyong in frustration. Jiyong hissed in pain and Seunghyun let him go quickly. "Shit, sorry, baby," he apologized, kissing Jiyong on the forehead.

Jiyong looked at him strangely and smiled in confusion. " _Yes, Seunghyun_. It's okay. I'm gonna answer," he said, leaving Seunghyun in the bathroom, throwing a puzzled look at him above his shoulder.

Seunghyun sank down on the edge of the bathtub and groaned into his hands. "I'm cursed," he whined, "or I just have the stupidest _entourage_ with the worst timing of all time." 

4

"So, when are you going to ask him?"

Seunghyun blinked and turned to look at Youngbae who was sprawled like a sloth on the thousand won's worth designer couch of Jiyong and Seunghyun's villa, _grinning like an idiot_.

"Excuse me?" he asked darkly.

Youngbae chuckled and spread his hands wide in front of him. "Ji. When are you going to propose?" he asked, sitting up.

Seunghyun's stare suddenly turned into a glare. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he snapped.

Youngbae frowned and exchanged a look with Daesung coming back from the kitchen with a tray full of mugs of steaming coffee and shook his hands trying to pacify his friend. "Sorry, I didn't know it was a sensitive subject. So you're not into marriage, that's okay, I can respect that. It's just—"

"WHAT?!" Seunghyun cut him off angrily. "It's just what?!" he yelled. "I've been trying and trying and _trying_ to ask him since I was _eighteen_ but every time, something comes up, or someone can't be bothered to fucking leave me alone for five fucking seconds to ask my fucking question!"

Youngbae and Daesung cooed and shook their heads. "Seunghyun. _Eighteen_ , really?" Daesung asked with a giant grin.

Seunghyun took a deep breath to calm himself and turned back to glare out the window. "Yeah," he answered with a nod. "Hell, I don't even know how he'll react."

Youngbae scoffed. "He's been waiting for you to ask him since he first laid his eyes on you. Why do you think he wanted you to join us at YG?"

Seunghyun looked at Youngbae. "Uhm, for the music?" he asked dumbly.

Youngbae scoffed. "Now that's worrying. After seven years of being together you don't know that?"

Seunghyun shook his head and sat numbly next to his best friend. Youngbae paternally patted his knee. "You know how he is. If he sets his eyes on something then he'll have it. Whatever it takes. He's probably already said yes to you and you didn't even notice it."

"Really?" Seunghyun asked after a while.

Daesung nodded. "Of course, hyung."

Seunghyun frowned. "Well I _tried_ to ask. But I keep being interrupted."

"Try harder," Youngbae chirped.

"Easy for you to say, you didn't even ask Hyorin. _She_ did," Seunghyun teased.

"Asshole."

"Fucker."

"Moron."

"Jerk."

"Have I been teleported to kindergarten?" a voice said coming from their right.

The three turned at the same time and smiled at Jiyong standing in the door frame of the corridor.

Daesung stood and walked to the small man, grabbing him by the waist and carrying him without difficulty to Seunghyun, depositing him gently in front of the rapper. "Hyung's got a question for you," he said and patted Seunghyun's cheek, gestured to Youngbae and the both left them alone after grabbing their mobile phones to disappear somewhere in the villa.

Jiyong looked expectantly at Seunghyun, smiling. "Yes, Seunghyun?" he asked eagerly.

Seunghyun swallowed nervously and rubbed his moist hands on his jeans. Suddenly remembering something, he hit his forehead with his palm. "Don't move!" he exclaimed, pressing his hands on both of Jiyong's face and squishing his face. He kissed him on the nose and nodded determinedly. "Don't you move," he ordered before running to the back of the villa where their bedroom was and rummaging through his dresser.

After a while he finally found what he was looking for and rushed back to the living room, smiling at Jiyong still standing exactly where he told him to.

"Hey, baby," he said nervously.

Jiyong smiled at him and frowned when he saw that Seunghyun was hiding something behind his back. "What did you want to ask me?"

Seunghyun took a deep breath and knelt on one knee in front of the small rapper. "Kwon Jiyong," he said, his voice shaking with nerves. Realizing what an idiot he must look, he took another deep gulp of air and steadied his voice and hands. He didn't want Jiyong to think he wasn't 100% sure of his decision. "Would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?"

Jiyong stared at him for a long moment seemingly waiting for something and it wasn’t until after Seunghyun saw his small tilt of chin that he realized he forgot something. "Shit," he muttered and brought his hands in front of Jiyong and opened the small case containing the rings. He took one out and looked hopefully at his lover.

Jiyong hummed and smiled wildly, throwing himself into Seunghyun's arms, toppling them on the floor, starting to shower Seunghyun’s face with kisses. "YES!" he giggled, "yes I'll marry you!" he said enthusiastically. "Yes, yes, yes, I already said yes seven years ago, but whatever!" he continued to chant, punctuating each word with a kiss.

Seunghyun sat and steadied Jiyong by the waist, bringing up his hands still gripping the case. Jiyong calmed himself long enough for Seunghyun to grab his slim hand and slide the platinum ring on his left ring finger.

Seunghyun could feel Jiyong's body thrum with excitement, literally shaking with the force of it. Jiyong looked down at his hands and wriggled his fingers before hugging Seunghyun once more and snuggling tightly against his body after watching Seunghyun put his own ring on his finger.

"Are you happy?" Seunghyun murmured, stroking Jiyong's ebony hair.

Jiyong looked up at him, beautiful eyes telling him what words would never be enough to convey and sighed contently.

"I love you, Seunghyun."

Seunghyun grinned like an idiot over Jiyong’s head.

"You won't say that when our moms and sisters fight to _organize_ the wedding."

0


	14. Fringe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun stopped dead in his track when he heard Jiyong moan.

0

Seunghyun stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Jiyong moan.

Then he frowned and took a step closer to the kitchen's closed door. He could hear Jiyong hiss and then his frown intensified when he heard Youngbae' deep chuckle.

"Come on, Ji, it's not _that_ big," he laughed.

Seunghyun grimaced and shook his head in disbelief; surely they weren't…?

Jiyong huffed and moaned again. "Well, you're not the one with a fucking _pole_ deep inside you!" he groaned with another moan.

Youngbae chuckled again and Seunghyun opened his mouth like a fish out of water. His husband and Youngbae were…were fucking? In the kitchen?

"You're overacting, Jiyong," Youngbae’ voice soothed after a while.

Seunghyun was about to step into the kitchen to interrupt them, because, clearly, Youngbae was hurting Jiyong and, even if Seunghyun felt like his guts had been torn out, he couldn't stand the thought of Jiyong hurting and suffering, but suddenly Jiyong's unexpected shriek of pain froze him.

"Youngbae! Youngbae! You're pushing it deeper!"

Youngbae' face must have taken on an expression of exasperation because it was the only emotion Seunghyun could hear in his voice. "If you stopped moving I could do it properly," he snapped in a breathless voice, "stop fidgeting and let me finish!"

It was Jiyong's nearly sobbed cry that made Seunghyun barge into the kitchen, panting like crazy and heart beating so violently in his ribcage he thought he was going to have a premature heart attack. "You fucker!" he yelled at Youngbae with a pointed finger, "what are you—"

His mouth snapped shut and his body stilled at the scene in front of him.

Jiyong was sitting on top of the kitchen table with Youngbae sitting in front of him on a chair. _They were both clothed_ and Youngbae was holding something that was looked suspiciously like tweezers in one hand while firmly holding Jiyong's bleeding hand in the other.

Seunghyun let out an embarrassed chuckle and tried to quickly gather his wits by looking as cool as possible without raising suspicions.

Youngbae was looking at him with a perplexed gaze, his face a mix of bewilderment and amusement while Jiyong looked at him like he might be his savior.

"Hyunni, please, he's _hurting_ me," he whined, trying to snatch his hand back from Youngbae' firm hold.

Seunghyun chuckled nervously, glad that Jiyong was clueless, and eyed Youngbae nervously before stepping closer and sitting next to Jiyong on the table. He winced at the bloody state of Jiyong's index finder and cooed in sympathy. "What have you done?" he asked gently, stroking Jiyong's back with his hand.

"I got a splinter," Jiyong lamented miserably. "And Youngbae is totally useless. He's just pushing it deeper into my finger."

Seunghyun snorted but rapidly regained a serious face at Jiyong's thunderous glare. "Sorry, love, yeah, I can see it hurts."

Youngbae shook his head in exasperation and resumed his attempt to save Jiyong's finger. "If you just stopped squirming and wailing like a baby each time I so much as approached your finger with the tweezers we'd have already finished," he snapped in his best dad voice.

Jiyong stuck his tongue out at him and looked away when Youngbae forced the tweezers through his flesh to catch the splinter. He hissed and tried to move away but Seunghyun grabbed him by the waist and used his superior size to immobilize Jiyong.

"Ow ow ow ow ow!" he whined, "Youngbae, you're killing me!" he yelled.

It took another ten seconds before Youngbae finally brandished the tweezers in the air and showed them the bloody splinter held on the tip of it. "Here it is!" he crowed, "look at that, never saw one that big," he chuckled.

Jiyong glared and kept his bloody and hurting finger against his chest protectively as if Youngbae was going to hurt him again. Seunghyun hugged him and laughed at his lover's face before grabbing a plaster from the first aid kit sitting on the table next to them.

"Here, baby, I get to play nurse, now," he laughed and quickly and efficiently disinfected the wound before dressing the tip of Jiyong's thin finger in a flowery plaster, "do you want me to kiss it better?"

Jiyong glared and hissed at Seunghyun. "I don't appreciate your sarcasm _Choi Seunghyun_."

Youngbae guffawed and stood. He walked to the sink to wash his hands and walked to the door. "Okay, I'll leave you two alone," he said in a smug tone and sent Seunghyun a pointed look that clearly made him understand he hadn't missed Seunghyun's previous misunderstanding. He closed the door and left the two of them, one balancing between mortified and amused and the other sulking.

Seunghyun leaned over and kissed the side of Jiyong's face, the only thing he could reach given his lover's head was turned to the side. He grinned and continued to shower the small, beautiful face with delicate kisses on all the skin he could touch.

He knew he had won when Jiyong subtly tilted his head to the side ever so slightly to allow Seunghyun access to his neck.

Jiyong was a sucker for kisses to the neck.

Seunghyun stopped when he suddenly heard Jiyong chuckle. "You thought Youngbae was doing me, didn't you?"

Seunghyun gaped at him. "So while I was kissing you and all, you were just thinking about Youngbae?" he asked, bemused. 

Jiyong turned and stared at him with incredibly blank icy hazel eyes and clucked his tongue. "Thinking about Youngbae _and_ you," he answered, "I can multitask, you know," he drawled.

Seunghyun sputtered and dragged Jiyong to him, his small body easily gliding on top of the wooden table. "Yeah, well, I'd appreciate you not thinking about _Youngbae doing you_ while I kiss you," he muttered and gently bit Jiyong's pulse point.

Jiyong giggled and grabbed a handful of Seunghyun's blond hair, careful of his still aching finger. "I can't help what I'm thinking abo— _yeah_ , right here," he purred.

Seunghyun smiled into Jiyong’s neck and pushed Jiyong to lay him flat on the kitchen table standing between his legs. "Less talking, more kissing," he breathed.

Jiyong beamed at him and agreed, showing his appreciation with hungry, passionate kisses and touching Seunghyun everywhere he could reach.

Maybe he should tell Seunghyun what he had in mind the night before while he was giving Seunghyun a blowjob.

Feeling Seunghyun's hands on his hips, he thought about it and decided to tell him later.

Much later.

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	15. Fuseli's Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a hand resting against the side of Jiyong's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : past sexual assault and sleep paralysis

0

There was a hand resting against the side of Jiyong's head.

He tried to understand what was happening. Tried to understand why he couldn't move, why the hand was not moving, or hurting him or doing anything to him. Since he was a kid, hands tended to hurt him when they were on him. He tried to remember where he was but nothing came, it was blank.

It couldn't be dad. Dad was home with mom.

Was it Seunghyun? Youngbae? Daesung? Who was it?

It could be _Minsik_.

His new manager liked to creep inside his dorm at night.

The cold hand moved to his forehead and Jiyong still didn't know who it was. He wanted to open his eyes, but he didn't even know if they were closed or if the darkness he was seeing was the shadows swallowing the room.

Something was wrong.

He couldn't move. He couldn't move, and that simple thought made his heartbeat rocket abruptly. All he could hear in the darkness was his heartbeat and his painful breathing.

He felt like he was suffocating and by the tightness in his chest and in his lungs he knew it wasn't just his imagination. He really was having trouble with breathing and it only exacerbated his fear.

Maybe Minsik had given him drugs? Maybe he had slipped something in his drink when his members were not watching and was now taking advantage of it. But why? He'd never bothered before. Using drugs was too complicated. And took too long. And it was too dangerous.

Minsik never wanted to wait. Normally he came into his bedroom as soon as everyone was asleep, never waiting for longer than that. Was it a new game? Was he playing a new mind game with Jiyong so he could terrorize him even more? Had he slipped him a drug that was going to paralyze him but make him feel everything?

Had he lost his last semblance of defense? When he could move, he always told himself that he was trying to fight the man off. That he was at least doing something, even if his meager blows didn't faze the man.

Why wouldn't he move his hand from Jiyong's head? Why was he doing that to him?

Why was Minsik this quiet?

Normally he would speak and tell Jiyong everything he was going to do to him. Whispering in his ear that the guys were just in the rooms next to his but couldn't hear and couldn't help him.

Jiyong tensed and tried to struggle against whatever drugs were paralyzing him. He tried to move. Fucking _move_. Tried to prepare himself for the pain he knew was coming.

He could still hear his heartbeat and his shallow breathing echo around him, no other sound around. Just the pounding of his heart in his ears. He could feel his body covered in sweat, his forehead drenched and feverish, and his head pounding as hard and as painfully as his heart.

But the hand still wouldn't move!

He wanted to scream at it. He wanted to kill Minsik for doing that to him. He wanted to hurt Seunghyun and Youngbae and Daesung and Seungri and Hyunsuk for not helping him and only discovering what was happening too late. _Years too late_ , and—

His breathing halted in his chest, hitching painfully.

What was he thinking?

Everybody knew.

They _knew_ , so it meant Minsik was still in jail.

His throat refused to work as the rest of his body. Maybe if the hand stopped touching him he'd be able to move and think? Because if it wasn't Minsik's hand on his head, then who was it? Whose hand was touching him like that?

Suddenly the hand was gone and Jiyong let out a breath of relief.

He closed his eyes, because apparently they were open, and succumbed to exhausted sleep.

0

Seunghyun sighed tiredly and ran a trembling hand through his hair.

Looking down at Jiyong's huddled, sleeping form, he leaned down and kissed his lover on the forehead. A wet cloth suddenly materialized in front of him and he smiled gratefully up at Youngbae.

Gently, Seunghyun ran the cold and wet cloth on Jiyong's burning skin.

"It's lasted longer than last time…" Youngbae murmured as he sat on the other side of Jiyong's bed and ran a hand up and down his best friend's back.

Jiyong was soaking wet, his jaw clenched tight and small spasms of shivering wrecking his body. They both knew that Jiyong would wake up with a headache and cramps all over his body.

Youngbae watched as Seunghyun ran the cloth silently over Jiyong's body and pressed a hand against the small rapper's chest. His heartbeat was still quick but it was slowly decreasing and Jiyong's breathing wasn't the same wheezing, hitching sound it had been only minutes before full of panic.

Seunghyun nodded belatedly at Youngbae's comment and ran a hand through Jiyong's sweaty hair combing it back from his forehead. "He thought I was Minsik."

Youngbae's head snapped up in his direction and stared intensely at his friend. "How do you know?"

Seunghyun shrugged wanly and closed his eyes, his hands still absently massaging Jiyong's scalp. "I know how he is after a nightmare about— _what happened_. Or during a flashback. It was exactly like that." He licked his lips and observed Jiyong for a long moment. "He doesn't like being touched when it happens. He doesn't even know where he is or _when_ he is." 

Youngbae nodded and watched Seunghyun lie down next to Jiyong on the bed, gathering his lover in his arms and showering his face with gentle loving kisses. Exhaling, Youngbae laid down next to them and pillowed his head on his arm, watching them.

Jiyong's body was still horribly tensed but the paralysis seemed gone when Youngbae saw Jiyong's hands unconsciously curl up between his and Seunghyun's chests.

It was times like that Youngbae regretted that Minsik was in jail, because he would have been more than happy to hunt the fucker down and kill him slowly. Make him feel at least half of the things he'd done to Jiyong when he was a kid.

Youngbae knew it was going to be a long day. He knew they'd spent long hours to coax, plead and promise anything before Jiyong felt safe enough to get out of bed and face the world.

At least he had Seunghyun and Youngbae and Daesung and Seungri with him, even if the guilt of not knowing, of being there but not sometimes ate at them like cancer. 

But from the look in his best friend's hooded eyes, he was certain that Jiyong wouldn't be alone in the dark and unable to _move_ ever again.

0


	16. Glitteratic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come on, guys, we're not twelve anymore," Jiyong grumbled holding a '88 bottle of red wine against his chest protectively.

0

"Come on, guys, we're not twelve anymore," Jiyong grumbled holding a '88 bottle of red wine against his chest protectively.

Seunghyun snorted at his lover's bad mood and gently praised the glittery bottle—a gift from one of Jiyong's admirer—from his lover's thin hands. "Come on, baby, don't be a porcupine, it'll be fun!" he laughed and his voice was already beginning to slur from the amount of empty bottles of alcohol scattered around them on the living room floor.

Jiyong unenthusiastically relinquished his bottle and watched Seunghyun place it on the ground in the middle of the circle they had formed by sitting on the floor. He wasn't nearly drunk enough to play stupid games like that.

Sighing, he rested an elbow on his knee and glared at nothing in particular.

"Come on, hyung! It's just a bit of fun!" Seungri drunkenly yelled from his left.

Jiyong grimaced irritably at him and pushed the man trying to hug him clumsily while glaring at a giggling Hyorin sitting right across him. "Of all of us, you're the last one I would have thought would encourage something like that," he hissed irritably.

Hyorin snickered, like she always did when she had too much to drink, and leaned to the side to stage-whisper at Seunghyun's sister sitting next to her. "Ji's scared to kiss a girl," she said and they both chortled drunkenly. 

Jiyong gaped. "What?! No I'm not!" he snapped heatedly. "I just think you all like the idea of kissing someone _else_ a bit too much," he answered.

Seunghyun sniggered and kissed his cheek. "Come on, love, it means nothing," he said reassuringly.

Jiyong glared at him sideways. "And what if you have to kiss your sister, Seunghyun?" he growled. "Or what if I have to kiss Dami, or worse _Seungri_?" he shuddered while nodding in the maknae's direction who sputtered indignantly.

Seunghyun winced but shrugged. "Well, that's the rules," he sniffed. 

Jiyong whined and covered his eyes with his hands. "This is _stupid_!"

Daesung snorted and patted Jiyong on the head in commiseration and as if he was doing him a favor, opened his mouth. "You'll start, hyung," he announced and everyone took their position, eyes on the small rapper.

Jiyong puffed his cheeks and looked resentfully at his member. "And why should I?" he asked in a strained voice.

Daesung pursed his lips looking for a reason and grinned smugly when he found it. "You're the smallest."

Jiyong stared at Daesung blankly, then turned his eyes on Dami, then Hyorin, then Hyeyoon, to finally end on Youngbae, all of them clearly smaller than him. Hazel eyes glared murderously at the innocent bottle lying on the ground and fumed.

What was it with the size thing again?

Straightening up to kneel and reach the bottle, he grabbed the neck of it and spun it, praying he wouldn't have to kiss his sister, or his sister-in-law, or Daesung, or Seungri or—well…anyone but Seunghyun.

He held his breath and his body tensed sharply and felt himself pale when it stopped right in front of Youngbae.

Everyone laughed and for a moment he thought about the strange fact that he seemed to be the only one finding it _sickening_ to kiss his best friend who he saw as his _brother_. Because clearly, Youngbae didn't look that phased and Hyorin seemed totally turned on to see the two of them kiss.

Grimacing, Jiyong crawled to Youngbae and knelt in front of him. Why was he always letting himself be dragged into those kinds of stupid games?

Inhaling deeply, he leaned toward Youngbae and pressed his lips to his best friend's, forcing himself to imagine it was Seunghyun. _Did the rules include tongues?_ he fleetingly wondered, but before he could linger on the question he felt Youngbae's hand take hold of the back of his head and deepen the kiss.

It was…not what he was expecting and he had to admit Youngbae was a good kisser. Nothing like Seunghyun, of course, but his lips were firm and tender. He guessed he just had to stop thinking about anything and just enjoy the moment. It was just a kiss, he reasoned and he tilted his head to allow Youngbae a better angle.

Losing himself in the moment he didn't realize that with one hand still in his hair, Youngbae had also wrapped his other arm around his waist to drag him on his lap and continue to desperately suck on his face like there was no tomorrow.

In fact, kissing his best friend wasn't as disgusting as he imaged, pretty pleasant actually. Granted, it was kind of sick but he knew that it was the fact that he was kissing his _brother_ that made him so thrilled and nearly delirious. The idea of doing something forbidden and _incestuous_ was truly turning him on like it had never happened when he and Seunghyun started their relationship.

He didn't know how long the kiss lasted but when they finally separated, both panting madly and desperately regaining their breath, Youngbae's hands were gently caressing his hips and Jiyong realized the room had fallen in total silence.

Licking his lips, he looked around nervously and his eyes fell on Seunghyun's gaping expression, eyes wide and…full of lust.

"Holy _shit_!" Seungri suddenly wheezed, the bulge in his pants very noticeable.

Jiyong hummed and fluttered, suddenly not knowing what to do with his hands firmly set on his Youngbae's shoulders and his body still straddling him.

It seemed that no one was going to do anything to break the awkward atmosphere until Seunghyun stood and grabbed Jiyong by the waist and carried him to their room, promptly ending the game. He nearly flung Jiyong on the bed, the small man still dazed and high from the kiss and stared numbly at Seunghyun kneeling in front of him.

"Baby," he breathed as if he had just ran a dozen miles, "that…that was—" he leaned over and rested his head on Jiyong's lap. "God, I've never seen anything like that!" he continued, laughing a bit hysterically. "Baby, you were so hot!"

Jiyong frowned down at the blond head and pushed him away from him making Seunghyun land on his butt with a huff at the foot of the bed. Jiyong fell bonelessly on the bed and heaved a great sigh. "Seunghyun, you pervert!" he snapped bemusedly, " _Youngbae's my brother_!"

Evidently Jiyong didn't want Seunghyun to think he had enjoyed the thing a bit too much.

0


	17. Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the time Seunghyun woke up, Jiyong was not in bed anymore.

0

By the time Seunghyun woke up, Jiyong was not in bed anymore.

The covers surrounding Seunghyun's body like a nest were warm and reassuring but the other side of the bed, still slightly disrupted by the indent of Jiyong's body, was empty and cold.

He scratched his head lazily and a faint smirk curled his lips. Jiyong was probably in the kitchen already, guzzling tea. Seunghyun pulled on a pair of worn out sweats and headed to the bathroom before walking to the kitchen.

He was right. Well, half right, anyway, as it didn't mention what Jiyong would be wearing.

He was standing with one hand braced on the marble kitchen counter, the other holding a cup of what was undoubtedly scalding bitter tea, and only wearing a shirt that hung hugely around his bare shoulders and triple-cuffed pants that definitely belonged to Seunghyun.

It hit him like a punch in the gut, uncurling something hot in his stomach.

"Jiyong," he said, nearly choking on his voice at the perfect vision.

Jiyong made a little humming noise around his tea before setting it down and looking at Seunghyun. "Morning," he whispered with a little smile on his face.

"Your clothes…" Seunghyun breathed, reaching out to pull at the hem of the shirt hanging over Jiyong's waist.

"Oh, yeah," Jiyong laughed, looking down. "You like?"

"I _love_ ," Seunghyun unintentionally growled, stepping forward at the same time. Jiyong looked up at him and Seunghyun caught his lips in a kiss, thumbs going under the hem of the giant shirt and rubbing the smooth skin of Jiyong's hips just above his jeans. Jiyong giggled into Seunghyun's mouth and his breath tasted like lemon tea.

"Do I sense a kink?" he asked against Seunghyun's lips. Seunghyun answered by roughly undoing the button on the jeans Jiyong was wearing and shoving his fingers into Jiyong's boxers, wrapping them around his cock. Jiyong groaned and Seunghyun laughed cheerfully. The jeans, too big to stay on Jiyong's hips unbuttoned, slid to the floor with barely a sound. Seunghyun worked Jiyong while running his hand over the small man's chest, marveling at the feel of smooth skin beneath his palm and soft cotton on the back of his hand. He could tell by the sounds coming out of his lover's mouth and the tightness of his muscles that Jiyong was going to come soon, and, reluctantly, he pulled his hand away.

Jiyong whined as Seunghyun's hand slipped out of his boxers, high and needy, his pupils so blown Seunghyun could barely see the hazel.

"Wanna make love to you, baby," Seunghyun whispered lovingly, hands fisted against the counter on both sides of Jiyong's tiny frame.

Jiyong hummed, biting on his lip, and slowly slithered his body over Seunghyun's, jumping and wrapping his legs around Seunghyun's waist, arms tightly secure around the rapper's neck. Seunghyun let out the breath and ground into him hooking his thumbs into the waistband of Jiyong's boxers, holding Jiyong in his arms like the most precious thing in the world and resuming his kissing.

"Seunghyun?" Jiyong suddenly asked into the kiss. "You think Youngbae'll be pissed with what we did in this kitchen?" Jiyong asked breathlessly, making Seunghyun laugh happily.

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	18. Haze Of Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In their years on the roads, travelling around the world, they ended up in the strangest places.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : graphic sex

0

In their years on the road, of travelling around the world, they ended up in the strangest places.

Seunghyun didn't even remember half the names of the bars and club they visited.

The one outside the van was nothing special, just a hole somewhere in the US, at least he knew that.

Earlier, the driver had just said he didn't want to drive anymore.

He had parked the van in some gas station parking lot, grabbed the keys and disappeared inside the motel not far from the parking space before they could say anything.

Youngbae was pissed, Seunghyun wasn't far behind, Jiyong was indifferent and Seungri just found the situation really hilarious and dragged Daesung to the bar wasting no time to wait for his hyungs. 

It was the first time they were just abandoned like that in some backwater town. Stranded. No nagging managers, no ill-tempered stylists, no overly luxurious hotel rooms…just dusty roads, a rundown motel and a dubious bar on the side of the road.

"At least he left us near a bar…"

Seunghyun chuckled and saw Jiyong roll his eyes. "You won't drink anything, Youngbae. So forget it," the black haired man snapped, glancing sideway at his best friend.

Youngbae glared, narrowing his eyes at the small man sitting in the front seat, but was promptly ignored.

Youngbae looked up at Seunghyun pleadingly but Jiyong hummed. "Don't look at Seunghyun," he murmured, his eyes never leaving his phone.

Seunghyun snorted and caressed the back of Jiyong's head. "You heard the leader, Youngbae."

Youngbae glared one last time and let himself fall down on the side of his seat next to Seunghyun, huffing loudly to mark his displeasure. Being sober _sucked_. He may have the image of the prude member in the public eye, but they all knew he was the one who tended to go too far and drink too much at after parties. "Do you even have signal?" he asked snidely. He didn't think he should be nice to Jiyong when he was the one so adamant he couldn't drink.

Jiyong pursed his lips. " _Yes_ ," he snapped. "And don't take your anger out on me, you fucker!" he snapped lowly. 

Youngbae made a sound and sighed. "Yeah. Sorry."

Jiyong didn't even look in his direction and kept ignoring him.

"Ji, I'm sorry," Youngbae said quietly.

Jiyong puffed his cheeks but continued with the silent treatment. Seunghyun looked up at Youngbae and gently tugged at Jiyong's hair. "He didn't mean to snap at you, baby."

Youngbae straightened up and sat on the floor between the back seat and the front seat. "Ji," he began seriously. "I apologize. I know you're just watching out for me and I really, _really_ appreciate your concern."

Jiyong looked up briefly and nodded mutely, giving him a cold sideway glance. Pursing his lips in concentration, Jiyong shifted position so his bum was resting on his heels and turned on the side to stare.

"What do you think?" Seunghyun asked quietly, looking at the small man serenly.

Jiyong hummed again and shrugged a one-shoulder shrug. "Alright," he finally said softly. "I accept your apologies." Youngbae smiled and nodded once.

Seunghyun looked at Jiyong and bit his lip. "What should we do now?" he asked in the quiet of the van.

Jiyong climbed out of the front seat and crawled to sit on Seunghyun's laps. "I dunno," he muttered and sighed as he aligned his legs on Seunghyun's which were stretched out on the divider between the front seats.

Seunghyun chuckled and slid his hands under Jiyong's tee-shirt to rest his hands on the flat of Jiyong's warm belly. So many years ago, Seunghyun had been rather surprised to find he had nearly gotten instantly hard just by getting a glimpse of Jiyong's stomach whenever his shirt rode up.

 _'Tummy worshipping'_ as Jiyong called it, was probably Seunghyun's favorite form of foreplay. There was something about Jiyong's belly that Seunghyun had never been able to explain, and thanks god, he didn't get hard or entranced when he saw Youngbae or Daesung's bare upper body.

He just loved Jiyong's belly. It was smooth, flat, tightly toned. His hips jutted under his skin just in the right place and the softness of his skin was enough to make Seunghyun swallow thickly and squirm in arousal.

"Seunghyun," Jiyong murmured suddenly.

The blonde jerked out of his thoughts and blinked. "Yeah, yeah. I'm here. What did you say?"

Jiyong chuckled and caressed Seunghyun's hands still resting on his belly. "I was sayin', we should go to that bar. Rescue Daesung and Seungri, get Youngbae out of here before he starts chewing on the seats, you know."

Seunghyun chuckled and nuzzled the back of Jiyong's neck, both lovers ignoring Youngbae's outraged cry.

0

The bar was a dive. Disgusting. Even as a smoker, Seunghyun found the cigarette smoke sickening and it was so thick he could barely see his shoes. It was hot, humid and the mixed odor of sweat, urine and fried food was so strong, Seunghyun's eyes were watering.

"Jesus," Jiyong muttered with a grimace and burrowed further in his lover's side, tucked securely under Seunghyun's arm as the taller man tightly gripped him in fear of losing him.

Seunghyun snorted and nodded in acknowledgement. Jiyong—South Korea's adorable sweetheart, beautiful billionaire Chanel wearing fashionista little G-Dragon couldn't be farther from his comfortable glittering jewel and sparkling universe than he was now.

Seunghyun was wearily watching a group of bikers drunkenly yelling from a booth on the left side and just hoped they wouldn't start a brawl. The last one they had been involved in had resulted with a trip to the ER after a night in some unknown Australian jail.

They found a booth in a corner and Seunghyun grimaced as he put his hand on the table and touched something grimy, sticky and wet. Making a sound of disgust, he grabbed a white paper napkin from the stack on the side, all the while conscious of Jiyong's half concerned, half sympathizing and his half morbid fascinated disgusted stare.

Seunghyun smiled at him and wrapped an arm around Jiyong's waist, dragging him closer to tuck him against his side protectively. Even if people couldn't see them through the fog, he still wanted to make it clear Jiyong was his, and no one could touch him.

"Oh," Jiyong murmured next to him, his mouth suddenly closing on Seunghyun's neck. "I love when you get all protective," he said.

Seunghyun hummed and looked around. Youngbae had managed to find Daesung and Seungri and the three of them were sitting at the bar. Squinting, Seunghyun could see Youngbae had a bottle of Coke in front of him. "Guess you made a good impression on him," he muttered.

Jiyong shifted and lifted his head from where he was nuzzling Seunghyun's neck. "What?"

Seunghyun nodded in Youngbae' direction. Jiyong nearly stretched out over Seunghyun to squint through the smoke. "Oh yeah," he smiled. "Good boy," he sang lowly with a satisfied nod.

Seunghyun chuckled. "He's not a dog, you know," he said.

Jiyong shook his head and turned back to Seunghyun, smiling mischievously at him. He grabbed the beer bottle the waitress had just put there after Seunghyun waved for one—because Jiyong won't ever be caught alive ordering _beer_ —and took a small sip. He grimaced and gave a full body shiver.

"You look like a porn star."

Jiyong blinked and stared at Seunghyun. "What are you on again?" he asked while hitting Seunghyun on the arm, pressing his teeth against the rim of the bottle and hollowing his cheek playfully.

Seunghyun groaned and laughed at the same time. Jiyong was always aware of the effect he had on Seunghyun. "Really," the blond finally said.

"What kind of porn star?"

Seunghyun laughed loudly. "You know what _kind_."

Jiyong grimaced and liked his lips. "Fuck you," he muttered and took another long sip from the bottle. Seunghyun was entranced as he stared at Jiyong's throat and the way his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed.

Seunghyun shifted and slouched a bit more on the cracked imitation leather, unconsciously spreading his legs. He watched Jiyong put the bottle back on the table and turn to look at him, the small man still kneeling on the bench of the booth.

Jiyong grinned and looked at Seunghyun up and down, his bright hazel eyes lingering on Seunghyun's crotch. "Porn star, huh?" he drawled in a deep, slow voice.

Seunghyun nodded at him and his grin widened when Jiyong looked around, his gaze trailing around the bar idly. He pursed his lips unconsciously and inched closer to Seunghyun. He braced his hands against the greasy, dusty ledge behind Seunghyun's head, looming over his lover for a moment, grinning brightly and staring intensely into his eyes.

Jiyong suddenly shifted and Seunghyun instinctively wrapped his hands around Jiyong's waist as the raven haired man straddled him, skinny tights spreading wide around him. Jiyong slide forward, light and warm, his crotch touching Seunghyun's in a simple, innocent brush of fabric against fabric.

Seunghyun moaned and closed his eyes, letting his head fall backward. It was nearly worse that way. He felt Jiyong dip his head forward, touching his lips, smooth and thin and strangely cold to Seunghyun's. Seunghyun hummed appreciatively and engaged them in the kiss, eyes fluttering open when Jiyong's skilled tongue wrapped around his. He could taste beer, heat and something that was so Jiyong Seunghyun didn't immediately register the small, lazy grind of Jiyong's hips against his.

Jiyong leaned back, licking his lips and moved to lick, kiss and suck on Seunghyun's neck, softly nosing the hair behind the blonde's ear. "You're such a tease, baby," Seunghyun breathed and flicked his hips up to get more friction. He was so hard he thought he was going to die. He tightened his hands on Jiyong's hips and panted. His cock jumped, pressing almost painfully against his jeans, hard, thick and painful, just begging to be rubbed harder. 

Jiyong whined lowly, grinding harder and quicker, his hands grasping Seunghyun's shoulders desperately. He settled into a rhythm; rubbing slowly and languidly like a kitten, licking Seunghyun's neck and clenching his fists on his shoulders.

"God, Jiyong," Seunghyun panted as the ache and throbbing in his groin only increased.

"Yeah," Jiyong whispered against his neck in a husky voice. He shut his eyes and moved impossibly closer to Seunghyun, pressing his chest against the blonde's.

Jiyong arched his neck back, eyes staring unseeingly at the ceiling and shuddered when he felt Seunghyun's mouth darting forward and gently bite the skin under his jaw and sucked at it, licking the sweat in long, burning trail of his tongue.

"What if Youngbae and Daesung come looking for us?" Jiyong suddenly asked, still grinding against his lover with his cheek pressed against Seunghyun's.

Seunghyun laughed at the sudden surge of self-consciousness. Jiyong was shy most of the time. Well, at least, when he was in places he didn't know or surrounded by people he didn't know, then, he'd stick by Seunghyun, Youngbae or Daesung's side and cling to them like a limpet.

But sexually, Jiyong wasn't shy. In the bedroom Seunghyun couldn't remember a time Jiyong had said no to some weird experiment, position or role play crossing their minds. Short for heavy BDSM sessions, Seunghyun thought they had done nearly everything possible, in every _place_ possible. So, having sex in a relatively semi-public place like this bar wasn't anything they hadn't done before.

"So what if they come?" he asked finally and moaned at a particularly powerful thrust. "Won't be the first time they've seen us," he purred, sucking so hard on Jiyong's throat he was sure he'd leave a bruise. Sweat was gathering over Seunghyun's body and he could feel beads roll down the side of his neck. He grabbed Jiyong more forcefully by the hips and forced him to move quicker and harder. "Yeah," he panted. "Yeah, Jiyong, come on, baby."

Seunghyun suddenly straightened from his slouched position and wrapped his arms around Jiyong, slipping his hands under his shirt and running them up and down the narrow back, feeling every ribs and bones jutting out under the thin skin. He arched, strained and thrust his cock up harder in frantic, mind-blowing movements, rejoicing in Jiyong's desperate plea for more.

"Look at you, Jiyong," Seunghyun breathed against Jiyong's skin. "You're beautiful, riding me like that. God Jiyong, your cock's so hard. I can feel you, baby." He choked slightly and moaned loudly when he felt his orgasm quickly approaching. "You're hot as hell, baby. You love doing it in public, don't you? Can you imagine the scandal if Dispatch caught you like that?"

Jiyong mewled softly, too far gone to answer coherently. He could only pant against Seunghyun's neck, his hands so tightly clenched on the back of the seat his knuckles were white. "Yes," he whimpered.

Seunghyun moved his hands on Jiyong's hips and suddenly stopped the brunet's movements, electing a sharp cry of pain and incomprehension from his lover. "I didn't hear you," Seunghyun whispered in his ear. "You love it, don't you?" he pressed.

Jiyong made a small sobbing sound of frustration, too incoherent to form any logical thought and nodded frantically. "Yes, yes, yes!" he cried out. "Please, Seunghyun! Please!"

Seunghyun smiled gently and let go of Jiyong's hips, gently sliding his hands down to his lover's ass. "It's okay, baby, it's okay," he panted and threw his head back as Jiyong resumed his frenzied humping. 

After that they didn't speak. Couldn't really, Seunghyun was only feeling at the moment. The feeling of Jiyong in his arms, body hot like a furnace was the best feeling in the world. Jiyong was everything. Perfect. Gorgeous.

"God, Jiyong, I love you," he moaned. His cock twitched with all the rough, unrelenting stimulation and suddenly his vision whitened almost painfully as his cock literally exploded in his pants, a long, thick squirt of come finally released after such a long and painfully sweet ministration. He gasped and panted, slumping against the seat, his hands still gripping Jiyong's hips tightly. 

He looked up and realized Jiyong had yet to come and was still grinding on him desperately. Seunghyun shifted Jiyong easily; his lover too confused to oppose any resistance and sat Jiyong on his lap, his back to his chest. The change of position had taken away the rubbing power the previous one had and Jiyong whined in frustration. "Please."

Seunghyun nodded behind him, lips gently kissing the sweaty skin of Jiyong's neck and gently rubbed Jiyong's belly under his shirt before quickly sneaking inside his black trousers and gripping his cock. "Yes!" Jiyong hissed.

Seunghyun started to pump his member quickly, twisting his wrist like he knew Jiyong loved, alternating between short tugs and long ones before Jiyong lifted his arms behind his head to grab Seunghyun's hair, twisting his finger in the blond strands.

"Seunghyun, Seunghyun, Seunghyun," he moaned and shifted his hands so he was tugging at his own black hair. "Seunghyun I'm—I'm gonna—"

Seunghyun shifted slightly so he could see Jiyong's face and smiled. His features were screwed up, gorgeously flushed, and his thick cock was hot and heavy in his hands. "Come on, baby, let go," he whispered in Jiyong's ear.

Suddenly, Jiyong's body arched tightly, every muscle tensing and Seunghyun felt the abdominal muscles of his stomach contract under his free hand. Jiyong's eyes snapped open and he gritted his teeth forcibly as he came undone in Seunghyun's arms.

After a few seconds, Seunghyun withdrew his hand from Jiyong's pants and waited for Jiyong's breathing to even while gently rubbing his belly. While he was doing that, he turned to look around them, noting that nobody was looking in their direction. He panicked slightly when he saw that Daesung and Youngbae where not sitting at the bar anymore and wrapped his arms tighter around Jiyong, suddenly a bit scared they had been left alone in a fucking dive, in the fucking middle of nowhere, when a voice suddenly jerked him out of his thought.

"Goddamn, you two can't keep it in your pants, can you?"

Seunghyun looked up and sighed in relief at Youngbae and Daesung gliding on the bench of the booth on the other side of the table. He grinned and grabbed the bottle of beer forgotten on the table. Taking a sip, he groaned and nearly gagged at the warm, stale beverage.

He chuckled when Jiyong made no move to get off his lap and continued to caress his stomach. He felt a hand sneak over his and looked down at the side of Jiyong's face. The black haired man was smiling impishly at him, hazel eyes full of mirth and Seunghyun leaned down to kiss him, conveying all the love he could in the gesture.

"God, hyung, you look totally shagged out," Daesung sniggered in his drink, staring at Jiyong.

Jiyong squirmed a bit and pressed his cheek against Seunghyun's shoulder. "You're jealous," he muttered tiredly.

Seunghyun yawned behind him and rubbed his cheek against the top of Jiyong's head. "We should go, before we fall asleep."

Jiyong nodded. "Yeah."

Youngbae and Daesung snorted at the same time. "You're disgustingly sweet. I'm gonna be sick," Daesung laughed.

Seunghyun kicked him under the table and gathered Jiyong against him, ready to stand. "Shut up. And get laid. Come on, baby. We're going, I'm sure the motel still has some vacancy. Where's Seungri?" he muttered as an after thought, already walking away with Jiyong tucked under his arm.

Youngbae and Daesung watched them walk to the door and disappear in the clear night air. "Not a word!" Youngbae suddenly said, turning his head to glare at his friend.

Daesung's mouth snapped shut. He puffed his cheeks and frowned. "I wasn't gonna say anything…" he muttered, shifting uncomfortably in his tight pants.

0


	19. How Would We Die?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He'd never given much thought to how he would die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : near death experience

0

He'd never given much thought to how he would die.

The water was rapidly filling the dark place, cracking and twisting noises of metal echoing loudly in the dark night. The moon flickered and reflected on the surface of the thick, murky water. He could feel his trembling body weakening, the effort to keep his head above the water too difficult. Drowning wouldn't have been his first choice of how to die. It was too messy, too scary— _too slow_.

He didn't know where the others where. He had been sitting in the back of the van with headphones on, his computer on his laps, trying new ideas that had sprung into his head. He had been about to put away his things and crawl to join the middle row of the van when everything had happened. He had been thrown against the window at the back of the van, disarticulated like a puppet without string.

He had felt his body slam violently against the window and after that everything was mute darkness. When he had woken up, he was lying on his side facing the back window and behind it, only water. He guessed he could think himself lucky not to have gone through the glass.

He had blinked and looked around him, looking for something, someone, but all he could see by the windows was water. The van must have fallen into a pond or a lake or the sea for all he knew. The windows were cracking under the pressure of the surrounding water and he could see small, web like cracks on the window panes.

It wouldn't be long before they broke and then he'd be engulfed by the water. Swallowed up alive and condemned to a slow and terrifying death.

It was at that moment that he thought about his imminent death. Before, it had never really crossed his mind. Granted, they all had lived some pretty rough moments but they had never really been confronted to death, except for Daesung's accident.

Here, feeling the icy water slowly fill the botDaesung of the van, waist deep in it, he thought about freaky accident and what his parents and sister would feel.

He thought about Seunghyun. Because where was he? Where was Seunghyun? The last time he had seen him he had been sleeping in the front seat. Was he stuck like him? Was he wondering where he was? Was he cold?

He shifted in the water, his completely numb body shaking uncontrollably and tried to move his left leg. It was stuck. He didn't know how or by what, but he couldn't move. He was trapped and, looking at the rapidly expanding crack on the windows, he guessed he didn't have much longer.

He wondered why he wasn't more scared, why he wasn't panicking. He wondered if it was because of the fact his body was so numb he could barely breath or the fact that he somehow had accepted his impending death.

Maybe he should struggle, try to free his leg and use the seats to climb to the top of the van.

His only regret was not knowing where Seunghyun was. He would have liked to know if he was okay. He didn't know where he was. He couldn't hear a thing. He was cold and he didn't think he'd be able to even call for help or call for Seunghyun.

He would have liked to hear Seunghyun's voice one last time. He just hoped, in the most twisted and foolish way, that his death meant his friends would be spared. That if he died, at least Seunghyun and Youngbae and Daesung would survive. He hoped one soul was enough to save three and thanked all the gods Seungri hadn't been with them in the van

Dying in the place of someone you loved seemed like a good way to go. Something Seunghyun could remember him by and be proud to tell his future children.

He'd give his life to save Seunghyun. He'd give anything to the man he loved more than himself. Seunghyun was his sunshine, his reason to live and his everything. Seunghyun was the one thing giving him a reason to wake up every morning and face the day. Face the expectation of an ever more demanding world waiting for him to fail at every turn and crucify him at the smallest mistake.

Without Seunghyun, he wouldn't be half the man he is today. He wouldn't have made it. He would have made all the wrong decisions and destroyed everything. Seunghyun was the one person able to show him his flaws and put him back on the right path. 

He guessed dying to save Seunghyun was good payback for everything he had done for him. For all the times he had wanted to stop and throw everything away. For all the times Seunghyun had comforted him, taken him in his arms and rocked him back and forth, chasing the nightmares away, never complaining about being woken up in the middle of the night by terrified cries.

He hoped Seunghyun was okay.

Because if he wasn't, it meant he hadn't been able to save him. He was arrogant enough to believe his death was the solution to save others; he just wanted his death not to be for nothing.

He wanted Seunghyun.

Teeth chattering, he coughed harshly, his lungs screaming in agony at the sudden movement. He was now neck deep in the water and it would only be a few more minutes before he was completely submerged.

He opened his left palm with difficulty, his limbs not cooperating with his brain’s command and fingered the silver band he knew was there on his ring finger. Seunghyun had proposed to him on a shiny day. It had been the logical step in their longtime relationship, and probably one of the most beautiful day of his life after his wedding day.

Thinking about how things had been at that time, Seunghyun was his savior. His doubt about his talent, his fear of failing the great expectations put on his shoulders was so big he'd nearly lost himself. Thinking back to it now, he had felt apathetic and indifferent but he could see the results of everything he went through in his youth in everything he did today. His insecurities, his fear of being alone and abandoned, his fear of not being enough and not doing enough to please the people around him, the fear of being the root of all evil…He had been affected more than he wanted to admit.

An unexpected sob tore out of his mouth and he spluttered when some of it got caught in his mouth. Fear and panic now started to take their hold on him and his previous calmness and detachment had disappeared, instead being replaced by an agonizing lead weight in his belly.

He felt selfish.

It was selfish to be afraid when he knew (irrationally, absurdly) that his death meant the survival of his friends. What if he survived but they were all dead? What if he survived to learn Seunghyun was dead, that he had drowned because he hadn't been brave enough to face his death?

He hoped his life meant something, was worth something at least. He needed Seunghyun to be alive more than he needed oxygen.

He sobbed one last time, ashen face turned upward and he closed his eyes when the water covered him completely.

Silence.

Dull and heavy.

Empty and peaceful.

He was not scared…he was terrified.

He opened his eyes and turned his head slowly. How long can a human live without breathing? Underwater, things were dark, blurred and indistinct. He didn't know if it was him—the creeping exhaustion taking its toll on him—or the muddiness of the water.

Probably both.

He hoped he wouldn't get sick from being submerged in water as dirty as this. He tried to remember if he had any open cuts on his skin; he didn't want an infection. He remembered cutting his finger two weeks ago. He hoped it was healed enough. He also hoped his computer wasn't too damaged. Could it still work after falling into water?

He heard a loud but smothered sound on his left and realized the windowpane was bending under the pressure. How much longer before it broke? Was he too close? Was he going to be cut to pieces by the shards of glass?

He felt his lungs scream in his chest and realized he was out of strength. How long has it been? Forty five seconds? A minute? He brought his hands to his chest and fisted them against his heart.

He should have done more than kiss Seunghyun's sleeping cheek when he went to the back of the van. He should have stayed snuggled with him, with Seunghyun's arms surrounding him. He shouldn't have moved. Because if he hadn’t, he would know. He would know if Seunghyun was alive or not.

A strange moving beam of light dazzled him momentarily and he had to close his eyes and look away. When he opened them again he sluggishly turned his head and frowned. Someone was banging on the windowpane. They were waving at him, gesticulating and doing some strange sign as if to tell him something. He didn't understand.

Actually, he didn't believe he cared enough.

0

Seunghyun's entire body was shaking violently, huddled under the blanket a paramedic had thrown on him. He had suffered through their examination as patiently as he could, answered their question with mute nod or shake of the head until they had finally deemed him healthy enough to leave him alone.

Standing frozen on the bank of the river, under the bridge the van had fallen from, he could only pray for the divers to find Jiyong. Daesung and Youngbae were standing next to him, the three of them huddled together shaking, bruised and bloody but alive.

They were all alive.

"Come on," he sobbed quietly. "Come on, baby."

Youngbae wrapped a supportive arm around his shoulder, his other resting against his side in a sling and squeezed. "He'll be fine," he said shakily.

Daesung's teeth chattered as he spoke. "He was in the back," he said, "he must be—" he stopped abruptly when Youngbae slapped the back of his head violently. Daesung gulped and looked at Seunghyun's frozen face, staring unblinkingly at the still water. "Yeah. Yeah, he's fine."

Suddenly one of the divers resurfaced, and they watched in fear and trepidation as he made a negative movement with his hands. The three friends wavered, their shoulders slumping. "Please, baby," Seunghyun sobbed, his hands shaking as he gripped the blanket tighter around his shoulders. "Don't leave me, come on, come on, _Kwon Jiyong_. Come on!"

The diver took his mask off and addressed the firefighters and policemen standing on the riverside. "The van is sinking in the mud! We have to dig on the sides to get to the windows!"

Seunghyun's breath hitched in his chest when he heard that. Jiyong was likely to drown or get crushed. At the speed things went, it wouldn't be long before they deemed the search too risky for the divers and wound up with a corpse.

The man put his mask back on and dived again, disappearing underwater. He couldn't conceive a life without Jiyong. It was impossible. How was he supposed to leave the riverside without his best friend, lover and husband? How was he supposed to continue? Jiyong was his reason and his life. He was the person he did everything for. He was his oxygen. He was his everything. How was he going to explain to Jiyong's parents and sister, to his parents, to their friends, to the fans that Jiyong was just _gone_?

Two divers suddenly resurfaced and one of them was dragging something in his arms. It was at that moment that a loud, horrible screeching sound of torn metal coming from underwater pierced the heavy atmosphere of the night.

For a moment, Seunghyun felt himself going crazy with panic, having lost sight of the two divers before he heard a commotion on his left. The two men had been pushed towards the shore, their bundle now lying on the ground and Seunghyun couldn't wait any longer before throwing the blanket from his shoulders and rushing towards the frantic paramedics.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he caught a glimpse of his lover's still unbreathing body. His lips were blue and his eyes half opened, staring unseeingly at the sky.

"Jiyong," he whispered hoarsely. He flinched when one of the medics ripped Jiyong's shirt open and quickly dried him with a towel before starting chest compressions. To Seunghyun, the man seemed too large, too strong, his hands too big to push so forcibly on Jiyong's narrow ribcage.

Surely he was going to hurt him.

He jerked a bit when he felt the blanket being replaced on his shoulders and nodded mutely at Youngbae, standing next to him. "Come on, Ji," he heard the singer pray under his breath. "Don't do this, come on, baby."

Seunghyun flinched again when the medic shook his head, his shoulders slumping and yelled for the defibrillator with a booming voice.

Seunghyun couldn't remember a time he had been this scared and powerless. He watched Jiyong's small and frail body jerk violently under the electric shock, and knew it was a series of events he'd never be able to forget.

Between each shock, the medic was forcibly running his knuckles against Jiyong's sternum to stimulate his heart. Seunghyun didn't know how much time they spent shocking and crushing Jiyong's chest but after what seem like eternity, Jiyong suddenly jolted before he started coughing violently and retch muddy water out of his mouth.

A medic turned him on his side, patting his back and rubbing his whole body and limbs vigorously with a towel, while another medic placed IV's into the inside of his arms and the back of his hands before bundling him up in survival blankets and placing him on a stretcher, an oxygen mask placed on his face.

Seunghyun followed them hurriedly and forced his way through policemen, firefighters, medics and a myriad of unknown people before he was standing in front of the back of the vehicle, staring at Jiyong intensely. "I'll go with you," he stated firmly.

The tall medic looked up from the syringe he was holding and about to insert inside Jiyong's IV and seemed to assess him. "Husband?" he asked perceptibly.

Seunghyun nodded mutely, feeling a lump form in his throat and sighed in relief when the medic nodded. He got in, sat on the bench on the side, as far away from the equipment as he could and turned to look at Daesung and Youngbae. "Meet us at the hospital, yeah?"

The two men nodded simultaneously and waved just before a policeman closed the door and hit his hand on the door to signal to the driver that everything was ready.

Seunghyun turned back to the medic who was injecting the liquid into Jiyong's IV and turned his eyes to look at Jiyong. The small man was bundled up under a pile of thermal blankets but still shaking crazily, his face leaning to the side and his hair combed backwards. He was deathly pale, nearly grey, his lips and eyelids still blue, but still, something was different from the Jiyong Seunghyun had seen dragged out of water. He didn't look like a corpse anymore. He looked alive. And he guessed he had to feel grateful for it.

The medic eyed him while checking on an IV line and spoke. "You can touch him," he said soothingly, his voice miles different from the stern, harsh tone he had used outside.

Seunghyun looked at him and nodded, leaning over and gently running his finger on the only patch of milky skin visible between the mask and the blankets. "Hey, baby. Hang in there, yeah? You're gonna be fine."

His lips trembled when Jiyong shifted slightly, coughing weakly and struggling to open his eyes. Dull hazel eyes blinked sluggishly at him and it took a great amount of effort for him to focus on him. Seunghyun smiled reassuringly at him. "You're okay, baby. I'm here."

Jiyong moved his head slightly as if he wanted to nuzzle into Seunghyun's hand and he let out a sobbing laugh. "I love you too, Jiyong. I love you." The small man stared at him in adoration a while longer before the fight against unconsciousness became too hard and he surrendered to it.

Seunghyun continued to silently stroke his cheek during the drive to the hospital.

Today, he had come too close to lose everything.

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	20. Memory Of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Have you been to see your grandmother?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : alzheimer disease

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"Have you been to see your grandmother?"

Jiyong sighed, his head resting on his stretched arm on the kitchen table. "Not yet," he mumbled.

Jaehwa frowned at him. "Pardon?" she asked testily.

Jiyong sighed again and spoke more clearly. "I said _not yet_ …mom," he added as an afterthought.

The dark haired woman clucked her tongue and turned back to the vegetables she was cutting into small pieces. "You're going back to Japan tomorrow, Jiyong, I expect you to see her before leaving."

Jiyong buried his head in his crossed arms. "Yeah," he muttered.

Jaehwa sighed and dropped a bowl of carrots and a peeler next to him. "At least be useful," she said in a calmer tone. She knew the situation was hard on her children, maybe even more so on Jiyong as he wasn't often there.

Jiyong grimaced at his given task but started to peel the carrots slowly. "I'll go this afternoon," he said after a while.

Jaehwa stared at him for a moment and nodded. "I know you don't want to, but—she'll be pleased."

Jiyong snorted. "Yeah, right."

The woman leaned over the table and gently tipped Jiyong's head with a small flip under his chin. "Be brave, honey."

Jiyong made a pained grimace and nodded. "Okay," he whispered, "I just wish Seunghyun was here."

Jaehwa chuckled. "I know, honey. And as love struck as you both are, I'm surprised you managed to part for as long as a day."

Jiyong made a face at her and looked mutinously at the carrots in front of him. "I can manage a day without him, you know, and he needed to see his parents and sister," he defended himself. "Without being distracted…" _by me_ , he added in his head.

Jaehwa snorted. "Of course, darling, I believe you."

Jiyong looked at her in outraged disbelief. "I can!"

"I'm not listening to you anymore, Jiyong."

The small man glared at her back and bared his teeth in annoyance.

"I saw that," Jaehwa said in an flat voice.

Jiyong puffed his cheeks, slightly blushing and sniffed indignantly. He still didn't know how she could do that, but he hoped that one day he’d be able to do it and get right back at her.

Fingers suddenly snapped in front of him and he flinched. "Focus, Jiyong," Jaehwa chuckled. "I need those carrots."

Jiyong nodded and quickly finished his task before standing and dropping the freshly peeled carrots in the boiling water. "I'll go after lunch," he said in a quiet voice.

Jaehwa smiled tenderly at him and kissed his forehead. "That's a good thing, honey."

Lunchtime was a quiet affair between the two of them and sooner than he wanted, Jiyong had finished his third cup of tea and could barely stand the idea of a forth one as he was pretty sure he'd throw up.

Jaehwa eyed him washing his cup in the sink, despite the fact that she owned a dishwasher, his hold on the cup so hard she was sure he'd break it. "Jiyong…" she trailed off. The man turned, a wild, terrified look in his bright hazel eyes, mutely staring at her. "Go on," she murmured softly with a small, encouraging smile on her lips.

Jiyong swallowed painfully and twisted his hands on the hem of his black shirt, a gesture she knew too well in her younger son. It translated as intense anxiety.

The dark haired man nodded and walked briskly, almost stiffly to the hall, grabbed his black leather jacket and slipped out of the house silently.

Jaehwa approached the window and pushed the curtain aside as she watched her son walk slowly down the road, in the direction of the city center. He was dressed in all black with his hood up and sunglasses hiding his identity. Unfortunately, his clothes seemed painfully fitting for where he was going.

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Jiyong stood in front of the moderately big building and took a deep breath before he entered the nursing home. Grimacing as the smell immediately assaulted him he walked to the front desk and smiled grimly at the nurse sitting behind it. "Hello, I'm here to see Kim Jiwon," he said quietly, drumming his fingers on the counter and praying no one would recognize him here.

The nurse smiled at him. "Are you a relative?" she asked nicely.

Jiyong licked his lips nervously and buried one of his sweaty hands in a pocket of his black skinny pants. "Yeah. Her grandson."

The nurse tapped something on her keyboard and nodded. "Are you Kwon Insung?" she asked.

Jiyong shook his head curtly. "Kwon Jiyong. Insung's my cousin."

The nurse looked at him with something and seemed to politely recognize him but nodded gently. "Of course, I apologize. We have to write down every person who visits her," she explained, shifting her eyes to her computer screen.

Jiyong nodded and exhaled excruciatingly slowly. He could feel a heavy weight of lead settle agonizingly and press deeply in his stomach.

After a moment, the nurse handed him a clipboard and asked him to sign at the bottom. He did it quickly and silently, thanked her with a nod and walked down the hallway in the direction she pointed.

He stopped in front of the door with his grandmother's name on a small nameplate and took a deep breath. He really didn't want to do it. Despite what everyone said about having to visit old people in those nursing homes, it was sometimes horribly painful and hard. Jiyong didn't care if people said he was a cold, unfeeling bastard for not wanting to be there but he couldn't help what he was feeling.

He loathed visiting his grandmother.

He couldn't stand to see her in there.

He lifted a trembling hand and knocked on the door, waiting for an answer. When it didn't come, he hesitated but still opened the door and entered. He stopped in the threshold, staring at his grandmother who was sitting on a chair with floral pattern, engrossed in the program TV she was watching.

"Hey Nana," he greeted in a small voice.

She didn't hear him and he approached uneasily. "Hey Nana," he repeated louder.

The old woman blinked and turned her head in his direction, smiling confusedly. "Is it time for dinner?" she asked.

Jiyong recoiled violently, her words like a blow to his stomach but he ran a violently shaking hand through his hair. "No, Nana, it's not time for dinner," he answered with a watery smile.

The old woman smiled feebly and turned back to her program. Jiyong twisted his hands together and stifled a sob. He took a deep breath and stepped in her direction. "Do you—do you mind if I sit and watch TV with you?" he asked sorrowfully.

Nana smiled at him and patting the arm of the second chair next to hers. "Not at all, dear," she answered, "and while you're here, I'll able to tell you everything about my famous grandson, Jiyong," she said in an animated and excited voice.

Jiyong sat and turned to smile at her wanly. "You have a famous grandson called Jiyong?" he asked.

She hummed and nodded contentedly. "Yes, he's a _superstar_ ," she said proudly.

Jiyong took his coat off and sat to listen to the story of a man called Jiyong, who wrote and sang in a band called Bigbang, who married his best childhood friend, who travelled the world and met new people and experienced new things every day, and wore the most beautiful clothes and jewelry.

Jiyong spent his afternoon listening silently to the story of his life told by his own grandmother, who never recognized him and didn't know that it was him right there next to her, so close, but so far, completely forgotten.

He despised every second of it.

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	21. Nation Of Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun knew that when Jiyong started to cry he had fucked up. Royally.

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Seunghyun knew that when Jiyong started to cry he had fucked up. Royally.

"God, I'm so sorry, baby," he muttered as he crawled toward Jiyong's tiny and shaking form huddled against the toilet boil, throwing his guts up while sobbing and whimpering in agony.

Seunghyun gently rested a hand on Jiyong's small shoulder but took it back quickly when it only caused Jiyong to sob more violently. "Shit," he muttered and ran a trembling hand through his hair.

He had called Youngbae about half an hour ago but the man hadn't been of any help, except to scream at Seunghyun for his sheer idiocy and promising to do some unthinkable thing to him when he finally got his hands on him.

But no matter, Youngbae didn't need to kill him because right now if Jiyong didn't need him so much, Seunghyun would have thrown himself out of the window a long time ago to end his pathetic, stupid life.

He had forgotten Jiyong's painkillers and they were snowed in, in a fucking cabin in the middle of South Korea's northern _nowhere_ and Seunghyun simply couldn't do anything to alleviate his pain. He supposed watching Jiyong suffer through bouts of agony, begging Seunghyun to stop the pain was his penance for being so completely irresponsible.

What was supposed to be a nice, quiet time for Jiyong to recover from the assault was becoming a nightmare for the both them. He slid back towards Jiyong and sat next to him as he rested his head against the closet under the sink, closing his eyes and wincing at every gut wrenching sob coming from his small lover.

After about fifteen minutes like that, Seunghyun suddenly realized that the bathroom was completely silent, except for the ragged painful breaths coming from Jiyong's huddled form. He was curled up between the wall and the toilet, his pasty-white gaunt face drenched with sweat, his whole body shaking violently and a permanent grimace of pain contorting his beautiful face.

Seunghyun swallowed heavily and gently grabbed Jiyong, ignoring the quiet whimper and pleading before delicately wrapping Jiyong in the blankets he had brought and setting Jiyong on his lap, his head in the crook of his arms, other running a wet cloth over his exhausted face.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispered, afraid to speak too loudly in the silent and eerie atmosphere surrounding them. "I'm so, so sorry," he said.

Jiyong opened his eyes in a flash, wincing and grimacing as he lifted a trembling hand to Seunghyun's face and shook his head once. "Hyunni, 's'okay," he slurred, wave after wave of pain wrecking his body. He swallowed heavily and let his hand fall limply on Seunghyun's chest, pressing his small face into Seunghyun's shirt and inhaling weakly.

"No, baby," Seunghyun growled angrily, "it's not okay!" he said, furious at himself for putting them through that and being the one responsible of his lover's pain.

Jiyong feebly pinched Seunghyun's chest through the shirt. "You di'n't stab me," he muttered, whimpering as he pressed a hand gingerly to his belly. "God," he cried as another wave of pain assaulted him, "'s'not y'r fault, Hyunni."

He stopped speaking suddenly and lurched to the left, throwing up half on the tiled floor and half on himself and Seunghyun. "S'ry," he groaned after only spitting out bile.

Seunghyun hugged him close, not caring that they were both covered in vomit and bile and gently kissed Jiyong's feverish forehead. "Nothing to be sorry about, baby," he soothed, "puke all you want on me."

Jiyong giggled tiredly and moaned as the movement jarred the stitches in his stomach. Seunghyun winced and rested his cheek on the top of Jiyong's head. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

Jiyong sighed and grabbed Seunghyun's hands, linking it with his and squeezed it with as much force as he could. "You—you've got to stop blamin' yourself, Seunghyun," he whispered.

Seunghyun looked down, opening his mouth to say something but Jiyong put his trembling hand over Seunghyun's mouth, silencing him. "I'm not talkin' 'bout the painkillers," he added seriously, his hazel eyes full of tears and pain and concern for Seunghyun.

Seunghyun shook his head, moving Jiyong's hand from his mouth and gritted his teeth, glaring at nothing. His body was tensed but his hands and arms were soft and protectively cradling Jiyong, loath to hurt him more than he already had been, more than he already was.

"Say it," Jiyong snapped from the warm cocoon of blankets.

Seunghyun shook his head, not caring that unchecked tears were sliding down his cheeks. He felt Jiyong's small hand caress his cheeks affectionately, wiping the tears away, but didn't say anything, least of all what Jiyong wanted to hear. That it wasn't his fault. That he wasn't responsible for Jiyong's state. That if he had kept the promise he made so long ago, Jiyong wouldn't have been in a hospital bed, lingering between life and death for two months, fighting to survive.

Between the moment Daesung called him in shock to tell Jiyong was in hospital after being stabbed four times by a crazy fan and the moment he arrived at the hospital, Seunghyun couldn't remember anything. It was all a blur of images and sounds that he couldn’t decipher. The doctors told them it was serious and that they weren't very optimistic on his chances and that even _if_ Jiyong got through the operation then it wasn't given he would survive.

His heart stopped beating twice during surgery and once after in recovery.

But then, following that, he started to heal a lot faster than anyone could have imagined.

Seunghyun had just gotten him back at home a few weeks ago when he decided it would do them good to get away from everything; the frenzy of thousands of worried fans wanting to know how their favourite idol was, of their panicking families calling every few hours to know if Jiyong was still okay since their last phone conversation, of hundreds of friends trying to reach them, of the media requesting interviews and pictures of a recovering Jiyong.

Hyunsuk did weekly press conferences to keep everyone up to date, Youngbae, Seunghyun and Seungri regularly posted comments and a few pictures of Jiyong on their Instagram to keep the fans reassured, telling succinctly that Jiyong was on the mend and that he was resting and healing and needed all the calm and peace he could have.

Of course, their friends didn't post that Seunghyun was the stupidest retard in the world and had forgotten his lover's painkillers in Seoul.

He was suddenly jerked out of his thoughts by Jiyong's small but firm fist punching him on the jaw lightly. It didn't really hurt but the suddenness of it made him hiss. He looked down incredulously at the small dark haired man in his arm, eyes questioning. "What was that for?" he asked.

"If you're goin' to beat yourself up 'bout wha' happened, might as well help you," Jiyong answered, glaring through his pain.

Seunghyun let out a surprised laugh but quickly sobered, running his hand through Jiyong's matted hair.

Jiyong sighed and snuggled closer to the warm heat of Seunghyun's body. "You weren't there, blamin' yourself won't change 'nything," he whispered, distractingly playing with the hem of Seunghyun's blue shirt.

Seunghyun shrugged. "I should've been there," he answered.

Jiyong snorted and shook his head. "Daesung was there, he couldn't do anything…"

Seunghyun shook his head angrily. "Doesn't matter, I could have done something!" he raged, not noticing that he was close to yelling.

"What?" Jiyong asked calmly.

"ANYTHING!" Seunghyun screamed down at him. He blinked when he saw Jiyong's exhausted face nodding tearfully back at him, lips trembling. "God, baby, I'm so—"

Jiyong lifted his hand once more and violently dug his nails in Seunghyun's cheek, ice in his eyes as he glared. "Shut up!" he said with as much force as he could. "Stop fucking apologising all the time!" he continued, his voice suddenly stronger than it had been in weeks and his whole demeanour more lucid and not as clouded by pain like it had been for the last few hours.

"Daesung was there! He was fucking standing not even a foot from me and he couldn't do anything! The guy was on me," he yelled and sobbed at the same time, "and even Daesung couldn't get him to let me go! It took three more guys to stop that fucker! And he hurt Jaeoh hyung!" he choked, "Seunghyun, he hurt him because of _me_! What if it had been you?" he yelled and sobbed, his whole body shaking with spasms of terror and renewed pain.

Seunghyun shook his head and looked helplessly at the broken man in his arms. "I didn't know, baby," he whispered bending over to press his forehead against Jiyong's. "I didn't know," he repeated.

Jiyong continued to sob but managed to link his skinny arms around Seunghyun's neck, hiding his face in his lover's neck and crying his heart out. Crying for Seunghyun feeling guilty because of him, for their friend that was hurt because of him and for putting his family through all that suffering.

"I'm sorry, Seunghyun!" he moaned painfully, "I'm sorry! It's my fault, I'm so sorry!"

Seunghyun shook his head and rocked them gently. "God, Jiyong, it's not your fault. Please, don't do that!" he pleaded as he held the most precious being in his world. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt like that," he moaned. "I didn't know, baby."

They stayed like that for what seem like hours. Jiyong finally fell into an exhausted and restless sleep, body still shaken by throbbing spasms and Seunghyun kept hugging him, cradling him protectively, soothing him and humming.

He closed his eyes against the harsh light of the bathroom, he prayed to any God willing to listen to make the snow stop and allow him to get Jiyong something to relieve the pain…

…and wished for something to make him forget about that horrifying phone call not so long ago.

_"Hyung? It's Daesung. Something happened. It's Jiyong—"_

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	22. Past And Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong had comfort clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : depression

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Jiyong had comfort clothes.

Sometimes, Seunghyun could say how his lover was feeling just by the clothes he wore.

For example, when he was wearing tight pants and tight fitting designer shirts worth thousands of won's, Seunghyun knew Jiyong was feeling confident and self-assured. Those times, Seunghyun knew he was feeling good in his head and in his body. He was feeling comfortable being G-Dragon.

But there were the other times.

The times when Jiyong was wearing large, shapeless pants, too big shirts and pilling tee-shirts and thick pullovers.

Seunghyun hated those times.

Since he’d met Jiyong, he knew Jiyong had always balanced between depressive and euphoric states.

Seunghyun knew how to manage those states. He knew not to leave Jiyong alone too long when he was feeling so low he could barely get out of bed in the mornings and refused to eat and he knew how to ground and refrain Jiyong for doing something stupid when he felt he could do anything, like spending hours on end in the studio composing and writing but never stopping to eat, drink or sleep.

Those times had led to particularly painful and dangerous situations in the past, when Seunghyun wasn’t such an expert in Jiyong's moods and the small man wasn't as obvious with his moods as he was nowadays.

Today Jiyong was feeling melancholic.

Seunghyun could see. He was moving like an old man, as if his entire body hurt, looking forlorn and despondent, not really knowing what to do, normally bright eyes dull.

Seunghyun sighed and watched Jiyong nearly crawl into the recording room, looking lost in his head.

"He's in that kind of mood, today?" Youngbae asked quietly, sitting on a leather chair in front of the soundboard and tinkering with a few nobs.

Seunghyun hummed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah."

Youngbae nervously shifted, and leaned against the arm of the chair. He cleared his throat and Seunghyun looked sideways in his direction. "Spill it, Dong Youngbae," he snapped.

Youngbae swirled his chair and shifted on the leather, an arm thrown on the backrest, until he was facing Seunghyun sitting on the couch behind the bank of computers. "You ever think of—making him see a professional?"

Seunghyun snorted. "A shrink?"

Youngbae shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck like he did when he was particularly anxious. "Yeah."

Seunghyun slouched in the couch and bended his arms behind his head. "Remember that time in Japan when during the _Alive_ tour?" he said, "when Jiyong fell backstage and threw up?"

Youngbae frowned in concertation before nodding. "Yeah," he breathed. "After that, you and him disappeared for—what? Two weeks?"

Seunghyun nodded. "I took him to a private clinic in Kyoto."

Youngbae frowned. "Why?" he whispered.

The taller man hummed again and closed his eyes. "He OD'ed."

The singer froze. "What?"

"On Prozac," Seunghyun continued. "He had a prescription but he didn't know how to take them and I didn't know better. He took too many because he had forgotten when he’d taken the last pill."

Youngbae nodded slowly. "Okay…why didn't you tell us— _me_?"

Seunghyun chuckled mirthlessly and pressed the heel of his hands in his eyes. "It was— _god_ , Youngbae—It was…you didn't see him—"

Youngbae stood and glared. "Obviously I didn't _see_ him. You just _left_!"

Seunghyun groaned and stood, facing Youngbae. "What was I supposed to say? _'Oh Youngbae, remember when I was stupid enough to leave a suicidal manic depressive_ manage his regime of anti-depressant alone so much that he got sick with it!'" 

As soon as he finished he knew he had said too much. Youngbae had always been soft with Jiyong. Hell, he was more sensible than most could believe, but Seunghyun guessed it had to do with Youngbae being Jiyong's childhood protector. He had that instinctual, brotherly love for their leader.

" _Suicidal_?"

Youngbae tugged at his longish hair. "Hell, do you have any other bombshells like that to throw at me? Is it confession-time? Is Jiyong suffering from a strange exotic disease and you forgot to tell me?"

Seunghyun shook his head. "No, Youngbae, it's not like that—"

"How is it then?" Youngbae yelled. "Don't I deserve to know a minimum of what's going on with my best friend's health?" he said, gripping Seunghyun's by the lapel of his jacket and shaking him angrily.

"STOP!" a voice unexpectedly cried out. "Youngbae, let him go! Don't hurt him! Youngbae, please!"

Youngbae felt small, trembling hands on his and he suddenly realized what he was doing. "Shit!" he exclaimed, letting Seunghyun go. He rubbed his face violently and looked at his two friends. Jiyong was gripping Seunghyun tightly, his skinny arms wrapped around his neck, his whole body shaking and wracked with sobs while Seunghyun was running a hand up and down his back, whispering soothingly in his ear.

Youngbae felt like the lowest man on earth. "Seunghyun," he began but was cut off when the taller man shook his head at him.

"It's okay, Youngbae, I understand," he reassured. "Come here," he ordered after a while, disentangling one of his arms from Jiyong and reaching it toward him.

Youngbae nodded mutely and stepped closer to his friends, enveloping them in one strong hug, Jiyong sandwiched between them.

"We should have told you," Seunghyun said after a while. "We can't keep secrets like that from each other. I'm sorry," he said.

Youngbae shook his hand and patted the back of Seunghyun's head. "I understand why you did it, I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have been so harsh."

They heard Jiyong sniff and felt him tighten his arms around them both. "I'm sorry too."

They stayed like that for a long moment, the three of them basking in each other’s presence.

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	23. Personal Responsibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun slammed the door behind them, knowing it won't be enough to quell the yells that were going to start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : graphic domestic violence

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Seunghyun slammed the door behind them, knowing it won't be enough to quell the yells that were going to start.

"What's your fucking problem, Kwon Jiyong?" he snapped at the fuming rapper pacing in the hotel room.

Jiyong turned and glared at him. "You think I'm an idiot, Seunghyun?" he asked, his voice trembling with barely suppressed anger.

Seunghyun glared back and crossed his arms around his chest. "Enlighten me then," he answered.

Jiyong gaped and snapped his mouth shut before taking a step back from his lover. "You're not even aware of doing it, are you?" he asked in a strained voice.

Seunghyun shook his head and lifted his hand in the air angrily. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said in a voice still dripping with fury.

The small man glared at him and turned around, looking at the silent and still night outside the window, only increasing Seunghyun's anger and making him advance on him. "Don't you fucking turn your back on me!" he growled, forcibly gripping Jiyong by the wrist and turning him around in one abrupt swirl.

Jiyong hissed and tried to pry his wrist from Seunghyun's grasp but it was too tight. "You're hurting me!" he yelled and pushed at Seunghyun's chest with his other hand.

Seunghyun didn't let him go and didn't relinquish his grip and instead pushed him against the glass window. "I asked you a question!"

Jiyong winced at the yell and took a deep breath, snapping at Seunghyun. "That fucking slut was over you all night and you didn't even push her away!" 

Seunghyun looked perplexed. "So that's what it is? You're fucking _jealous_?"

Jiyong shook his head incredulously. "Of course I'm jealous, Seunghyun. With her lap-dancing on you it's difficult not to be!" He tried to free his wrist once more. "Now let go of me! You're _hurting_ me!" he demanded.

Seunghyun made a disgusted face and snorted, pushing Jiyong away and taking a step back. "So what if I let her?" he asked, "it's not like it's any of your business! I do what I want!"

Jiyong made a noise between a laugh and a sob and glared at Seunghyun, his eyes full of hurt. "Of course," he whispered "You're pissed out of your head, Seunghyun, maybe you should sleep it off."

The taller man slammed his hand on the table separating them. "Don't tell me what to do, you little piece of shit!"

Jiyong flinched violently and took a step back until his back was flat against the glass panel, eyes bright with unshed tears. "Are you going to hurt me, Seunghyun?" he whispered fearfully.

Seunghyun stared at him in disgust. "Should I?" he asked threateningly.

Jiyong shuddered and wrapped his arms protectively around his middle. "You promised you wouldn't do it again," he whispered, his entire body wrecked with shiver. "You _promised_!" he yelled.

Seunghyun walked briskly in his direction and grabbed him by the arms, shaking him violently. "Promises don't mean shit, you know that, don't you?" he laughed and backhanded Jiyong.

Jiyong curled up on himself and covered his head. "Please! You promised!" he sobbed. "Seunghyun, you promised!"

Seunghyun grabbed him by the hair and shook him violently and kicked him viciously in the stomach. "It's always your damn fault, Jiyong, you always make me do that."

Jiyong screamed when he felt something snap somewhere in his ribcage. "SEUNGHYUN! Please!"

The taller man abruptly stopped and stepped back, breathing hard.

Jiyong panted through his sobs, face drenched in tears and the beginning of fresh bruises marking his pale face.

"Are you going to shut up now?" Seunghyun asked in a mocking voice.

Jiyong moaned and nodded, his hands hiding his face.

"Good," Seunghyun said, standing up and stretching. He glanced around and frowned. "Tidy this mess up," he ordered, grabbing a half empty bottle of whisky that was resting forgotten on the table.

Jiyong nodded once more, not caring if Seunghyun saw it or not and painfully put himself on his knees before using the table as leverage. Shakily standing up, he wiped his bleeding mouth and started to tidy the place, trying to be as silent as he could, repressing his sobs and hiss of pain.

He wondered what excuse he'd give the guys tomorrow. Tripping? Too drunk to walk straight?

He hoped they would start to notice he was running out of explanations very soon and help him before Seunghyun hit too hard or too long.

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	24. Precious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was moments like this Seunghyun lived for.

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It was moments like this Seunghyun lived for.

Those moments that left him grateful to whatever higher power decided that he and Jiyong deserved to make it through everything side by side and be what they are today.

Alive and young, living their dream.

He's _grateful_ , because he had Jiyong to himself, in his arms and no one could touch him, no one could have him like that. No one can take him away and make him as beautiful as he was now.

Shivering with positive energy beneath him, under his hands, letting Seunghyun kiss him like this is all there is. And really, maybe that's true—Seunghyun was pretty sure he didn't need anything but Jiyong ever again. No more music, no more concerts, no more press, no more awards, no designer clothes, no more money. _Nothing but Jiyong_.

Why would he need _anything else_ when he had this?

He bit playfully at Jiyong's lower lip, smiling into the kiss as he murmured soft nonsense against the small man's mouth and his hands traced gently along the naked skin of Jiyong's hips. Those beautiful, pale hips. 

He could tell from Jiyong's impatient squirming that he was more than ready, but Seunghyun had other ideas tonight.

He drew back from the kiss, pressed his lips against Jiyong's throat instead, right at the pulse point, and whispered softly against his skin, nearly choking on all the emotions that swelled in his chest. That Jiyong was here; safe and warm in his arms.

It settled Jiyong.

Tonight, Seunghyun was not up to anything, there was no sneaky plan here. He just wanted _to touch_. Wanted to worship his small lover's perfect skin. Jiyong still had trouble wrapping his mind around the fact that he was the most important thing in Seunghyun's life even after all those years together. That Seunghyun wanted this just as badly as he did. Seunghyun was well acquainted with the familiar flush of embarrassment Jiyong got whenever it came up in conversation.

But Jiyong couldn't hide from him. Couldn't avoid the wordless devotion Seunghyun pressed into his silky skin with his lips, kissing his way along Jiyong's throat, his chest, his stomach like he was made of the most precious material. Seunghyun touched him like something sacred.

He let Seunghyun kiss and caress, trace his tongue along his ribs as they rose and fell in unsteady breaths. He let Seunghyun's mouth tell him with touch what he heard in words every day, writhing under the adoration and gasping as Seunghyun worked his way back up and surrounded in his arms, strong and protective and perfect.

"I love you," Seunghyun whispered, nuzzling at Jiyong's cheek, gently caressing the back of his head.

And for one rare moment, instead of flinching away, of doubting the words, Jiyong gave a shaky smile and answered back, "I love you."

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	25. Quiet Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngbae guiltily slapped the computer screen shut when he heard footsteps approach.

0

Youngbae guiltily slapped the computer screen shut when he heard footsteps approach.

Straightening on the couch, he gulped and tried to look as uninterested as he could as Jiyong walked toward the kitchen, sending him suspicious looks above his shoulder but remaining silent.

Youngbae smiled edgily at his best friend and nodded when Jiyong asked if he also wanted a cup of tea, and they stared at each other intensely, knowing perfectly well that Youngbae hated tea as much as Seunghyun hated when Seungri touched his art.

"Uhm," Jiyong muttered, looking baffled. "Coffee?"

Youngbae chuckled hysterically and nodded violently nearly tearing his head off his neck. "Yeah, yeah, coffee, perfect, coffee, yeah. I like coffe." He took a deep breath trying to calm down and scolded himself for acting like a stupid retard.

Jiyong hummed like he did when he found himself in a particularly strange situation and turned to prepare his tea and a cup of coffee. After a long moment of perfect silence, he came to the couch, silently sat on the coffee table facing Youngbae after handing him his cup and crossed his legs. "Talk," he commanded in his best leader voice. The voice he often used on them when Seunghyun, Youngbae, Seungri and Daesung were particularly _disobedient_.

Who would have thought fifteen years ago that this tiny scrawny bad-tempered spitfire would be the one wearing the pants and keeping them all on their toes on a daily basis?

Youngbae sputtered and nearly choked on his coffee, coughing like an idiot and trying to simply _survive_ all the while aware that Jiyong was staring at him with what could only be described as _pity_.

"Better?" Jiyong asked after Youngbae seemed to have calmed down, still red in the face but not choking anymore.

Youngbae nodded and chuckled nervously. "Yeah, yeah. I'm okay."

Jiyong hummed again, lifting a perfectly plucked eyebrow while sipping his cup of tea and staring at Youngbae like a particularly interesting piece of Chanel clothe.

Youngbae started to squirm nervously, not believing that he was actually _scared_ of Jiyong and his intense dark gaze.

Well no…it was a lie. Actually, _yes_ , he could believe that he was scared. Hell, nobody wanted to piss off that tiny man in front of him (not even Hyunsuk hyung) so it wasn't his fault! And he really didn't want to explain to Seunghyun why his lover was pissed off so early in the morning. 

"Youngbae…"

The warning tone in Jiyong's voice was pretty clear and Youngbae knew that if he didn't start to talk _now_ Jiyong was going to do unthinkable things to make him. So between torture and willingness, he chose to be brave and confess.

"I was—just surfing. On the Internet."

Jiyong blinked slowly and pursed his lips. "So you were looking at porn and you feel guilty about Hyorin?"

Youngbae choked on his spit and looked around the living room of the villa as if Hyorin was about to jump out from under a designer chair. He grimaced and shuddered and jittered and tried to find something that could distract Jiyong's unmovable attention from him. "NO!" he nearly screamed.

When he saw Jiyong's eyes narrow and slant _just so_ he chose another strategy: the truth.

"I mean— _maybe_ , a little bit," he sighed and moaned miserably as he let himself fall on the couch sideways, " _yes_."

Jiyong nodded and continued to stare intensely at Youngbae' face before sipping from his cup. "And?" he asked calmly.

Youngbae froze. "Wh—what?" he asked shakily.

Jiyong's face remained frozen and his eyes eerily unblinking. "Youngbae," he said in _that_ tone that the older man could only associate with their exasperated mothers _and_ Jiyong. "We both know that is not the entire truth."

Youngbae cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair, glaring when he realized they were shaking slightly. "I—I was—it's just porn, nothing else. Just—just porn," he babbled, wishing he was anywhere but here. Wishing he was back in the army and could just shoot himself in the head.

Jiyong gently put his cup down and rested his elbows on his thighs, hands linked under his chin, _staring_.

Later, Youngbae will brag to the guys that he resisted exactly 23 seconds under The Stare…

…before confessing the whole truth with that unbearable feeling of guilt Jiyong managed to make you feel even if you were completely innocent.

"I was looking at gay porn! Something called 'GTOP'," he said punctuating the word with finger brackets, "on some website where fans write slash stories! And it was about you and Seunghyun!" 

Jiyong hummed and nodded slowly. "Oh, I see," he whispered with a small crooked smile on his lips. "Did you wank?"

Youngbae put his hands on his face, fatally mortified and nodded while groaning. "Yeah," he muttered pitifully. "It's just—you know—I don't," he stopped and whined before carrying on, "and I—it's just—well—" he stopped and looked up at Jiyong who was smiling smugly like a proud peacock.

"What website was it?" Jiyong asked after letting Youngbae suffer a while longer.

Youngbae's head jerked up and he glared at Jiyong. "It's not funny, _Jiyong_ ," he snapped.

Jiyong grinned and leaned back on his hands on the coffee table. "Sure it is," he answered while giggling. "You jerked off while reading porn about me and Seunghyun, of course it's funny!"

Youngbae groaned and let himself fall on the floor in liquefied shame, trying to tune out Jiyong's crazy giggles. "Don't tell the guys, please, they'll never let me live that down, especially hyung. It's gonna haunt me 'til I die," he pleaded, not above begging at that point.

Jiyong frowned and looked at him seriously. "It's not that bad, Youngbae. It's not like you cheated on Hyorin or anything. You just—watched something pornographic and had a go with it," he shrugged and smiled reassuringly, "that's it."

Youngbae looked up at him from his lying position and lifted his eyebrow. "You're not going to give me hell for that?"

Jiyong shook his head but suddenly seemed to perk up. "Hey Youngbae? Who was on top in the story?"

And Youngbae's howls of humiliation greeted the three remaining members as they entered the villa.

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	26. Reversal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were definitely not going out tonight, Jiyong thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : past domestic violence

0

They were definitely not going out tonight, Jiyong thought.

He watched Seunghyun sniff and blow his nose and carelessly throw the used tissue on the floor.

"Sorry, baby," Seunghyun lamented from his nest of comforters.

Jiyong giggled softly and crawled on top of the covers, lying down next to Seunghyun and peeking at him from under his mop of too-long black hair. "It's okay, Hyunni," he cooed and gently stroked Seunghyun's forehead. It wasn't warm with fever anymore, but Seunghyun was still tired and congested. "It must be that bug Seungri’s given everyone, don't you think?" he muttered, more to himself than to Seunghyun.

The taller man chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah," he said and then sneezed, turning his head away from Jiyong's face. Grabbing a fresh tissue from the box on the nightstand he blew his nose and groaned. "God, I'm gonna kill him!"

Jiyong laughed and leaned over Seunghyun. "D'you want soup? Your mom brought some!" he cried out excitingly, his body practically vibrating with the prospect of reheating a bowl of soup as if it was the greatest and funniest thing to do.

Seunghyun chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess you cou—" he began but couldn't finish as Jiyong was already bouncing toward the kitchen. Laughing again, Seunghyun leaned back on the cushions that Jiyong had gently placed there and crossed his arms behind his head.

They were supposed to go out tonight. They had made reservations in a posh and really expensive restaurant; the kind where you had to wait six months to go. They loved to indulge like that once in a while. They always found it fun to go in those kinds of restaurant where a string of noodle cost the price of a YSL bag.

Youngbae often told them it was a waste of money because they both didn't know how to appreciate good cooked food.

Seunghyun was suddenly jerked out of his thoughts by the return of Jiyong. He was holding a tray in his hands with a steaming bowl of soup on it and a piece of buttered toast on a small plate. "Voilà!" he happily exclaimed. He carefully climbed on his side of the bed and placed the tray on Seunghyun's lap. "Mama Choi's famous soup with buttered toast!"

Seunghyun leaned on the side to kiss him gently on the lips in thanks but frowned when Jiyong turned his head and made Seunghyun kiss him on the cheek. "Germs, Seunghyun," he justified with a giggle at Seunghyun's falsely crushed expression. "Come on, eat! It's hot!"

Seunghyun sighed miserably at being denied and grabbed the spoon. "I'm a battered spouse," he whined jokingly.

Jiyong glared and pursed his lips, turning his head away. "Don't joke about that," he snapped.

Seunghyun winced at Jiyong's harsh tone and nodded. Feeling stupid for the comment, he reached a hand to gently caress his lover's cheek with a knuckle. "Sorry," he apologized quietly.

Jiyong nodded wordlessly and fiddled with the duvet covering Seunghyun while the taller man silently sipped his soup. He finished it quickly with the toast and placed the tray on the nightstand, leaning back in the bed and gathering Jiyong in his arms. "Sorry, love, I'm normally better with words."

Jiyong curled up on Seunghyun's side and rested a hand on his chest, his other protectively held between their bodies. "You ever wonder what you'll do to him if you ever saw him?" Jiyong asked meekly after a long silent moment.

Seunghyun tensed in his arms and rested his head on the top of Jiyong's head. "I'll cut his dick," he answered simply. He felt Jiyong nod under his chin and ran a soothing hand along the small, narrow back.

"Sorry, Seunghyun," Jiyong apologized after a while.

Seunghyun frowned down at him. "Why?" he asked in a surprisingly steady voice.

Jiyong swallowed and fisted his hands in Seunghyun's shirt. "It was supposed to be about you for once. I guess I'm bad at taking care of you," he admitted in a dejected voice.

Seunghyun hugged him tightly. "You take care of me all the time, baby," he breathed, not liking the turn that their already horrible conversation had taken. He forced Jiyong to face him when he felt him shake his head. " _All_ the time, Ji," he repeated vehemently, "when we're on tour you're the one making sure we all eat enough, or sleep enough, or that we're not sad."

Jiyong nodded and looked away, not able to look into Seunghyun's honest and slightly desperate dark eyes.

"It's a two-way job, baby," Seunghyun added after he had wrapped his arms around his lover. "You take care of me, _I_ take care of you," he said. "It's not a competition. It's just the way things are."

Hugging Seunghyun with all his might, Jiyong pressed a soft kiss to his neck and tenderly rubbed his cheek against Seunghyun's. "I love you."

Seunghyun smiled and hugged Jiyong closer. "I love you too."

0


	27. Russian Roulette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong glared at Seunghyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : extremely graphic sexual assault

0

Jiyong glared at Seunghyun.

They were supposed to spend the rest of the evening together curled up on the couch in front of a movie after they had just celebrated Daesung's birthday, but the situation was quite different.

"You're being stupid," Jiyong snapped.

"I am not being stupid," Seunghyun hissed in anger. "I'm far from it and I damn well know what I saw!"

Jiyong ran frustrated hands through his already disheveled hair. "What you _saw_?" he repeated incredulously. "You saw nothing, Seunghyun, _nothing_ , because nothing happened. I'm not…I don't even know why we're having this conversation!" he cried out in frustration.

Seunghyun yelled and threw the lamp—the nearest thing to him—on the floor. Jiyong flinched violently and took a step back. "Seunghyun," he whispered in agitation, "Seunghyun, you have to listen to me. Nothing happened. We were just talking and—"

"He was all over you! That fucking asshole was touching you!" he growled through clenched teeth. 

Jiyong shook his head. "Seunghyun, is it—is it just jealousy? You don't have to feel threatened. That guy had too much to drink and yeah, he was all over me, but there is nothing between us! I don't—I don't even know him, Seunghyun!" he pleaded.

Seunghyun walked briskly in Jiyong's direction and glared at him. "I saw how you looked at him, Jiyong, don't deny it!"

The smaller man was shaking his head frantically. "No, no, no, no! Seunghyun you got it wrong! Look—Seunghyun, maybe, maybe we drank a bit too much and we're not in a good enough state to have this conversation," Jiyong tried to reason. 

At those words Seunghyun snapped and made to grab Jiyong, ignoring his cry of pain when he tightened his hand on his left wrist. Jiyong tried to get away, weakly pushing at Seunghyun's chest in a feeble attempt to get away but Seunghyun was stronger.

"Let me go!" Jiyong yelled in panic. "Seunghyun! Let me go, you're hurting me! Please, Seunghyun, you're scaring me!" he begged as Seunghyun slammed him violently to the floor.

Jiyong was shaking all over, his body quaking in terror and his eyes drowned by his tears as he felt blood in his mouth. He tried to kick Seunghyun off him with his legs but Seunghyun grabbed his thin and fragile wrists in one hand and blocked them above Jiyong's head, and kicked Jiyong's legs apart with his knee and ripped Jiyong's pants and underwear.

"You're fucking mine, you hear?!" he screamed angrily, reaching down to unfasten his own pants. Spitting in his hand, he quickly wetted his member and pushed Jiyong's legs even further apart, ignoring the panicked whimper and sob coming from his lover. "I'll make you mine! You fucking slut," he roared as he thrust inside Jiyong in one violent movement.

The preparation was nearly nonexistent and they both felt the rush of blood coming from Jiyong as his started to pound into him without care of Jiyong's shrieks and sobs of agony.

Jiyong weakly tried to free his wrists but it only angered Seunghyun even more as the pounding intensified to bruising force, the pain so great he blacked out for a second or two.

When he managed to reopen his eyes, he realized it was still not finished. He turned his head to the side and stared blankly at the clock on the wall.

They were going to watch an American black and white comedy. They had recently gone into a frenzy of watching every old movie possible now that their schedules were lighter.

He blinked when he felt Seunghyun quicken the ponding of his hips, becoming frantic and disordered. Then after a loud grunt, Seunghyun finally froze and Jiyong felt his hot semen fill him up.

He breathed harshly against Jiyong neck before he retreated. Jiyong whimpered at the horrible sensation of being ripped from the inside and quickly rolled and backed away from Seunghyun when the man released his bruised and swollen wrists.

He sobbed as he pulled his pants and underwear haphazardly, nearly throwing up at the amount of blood and semen still dripping between his thighs and crawled away from his lover on the tainted wooden floor. He didn't stop until he was curled up against the wall underneath the dining table.

The room was silent for a long moment except for the sound of Jiyong's panicked cries that he didn't manage to hide behind the hands he was biting violently and Seunghyun's rough panting.

"You—you hurt me," Jiyong sobbed desperately, tugging at his hair violently.

"I know," Seunghyun answered expressionlessly, buttoning his pants and staring at the blood on the floor.

Jiyong winced when he moved and hesitantly crawled to Seunghyun and weakly sat on his lap, trembling hands reaching to grasp Seunghyun's shirt frantically. He flinched violently when Seunghyun wrapped his arms around him and remained tensed while Seunghyun gently ran his hand up and down his back, the other cradling the back of Jiyong's head.

"I'm gonna take you to the hospital," Seunghyun muttered into Jiyong's hair, kissing the top of his head.

Jiyong blinked in confusion. "No—I—I'm okay," he whispered, shaking his head.

Seunghyun tightened his arms around him. "You're still bleeding."

Jiyong didn't say anything and let Seunghyun help him up and gently push him to the door.

He wished Seunghyun didn't have those violent episodes when he drank.

Then maybe he'd know what it was like to feel safe…

…and feel something else than horror at the unhealthy caring Seunghyun showed after.

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	28. Satisfaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be simple: Jiyong loved sex.

0

To be simple: Jiyong loved sex.

But more than that, he _thrived_ being bottom. Even begged for it.

At first it had surprised Seunghyun because Jiyong was a control freak.

The first time he had slept with Jiyong, they hadn't known what to do.

They'd fumbled, made a lot of uneasy mistakes. It had been shaky and painful, with too much lust, want and need, tinted with embarrassment and not enough experience. And also, the fear of being found out at doing it in Seunghyun's bed while his parents slept in the room next to them.

They had discussed it for while, deciding together that after eight months of dating and kissing and snogging together they should take their relationship to another level of intimacy and have sex.

It hadn't been easy and Seunghyun had to confess, if not with embarrassment then with shame, that he had made Jiyong drink (and nearly got him drunk) before they could even begin to think about the idea of sleeping together. Jiyong had been dreadfully shy and even passive at first.

Seunghyun knew hewas terrified, hell, he himself had been unable to stop shaking.

Not about sleeping with Jiyong but about the fact that it was Jiyong's first time, that it was _him_ , Seunghyun that was going to take his virginity forever and that it would be the first sexual experience his lover would ever experience, and possibly be the most important.

It was going to be the one that would shape all of his next sexual intercourses with or without him.

So, once Jiyong was mellow and easy to manhandle and frighteningly pliable, Seunghyun laid him on the bed and began to touch him. One thing led to another, and he was inside Jiyong and the small teen was making the most beautiful noises Seunghyun had ever heard.

And even today, nearly ten years later, still together and as strong as ever, Jiyong was always bottoming.

Seunghyun liked their arrangement.

They had tried to shift position _once_ and it hadn't gone well. At all.

Seunghyun managed to have an orgasm (one that was so weak it _barely_ registered) but Jiyong had stayed frozen and unsatisfied. Even Seunghyun jerking him off after for what had seemed to be _hours_ hadn't done anything to relieve him.

They had arrived late for practice and the guys, bless them, hadn't said anything when they saw the state Jiyong had been in, pissed beyond belief at Seunghyun for even suggesting they changed position and probably suffering from the worst case of blue-balls a man could suffer.

That day, and during the entire practice and every time they had a small break, Jiyong had either sang or played _Satisfaction_ by the Rolling Stones on his phone while glaring at Seunghyun. 

His mum always told him ' _small man, big rage_ '.

How right she was, that woman.

Jiyong could be a vicious vindictive bastard.

And that nasty little thing refused to have sex with him for two days after that…

Until Seunghyun couldn't stand it anymore and grabbed Jiyong by the waist, dragged him to their room and proceeded to fuck him through the mattress and make him _scream and scream in pleasure_.

0


	29. Gentle Fingers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Seunghyun slept with Jiyong it didn't happen.

0

The first time Seunghyun slept with Jiyong it didn't happen.

Actually, it was much later that he noticed it.

Now, he knew how it worked. Jiyong had to feel extremely safe, sick or exhausted beyond measure to do it. They had been in a relationship three years before Jiyong felt secure enough, but even so, it wasn't every night.

In the dorms during the earlier days, on the road, traveling country from country, even when they were hidden from the world behind the curtain of their luxurious hotel rooms, he didn't do it; _'couldn't'_ might be more accurate.

Seunghyun now knew he had wanted to, but Jiyong never dared do it with Youngbae, and later, Daesung and Seungri so close to him.

Sometimes, Seunghyun wanted to tell him to stop being so self-conscious, especially around him, and just do it, because they were possibly the only times Jiyong slept peacefully and deep enough that he didn't wake every hour of the night to fight against insomnia or the words begging to be written down.

But Seunghyun understood.

He didn't know if it was shame or something else that held Jiyong back, but sometimes Seunghyun couldn't help but feel slightly hurt that his _husband_ didn't trust him enough not to mock or ridicule him.

Seunghyun blinked out of his thoughts and looked down at his lover curled up against his side, his hands linked together like he was praying and his mouth sucking desperately on the two first fingers of his left hand.

Seunghyun had always wondered why Jiyong didn't just suck his thumb instead of just his index and middle fingers but he had never found the right time to ask.

It simply wasn't something they talked about. It was just there and it just happened. It didn't bother Seunghyun and he didn't know why he would give Jiyong any grief about it. If it could comfort him, he was all for it. Of course, as long as it didn't come between them, and Jiyong still needed _his_ presence.

Suddenly thinking about something, Seunghyun gently shifted under Jiyong so he could lay the small man on the mattress instead of Seunghyun's chest and popped himself on an elbow as leverage, gently taking Jiyong's hand away from his mouth and quickly replacing it with his own.

He stared mesmerized and felt enthralled at the feeling of Jiyong's mouth starting to suck on his fingers. It didn't feel sexual, _granted_ Jiyong was a good sucker in _that_ sense, but here, in the silence of their bedroom, warmly cuddled one against the other, Seunghyun could only be filled with a strong and powerful sense of love and warmth.

He leaned over and kissed Jiyong's thin cheek, gathering him close to him while his hand was still pressed between Jiyong's lips.

It was probably what Seunghyun's mother always called unconditional love.

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	30. Solved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngbae was not the kind of man to snoop around in his friends' possessions.

0

Youngbae was not the kind of man to snoop around in his friends' possessions.

Well…it wasn't entirely true. Living in dorms with four other guys for years made the true owner of an item tend to blend and blur until it became public propriety.

It was still incredibly rude and his mama raised him better.

But…

When you're sitting alone backstage waiting to have your make-up done, time could be never-ending and deadly _boring_. And if one of your best friend's mobile suddenly beeps and said mobile was innocently resting right in front of you on the dresser where he left it when he went to the bathroom…

Well, Youngbae had to admit it was damn tempting.

And…really, it couldn't hurt to take a quick look, could it? And everyone knew Seunghyun didn't lock it with passwords because he couldn't bother to lose three seconds to access his phone, and what idiot didn't turn off the function allowing you to read messages on the locked screen?

Reaching out a hesitant hand and casting paranoid glances at the bathroom's door and around the room, the singer grabbed the iPhone and pressed the side button and looked at the screen where the message was waiting.

Apparently it was from an unknown number. But it was short and the content of the message froze him to the bones.

_Seunghyun, meet me at the hotel tonight. Same room, same time. Love you. Kay._

Youngbae licked his lips, his hands shaking and startled when he heard the toilet flush and the running water of the tap. He threw the phone down just as the door opened, and looked up to stare at Seunghyun.

The tall man was wiping his hands on his pants and smiled at him when he saw his stare. "Hey, man, is everything okay?"

Youngbae swallowed and shifted uncomfortably on his chair. "Yes," he answered curtly as he stood. "Your phone beeped."

Seunghyun looked at him strangely but walked to the dresser and smiled softly when he read the message.

Youngbae felt anger and betrayal burn in his guts and he tightened his fists. "Where's Jiyong?" he asked more curtly than he meant to.

Seunghyun frowned at his tone but shook his head. "They're back on stage with Seungri. I think Daesung wanted to go over some choreography and wanted Jiyong's advice."

Youngbae nodded, only half interested. "Any plans tonight? Maybe we should all go out for dinner?"

The taller man shook his head with a small smile. "I can't tonight. I've got plans."

Youngbae narrowed his eyes. "Okay," he snapped and walked out the room, slamming the door behind himself.

Of all the people he knew, Seunghyun was the last he would have pegged as a cheater. Especially with Jiyong. The two of them had been an item since their trainings days and Youngbae knew that Jiyong loved Seunghyun too damn much, and he sometimes thought such endless love was unhealthy and Jiyong will _die_ when he learnt the truth.

They just clicked together, their love so evident and beautiful, and even if Seunghyun was less exuberant with his love, calmer somehow, it was also very evident that he adored and cherished Jiyong to death. No question asked.

Until now.

Youngbae ran a frustrated hand through his short hair and angrily kicked an equipment box lying around the corridor. Should he tell Jiyong? Should he follow Seunghyun and stop him?

What should he do?

Grabbing his cell phone, he dialed number of the only person he knew would give him a solution.

" _Honey?_ "

"Hey, Hyorin," Youngbae sighed, "I've got a problem…"

Hyorin gasped. "Are you okay?" she asked, slight panic tinting her voice.

"Yes! Yes, don't worry about me. I just—listen. I think…I think Seunghyun's cheating on Jiyong," he sighed with in an angry hiss.

Hyorin groaned. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, love _,_ " she ordered sharply. "Why would you say that? Seunghyun would never, _ever_ hurt Jiyong like that. He'd rip one of his own balls before doing that to him _._ "

Youngbae grimaced but closed his eyes. "Yeah I know but I—" he sighed and took a deep breath. "Look, his phone beeped. He was in the bathroom and you know, that damn thing was lying around and—"

"You read the message."

Youngbae nodded but realized that Hyorin couldn't see him. "Yes. It was—it was for a meeting, Hyorin, in a hotel. _Same room, same time_ , meaning it happened before. And it was signed 'Kay'."

Hyorin hummed. " _Kay_ , Kay…do we know any Kay?"

Youngbae scoffed. "No! We've never met any girl named Kay!"

Hyorin sighed. "Look, Youngbae. It could all be a big misunderstanding. So…before confronting Seunghyun, I want you to be _certain_. And before you _are_ 100% sure, do.not.tell.Jiyong!"

Youngbae bit his lip. "So what do I do? I follow Seunghyun like some pisspot Private Detective?" he asked.

Hyorin chuckled but quickly sobered up. "Yes," she answered. "You have to be sure. And if—if it's true, confront Seunghyun. Maybe—maybe it's not what it seems. I refuse to believe he'd do that to Jiyong _._ "

Youngbae sighed. "Yeah. Me too. Look, I gotta go now. Thanks, honey. I love you."

Hyorin cooed. "I love you too, honey. Tell Jiyong I love him too. And kick Seunghyun in the nuts if it's all true _._ "

Youngbae unconsciously grabbed his privates with a grimace. "Yeah, I promise. Bye."

He ended the call and took a deep, reinforcing breath. He couldn't believe Seunghyun would do that, but he'd promised a long time ago that he'd do anything to protect Jiyong.

And if it meant protecting him from Seunghyun, then so be it.

0

"Okay, I'm going. Bye guys. Uh—bye, Youngbae."

Youngbae didn't look up from his magazine and didn't answer as Seunghyun said his goodbyes. From the corner of his eyes he could see the man shrug, probably wondering why Youngbae had been a downright jerk with him all day long and during the concert and left the backstage room, closing the door behind him with more force than strictly necessary. 

Youngbae waited about twenty seconds before he threw his magazine to the side and ran to the door, ignoring Daesung and Seungri's call and discreetly sliding into the shadows and tailing Seunghyun.

He followed him for about ten minutes until Seunghyun entered a van in the underground parking of the venue and Youngbae swore. "Shit," he muttered and quickly hailed another one, jumping into it. "Follow that van!" he ordered the driver and prayed the man wouldn't post on SNS what an asshole Taeyang was.

The man looked at him in exasperation but complied and started to drive. "Not so close!" Youngbae whispered-hissed as if talking quietly would prevent Seunghyun from hearing him.

They drove for about fifteen minutes until the first van stopped in front of the hotel they had left that morning for the show. Youngbae watched Seunghyun exchange a few words with the driver for a few seconds and mulled over the best plan of action. "Okay, park a bit further away," he ordered and distractedly threw his beanie and glasses on, jerked the door open and jumped out of the vehicle to run to the hotel.

He arrived panting and cursing his tired body from the show, and walked to the bar with his head lowered, guessing that if Seunghyun was to meet some girl they would start with a drink. He walked as close to the walls as possible, hoping he wouldn't be recognized, and froze when he saw Seunghyun sitting at the bar next to a tall blonde botoxed woman laughing like a vapid hyena at something Seunghyun had just said.

Youngbae felt fucking _betrayed_.

He couldn't accept that this kind of woman was Seunghyun's type. And truly, Youngbae didn't even know Seunghyun _had_ a type of woman. Sure, the man had fooled around with some girls at school but after getting with Jiyong he'd always had eyes for the small man and no one else.

And if Youngbae had to speculate he would have thought Seunghyun's type of woman was more on the small side, creative, soft skin, a full head…and with hazel eyes. Some kind of female version of Jiyong.

It was actually too weird to imagine Seunghyun without Jiyong.

He tensed when he saw the woman tilt toward Seunghyun with a hand on his arm to whisper something in his ear, making Seunghyun throw his head back and laugh loudly. The gesture seemed intimate and well-practiced and Youngbae felt sick.

He stayed in the shadows for a while until Seunghyun stood and whispered something in the woman's ear, making her giggle and blush. Youngbae readied himself and followed Seunghyun, guessing he had asked the woman to join him in a room later.

He followed Seunghyun down the halls and glared as the man entered the elevator. After the door closed, Youngbae stopped in front of the elevator and watched the numbers until he saw the lift stop at the twelfth floor. Not losing a second, Youngbae ran to the stairs and went up the stairs quickly.

He came to the twelfth floor, panting and gasping for air before straightening up and walking briefly up the long hallway of doors. Obviously, his work as a Private Detective was quite bad because now that he was there, he didn't know what room was Seunghyun's.

Sighing in annoyance at his own shortcomings, Youngbae froze when he heard the elevator make a small ping and immediately flattened himself behind the pillar. He gulped when he heard the sound of shoes against the marble floor and waited silently, not daring to breath and whishing he could see who it was.

He heard a knock on a door, followed by a voice that he recognized instantly. "Hey, honey," Seunghyun purred.

Youngbae gritted his teeth and raged as the implications of what was happening really drowned on him. If Seunghyun was caught with a bimbo in bed, his reputation was going to be burnt to the fucking ground. But worse, Jiyong was going to be overtly humiliated and publically by Medias and Netz just because he wouldn't have been 'enough for the great TOP'. The backlash was going to be relentless and he was sure all the blame would be put on his best friend's shoulder.

Shit, now that his suspicions had been confirmed, he just didn't know what to do.

A dull thud made him jump and immediately nauseous. It could only be the sound of two bodies hitting the door of the hotel room. Fuming in toward the woman and Seunghyun, he walked briskly to the door and stuck his ear to it. He could only hear vague sounds and guessed they had both retreated to the bed.

Growling in fury, he hit his fists and foot against the door with no care about the noise and possible scandal and waited impatiently, his fists tightened at his sides and his knuckles white with the sheer restrain he exercised to not simply smash the door down.

Several seconds later, the door opened to reveal a disheveled Seunghyun looking at Youngbae with shocked eyes, shirt wide open and pants unbuttoned. "What the fuck are you doing here, Youngbae? I thought you were going out with Daesung and Seungri?"

Youngbae sneered. "Pretty convenient, isn't it, _hyung_?" he asked in disgust. "I followed you here, you fucking cheating bastard," he snapped as he pushed passed Seunghyun into the room to look around in anger. "Where the fuck is she?" he yelled at the taller man. "How could you do that to Ji, huh?"

Seunghyun blinked at him and shook his head. "Youngbae, what the fuck are you—"

Youngbae's face darkened with greater fury. "I know, okay? I fucking know! I read the text. So where is she? How long have you been fucking around behind Jiyong's back?!"

Seunghyun's face took on a darker one. "Listen, Youngbae. I don't know what the fuck you're doing here, but—"

Youngbae walked to Seunghyun in quick strides and grabbed him by the shirt. "You fucking asshole, how can you do that to him? I fucking swear I'll break every bone in your body if you don't come clean with Jiyong right the fuck now, you hear?!"

Seunghyun opened his mouth to say something but before he could, Youngbae had already punched him square in the face. Seunghyun yelped at the unexpected hit and stumbled back until he staggered to the bed, looking at Youngbae with incredulous eyes. "What the fuck?! You hit me you moron!" he yelled.

Youngbae took another step in his direction to hit him once more before a voice froze him. "Youngbae!"

The singer turned around and gasped at the person standing in the threshold of the bathroom. "Jiyong?!" he breathed.

The small man ran a trembling hand through his hair and quickly buttoned his shirt half-way over his boxer clad legs before running to Seunghyun with a worried look. "Why did you hit him?" he asked furiously at Youngbae still standing there and gaping like an idiot.

Jiyong sat on the couch next to Seunghyun, curling his legs under his butt and pressed one of his sleeves against the cut on Seunghyun's lips. "Seunghyun?" he whispered, his eyes shining in concern. Seunghyun smiled reassuringly but winced as it pulled on his injured mouth.

"I'm okay, baby," he reassured. "You're gonna get blood on your shirt," he said mournfully.

Jiyong looked down at his blue shirt and shrugged at the spots of blood smeared on it. "Doesn't matter," he shook his head.

Seunghyun reached out a hand and caressed Jiyong's cheek with the back of his fingers and turned to glare at Youngbae. "What the hell are you doing here, you stupid bastard? And what the hell were you talking about?"

Youngbae blushed and ran his hands through his short hair. "Look, man, I'm so sorry. I thought—" he stopped and gulped. "Look, I—this morning, I read a text on your phone."

Seunghyun blinked blankly before it finally drew on him. "Oh god, you read ' _Kay_ ' and you thought I was fucking around with some girl…shit," he groaned and let himself fall down on the side bonelessly.

Jiyong gasped in panic and touched Seunghyun's face with his hands. "Seunghyun? Are you okay, love?!" he breathed.

Seunghyun chuckled and looked at Jiyong. "I'm okay, baby. I'm not hurt. Well, not _too_ much," he added afterwards, with a glare in Youngbae's direction.

Youngbae bowed his head in shame and guilt and Seunghyun nearly felt pity for him.

 _Nearly_.

"Youngbae," Seunghyun drawled as he straightened up and sat back, smiling slightly as Jiyong curled up against him tightly and continued his relentless patting to reassure himself of his well-being, "the text—' _Kay_ ', it's actually Jiyong. Sometimes he signs it in his text when he uses someone else's phone," he slowly explained. "It's a stupid joke between us. ' _Kay_ ' is short for _K_ won. You know, like _GD_ is _Ji-Dragon_."

Youngbae staggered to one of the chair, looking pale and faint. "Shit, I'm sorry. I really thought—and then I followed you there and I saw you talking with that blond woman at the bar and—"

Jiyong giggled. "Doona. She's not a woman, Youngbae. She's a—a _trans_. She's a friend from Taiwan and since she was around and it's been so long since we saw her, she doesn't come often here in Seoul. Doona's just a friend and we wanted to introduce her to you guys this time around. She's got a boyfriend!" he added loudly, thrumming in nervous energy. "And she's getting married in two months. And—"

"Baby," Seunghyun gently interrupted with a kiss on the forehead. "I think he gets it."

Jiyong looked skeptically in Youngbae's direction and pursed his lips before nodding. "You really thought Seunghyun was cheating on me?"

Youngbae dipped his head. "Yeah," he muttered.

"And you were ready to confront him and punch him to death to protect me?" he asked in a soft voice.

Youngbae nodded, looking away in slight embarrassment. "Yeah."

Jiyong stood and walked to Youngbae, hugging him tightly. "You're the best," he said. "Well, second best," he amended when Seunghyun cleared his throat.

Jiyong straightened up and smiled sweetly at Youngbae before punching him square in the nose. "And that's for hitting my husband," he growled.

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	31. Children Of Anarchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dami entered the house, it was to be greeted by loud angry yells.

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When Dami entered the house, it was to be greeted by loud angry yells.

Sighing half in anger half in disappointment, she slammed the door behind her and dumped her school bag on the floor, frowning and striding toward the noise, her face a mask of anger. She entered the kitchen to find her parents yelling at each other and slammed her fist against the door. "Would you two knock it off?" she snapped furiously.

Her parents froze mid-screaming and turned to look at her. Her mother grimaced but crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You should say that to your dad, he's the one who—"

Her father glared and pointed an angry finger. "Don't you go throwing the blame in my face, you—"

"HEY!" Dami yelled. "Shut up! Both of you! I don't care what the issue is today, but you have to stop right now!" She suddenly looked around him and felt a heavy weight settled in her stomach. "Did one of you go pick Jiyong up from kindergarten?"

Her parents both paled at the same time and shook their heads in shame. Dami opened her mouth to say something but snapped it shut and angrily left, banging the door of the house and running as fast as she could to her little brother's school, crossing the streets in a blur.

When she arrived, the whistling janitor was closing the gates. Dami walked briskly to him and swallowed fearfully. "Excuse me, have you seen my little brother?" she asked in a shaky voice, "he's five, blue jean jacket, yellow pants, have you seen him?" she pleaded, feeling panic take hold of her body.

The old man shook his head, removing his cap. "Can't say I 'ave, girl, I see so many kids everyday…" he answered apolitically.

Dami took a deep breath to calm herself and looked around hopelessly, trying to find the missing little boy. She spotted the playground across the road and ran to it, praying Jiyong was somewhere near. Night was beginning to fall and in half an hour or less it would be completely dark and harder to find anything in the dark.

Her white trainers sank slightly in the sand when she walked and immediately went to the monkey bars, spotting a small brightly colored shed on the top. Climbing the first bars of the ladder she grabbed the side of the shed to host herself up and reached the small hiding place.

Her heart constricted painfully in her ribcage at the sight. Her little brother was there, curled up on himself, tiny, skinny legs pressed against his chest, small arms surrounding them, trying to protect himself against the cold as best as he could.

"Jiyong?" Dami whispered.

The little boy gasped and flinched violently, turning his head in the voice's direction. Bright, teary eyes met hers and Dami sighed in despair. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," she whispered in a trembling voice. She stretched her arms out towards Jiyong and smiled reassuringly at the hesitant little boy. "Come here, we're going home now."

Jiyong crawled on his hands and knees and securely wrapped his shaking limbs around Dami. He buried his damp face in his sister's neck and sniffed. "I got you, Ji," Dami whispered, running a soothing hand up and down the little brother's back. "I'm here, baby," she soothed when she heard Jiyong sob against her neck, the little boy too exhausted and terrified to do anything more.

Dami slowly began to walk back to the house holding Jiyong close and protectively in her arms while she hummed gently in an attempt to calm the small boy. As she walked, she felt her little brother becoming limper by the minute and quickly understood that Jiyong had fallen asleep in her arms, finally feeling safe and secure.

It had already happened too many times, Dami though angrily. It had to stop, one way or the other. Jiyong couldn't keep thinking he was only an afterthought in their parent's war.

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	32. That's Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong woke with a start and flinched violently when he heard someone yell.

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Jiyong woke with a start and flinched violently when he heard someone yell.

He jerked up and panicked when he realised the scream came from Seunghyun through the opened bathroom door.

He jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom and rushed into the room, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw what was happening.

Seunghyun was standing in front of the sink, looking intensely in the mirror, huge eyes wide and full of terror. 

"Seunghyun, what the fuck?" Jiyong snapped, hugging himself in the cold morning air.

Seunghyun turned in his direction, his stare so intense Jiyong was immediately disturbed. "BBabyells," Seunghyun breathed in a shaky voice, "I have white hair."

Jiyong stood in the threshold, shaking from the cold and gaped at his lover. "And that's why you screamed?" he asked incredulously, his blue eyes furious. "I thought someyou hurt yourself badly!"

Seunghyun shook his head and turned back to the mirror, tugging at his black strands. "You don't seem to understand, baby," he continued miserably. " _I have white hair_!"

Jiyong remained emotionless, horribly upset at being woken in such an awful manner and pursed his lips. "I'm gonna call Youngbae," he muttered angrily.

Half an hour later, Youngbae let himself into his friends’ villa, carrying a tray of plastic cups precariously balanced in his left hand. He took off his shoes and slowly walked up the stairs, following _'the moans and whines'_ as Jiyong had instructed and crossed his friends' bedroom before stopping dead in his tracks in the threshold of the bathroom.

Seunghyun was standing in front of the mirror, his face pale and desperate, while Jiyong was perched on top of the opposite counter sink wearing only a pair of boxers, mismatched socks and an over-large purple hoodie that Youngbae was sure was Daesung's.

"Hey," he said, after clearing his throat and walking toward his curled-up best friend while eyeing Seunghyun suspiciously. He smiled gently at Jiyong, handing him a cup of tea and leaned against the counter next to him after ruffling his hair.

Jiyong sighed and leaned against his best friend, letting his head fall on Youngbae's shoulder while absently sipping his tea. "He's been at it for half an hour now," he muttered sleepily, half-lidded eyes glued to Seunghyun's back.

Youngbae looked down at Jiyong and chuckled. "What is it? You only said to come here when you called."

Jiyong hummed and shifted slightly to lean a bit more against Youngbae. "Yeah," he mumbled. "Our hyung thinks he has white hair. I can't deal with him alone."

Youngbae chuckled again and ran a hand through Jiyong's dishevelled hair. "You still sick?"

Jiyong shrugged sluggishly. "A little bit I think," he answered drowsily.

Youngbae pressed a cool hand against his forehead and nodded slightly. "You're still warm though. Guess that bug was more stubborn than you this time."

Jiyong nodded mutely and blinked in Seunghyun's direction. "I think it's his belated thirties crisis," he murmured.

Youngbae shook his head and laughed quietly. "Three years later?" he asked bemusedly.

Jiyong hummed once more and shrugged weakly. "You know Seunghyun's always done things differently."

They were suddenly interrupted by Seunghyun. "Youngbae, what the hell are you doing here?" he didn't even wait for an answer before turning to look at Jiyong pleadingly. "I have to dye my hair, but I'm not good at it. Can you do it?"

Jiyong glared at him. "No," he snapped.

Seunghyun's face fell. "Baby, why?"

Jiyong turned his head against Youngbae's shoulder and frowned. "You woke me up with your screaming! I got so scared I thought you were dying! And turned out it was just to tell me you’ve got white hair," he snapped. "Well new flash, asshole, you're going to have plenty! You're getting older, that's the way things go. That's life!"

He jumped off the counter and grabbed his half empty cup of tea. "I'm out of here. You’ve pissed me off and I'm still sick and I don't deserve that!" He strode out of the bathroom without a backward glance and they heard him going down the stairs.

Seunghyun looked after Jiyong with confusion plain on his face. "What's with him?" he said in a baffled voice.

Youngbae chuckled and hit him on the shoulder. "You woke him up by screaming. I dare you to be in a good mood after hearing Jiyong scream like that," he snipped, none too gently, "you scared him, you bastard."

Seunghyun pursed his lips, guilt taking over confusion. "Aw, shit," he muttered. "He was already pissed 'cause he was sick, now he's going to be…"

Youngbae chuckled and stood. "That's your problem. Now I'm going home." He patted Seunghyun on the shoulder and smiled smugly at him. "Good luck with the Fury."

He left without a care, perfectly knowing he was leaving his friend in one of the worst situations possible.

Seunghyun had to face the consequences of waking and angering a sick Kwon Jiyong.

Seunghyun always thought Jiyong was all sweet cuddles and kisses but he never dealt with prissy-Jiyong. No, the coward always grovelled at his feet before it could happen and always let others be the ones to say no to Jiyong.

Today was a good start to see what it was to deal with a mad Jiyong. A bit late after twenty years but, well…

He stopped in the entryway to put his shoes on and glanced toward the living room. Jiyong was bundled on one side of the couch, his arms crossed and his lips set in a straight, angry pout. "Bye, Ji-baby," Youngbae said with a wave.

Jiyong turned his head and smiled tiredly at him. "Bye, my Bae," he rasped.

Youngbae winced slightly at his friend's rough voice but nodded. "Don't kill him. It'll be hell to find a new TOP."

Jiyong grimaced and let himself fall on the arm of the couch. "Yeah."

Youngbae chuckled one last time before leaving.

The small rapper sighed and closed his eyes, shifting around until his face was pressed against the cushioned back of the couch and let his body completely tangled inside the thick duvet he had thrown around himself.

He huffed when he heard Seunghyun's footsteps coming in his direction but kept his face hidden under the blankets.

Seunghyun stopped in front of the couch and snorted. "So, you're gonna pout all day, babe?"

Jiyong curled up in a tighter ball and nodded wordlessly.

Seunghyun chuckled and sat on the coffee table. He sneaked a hand under the duvet where he guessed Jiyong's feet were and started to tickle him when he found one. Smiling brightly at the small giggle coming from Jiyong, he slid off the coffee table and knelt on the floor next to Jiyong's hidden head.

"Listen, Ji, I didn't mean to scare you. It was really—um—inconsiderate on my part. Especially because you're still sick," Seunghyun started, leaning over and gently pushing the hem of the duvet down.

He smiled at the pair of tender eyes looking at him under a mop of tousled black hair and leaned forward until he was nearly nose to nose with his lover. "I'm sorry, baby," he murmured truthfully. "I just…panicked."

Jiyong crossed his eyes and shifted to press himself against the cushions and allow Seunghyun to lie next to him before throwing the duvet over them both. Seunghyun hissed at the feeling of Jiyong's freezing legs entwining with his and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

"Your mom once told me your grandad started to go white at twenty five. I think you should count yourself lucky you only have _one_ grey hair," Jiyong muttered against his chest, his voice heavy with sleep. 

Seunghyun winced and ran a hand up and down Jiyong's back. "It's not grey hair, it's _white_ hair. And please, don't tell me _you_ wouldn't panic if I started to go completely white."

When he didn't get an answer, he looked down and smiled lovingly at Jiyong's small sleeping face pressed in the crook of his shoulder and neck. "Aw, sorry, Ji," he whispered and put a hand on Jiyong's forehead to find it still warm.

He gently pecked Jiyong on the lips. "I love you, baby."

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	33. The Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong chuckled hysterically as he washed his hands.

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Jiyong chuckled hysterically as he washed his hands.

The water was ice cold and he couldn't feel them anymore but he didn't care. No, what he cared about was getting rid of the blood on them.

Sometimes, things happened so fast he couldn't even remember.

He wasn't even sure he had finished his Scotch. What a waste. He had wanted that glass of Scotch for weeks. Wasn't it fucked up?

He shook his head and took a deep breath, trying to control the shaking in his body. It was painful and hindering and for weeks now, he'd been clenching his fists more and more in the hope of hidding their trembling.

He wasn't sleeping.

He wasn't… _slipping_ either. He didn't think so. Drugs were just recreational, just to kill time between concerts. And if weed had become powder and little white pills a while ago, well, he wasn't entirely sure why.

He thought finding his best friend— _his lover_ —in bed with one of his other dear friends was a good excuse to try to forget a bit. Seunghyun's face when Jiyong came into their room…and Daesung's face.

Priceless.

If the situation hadn't been so surreal, Jiyong would have probably laughed.

He wasn't the kind to lose it and beat the shit out of them.

He also wasn't the kind to run away and bawl his eyes out, swearing to castrate his cheating ex.

He was the kind to calmly nod and walk away as quietly as he came in.

He'd been suspicious…but he didn't know why. He had been with Seunghyun since they were teens, so why should he even mistrust him? But something had changed and it was different.

Youngbae didn't know. He also found out after Seunghyun confessed one drunken night as he tried to beg Jiyong for forgiveness.

Bastard couldn't even do it sober.

He never thought he'd be in that kind of situation. After all, he and Seunghyun formed the perfect golden couple. And Seunghyun was the greatest lover one could ever dream of. He was caring, sweet and protective and loving.

But…a cheater. Perfection had its limits, it seemed.

"Jiyong…what happened?" Youngbae asked with a soft voice and eyes full of worry.

He turned his head and stared at him, his body swaying where he stood. "I punched a guy," he drawled. " _I think_."

Youngbae licked his lips nervously and took a step in Jiyong's direction, lifting his hand and letting it hover between them as if he didn't know if he should touch him or not. "Are you hurt, Ji?" he asked quietly.

Jiyong grimaced and pressed a hand against his sternum. "Yeah…" he whispered.

Youngbae smiled sadly and gently caressed Jiyong's face. Jiyong blinked lazily and winced at the touch. "Uhm…"

Youngbae grabbed Jiyong's wrist gently and led him slowly to the bathroom of their shared hotel room. "You scratched your cheek. You're bleeding."

Jiyong nodded absently and let Youngbae sit him on the closed toilet while he filled the bathtub with hot water. "Don' r'memb'r," he slurred, suddenly exhausted and feeling the weight of the alcohol and whatever drugs he had taken tilt him toward unconsciousness.

Youngbae helped him strip and after a bit of quiet fumbling Jiyong was sitting in the tub, legs against his chest and chin resting on his knees. He closed his eyes when Youngbae gently poured water from his cupped hand on his head and sighed in pleasure. He felt good, here with nothing to think about apart from Youngbae's gentle hands massaging his scalp with shampoo.

"Ji," Youngbae's soothing voice suddenly jerked him out of his thoughts, "tomorrow, I'm taking you home. You're coming to live with me and Hyorin." Jiyong nodded and didn't try to reply. Youngbae had used his demanding voice, and Jiyong was too smart to talk back.

And quite frankly, he was too tired and empty to think about even tomorrow. They were supposed to go back to Seoul after the last gig of their European tour and there was no way for Jiyong to go back to his and Seunghyun's villa. It hadn't been home for a long while now.

"Meaning the booze and drugs are over, darling."

Jiyong nodded and grabbed his hair, tugging at it painfully. "Yes," he whispered.

Youngbae knelt in front of the bath and smiled lovingly at Jiyong. "It's going to be hard but Hyorin and me…we'll help you. You're not alone. _We love you_."

Jiyong sobbed and rested his drenched head on Youngbae chest. The man didn't seem to care about his shirt and just hugged Jiyong, kissing the side of his head tenderly.

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_Later…_

"This body belongs to me!" Jiyong yelled, hitting his chest with a fist. "To fuck, to hurt, to kill! It's my deal in the end!"

Seunghyun took a step closer and shook his head. "Not like that, baby. Not like that…I—I, please—"

Jiyong chuckled mirthlessly. "Please what? _Please forgive me_? Don't you understand?!" he sobbed and rubbed his face angrily. "You think you have any right over me _now_? To tell me what to do and all this shit about what's good for me and all?"

Seunghyun took a step closer. "I know you, Jiyong," he whispered, tears falling down his cheeks. "And…and what you've become—baby it's not you!" he moaned and sobbed harder. "I did the greatest mistake of my life Jiyong! And I know—I _know_ you'll never forgive me. I just—" Seunghyun shook his head. "I fucking _hope_ all day long! Looking at you destroy yourself and knowing it's me! That I did it! I can't stand it!"

Jiyong shook his head and walked briskly to the door, opening it and waving his hand in agitation. "Too late," he whispered, not looking at Seunghyun. "Get out before Youngbae and Hyorin come back. Get out."

Seunghyun pressed the heel of his hands in his eyes. "Please!"

Jiyong wrapped his arms around his waist and rocked slightly back and forth. "Too late," he repeated. "You did this to me. You hurt me, _killed_ me!" he hissed hysterically. "I don't—there's no issue now. You could have done anything and I would have forgiven you. But not that. You ate my heart."

Seunghyun walked out the door and turned as the door clicked silently.

The door slamming would have given him hope.

Now it just crumbled at his feet.

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	34. The Blitz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong sighed tiredly and angrily pushed his damp hair away from his eyes.

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Jiyong sighed tiredly and angrily pushed his damp hair away from his eyes.

He didn't know what had been going on with his body recently, but he was starting to get downright _pissed_ at it. He felt tired, itchy, cranky and he wasn’t horny (which was very strange in itself), tired, empty and oh, so _exhausted_.

Seunghyun wasn't helping. The bastard was only saying everything was in Jiyong's imagination and that he was just tired.

Well, of course, he _was_ tired.

What didn't he understand? Seunghyun was intelligent, most of the time, but sometimes he was thick…and _stubborn_ , even more so than Jiyong. And right now, Seunghyun was starting to get utterly unbearable.

When Jiyong said he was tired, he meant it and it wasn't just for the sake of speaking and hear his voice. And Seunghyun pressing him forcibly and manhandling him against the door, kissing the living daylights out of him (which was normally a huge turn on) well, today it wasn't making him hard; on the contrary, it unnerved him.

Seunghyun was kissing his neck and Jiyong managed to sneak his hands between them to push on his lover's chest. "Seunghyun, please—" Seunghyun must have thought he was begging for more because he promptly grasped Jiyong's crotch through his tight, red pants.

Jiyong hissed in slight pain and tried once again to push Seunghyun off him. He felt suddenly drained and powerless. He knew Seunghyun would never hurt him, but the simple thought of being that frail and totally helpless under the hands of a man suddenly scared him to death. "Seunghyun, stop!"

Seunghyun froze and stepped back, huge eyes staring at Jiyong incredulously. "Baby, what?" he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly and his cheeks tinted pink with arousal.

Jiyong grimaced and leaned back against the front door of their villa. "I don't feel so good, I—"

Seunghyun suddenly put a hand on his forehead and frowned. "You're burning up," he said.

Jiyong nodded and winced when a sharp pain suddenly pierced his skull. "I’ve got a headache," he whined while closing his eyes.

Seunghyun hummed and wrapped an arm around his waist. "Yeah?" he murmured soothingly, leading Jiyong to the black leather couch.

Jiyong nodded miserably. "I'm sorry, I—"

Seunghyun gently pressed a finger on his lips. "Hey, it's okay. Remember two weeks ago? I was sick too, were you mad at me?"

Jiyong frowned and looked blearily at his lover. "Why should I have been mad?" he rasped, his voice suddenly hoarse and nearly gone.

Seunghyun's frown intensified and he stroked the brunet's cheek gently. "You weren't. So why should I?"

Jiyong let himself fall sideways on the couch. "I can't think, Hyunni. My head hurts too much," he moaned, closing his eyes and pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes.

The taller man chuckled and grabbed the afghan his mother had made for them and draped it over Jiyong. "Well, try to sleep. If you're not better in an hour or so, I'll call our manager and we'll go see a doctor, alright?"

Jiyong whined and buried his face between the couch's back cushions, only his hair picking out of the thick blanket. "I'll be better," he coughed, "don't want to see a doctor, can you imagine poor manager hyung dragging us to the doctor at that time of night?"

Seunghyun caressed his back soothingly through the bright flowery blanket and waited for Jiyong's deep and regular breathing. He stood up and walked quietly to the kitchen, feeling like drinking a cup of coffee. Jiyong must have caught some bug, he was sure it wasn't that serious.

He stretched his neck to catch a glance at Jiyong and smiled when he saw his small lover still curled up and sleeping on the couch. He grabbed his cup and sat on a stool at the kitchen counter, grabbing the pile of mail that had accumulated throughout the weeks they had been absent.

Unfortunately for them, they weren't the best at taking care of all the administrative matters and tended to let hired help do it. He chuckled in remembrance at how it was before they were rich, when they'd just left the dorms and how often they'd received warning letters from either the gas or electricity company after putting off the payment of the bills too long.

Seunghyun will never forget the time when they were having dinner together and the light had suddenly turned off abruptly. They had finished eating surrounded by candles, finding the situation overly funny, but soon their good mood had evaporated when they realized it also meant the central eating was also cut off.

During winter.

He didn't know if it was even legal for companies to cut the heating off during winter but they had to hurriedly abandon their flat and camp at Youngbae and Hyorin's until they could _beg_ mama Choi to take care of the situation.

He guessed that was why they decided to be become rich…among other things.

Seunghyun smiled contentedly when he realized those were mostly fan mails YG and their managers had thoroughly screened.

With a sigh, he opened one and grimaced at the brightly colored paper oozing a horrible flowery perfume and shook his fingers at all the glitter exploding from the envelope and chuckled fondly at the written proposal from a fourteen year old fan boy.

"Seunghyun?"

Seunghyun looked up at the raspy voice and frowned when he saw Jiyong slumped against the armrest. He quickly got up and rushed to his lover, wincing at his pasty white face, damp forehead and sunken eyes.

"I don't feel good, Seunghyun," Jiyong whimpered miserably while scratching his right arm frenetically.

The taller man nodded and grasped Jiyong’s hand to stop the scratching and slowly pushed the sleeve aside. He hissed at the painfully bloody rash and looked up at Jiyong. "Did you touch something?" he asked worriedly.

The small singer was looking at the wound with huge eyes and shook his head mutely. Seeing his lover was not going to answer, Seunghyun gently flicked him under the chin. "Focus, baby," he ordered firmly. "What did you touch? Some poison ivy? Nettles?"

Jiyong seemed to jerk out of his shock at his voice and tore his eyes away from the rash. "Of course, Seunghyun. I love to roll around nettles in the middle of fucking Seoul. _You know_ , just for the fun of it," he said sarcastically.

Seunghyun stared sternly and the smaller man nodded meekly. "Sorry," he muttered, "no, I don't know." He grimaced suddenly and reached the hand Seunghyun wasn't holding to scratch his back. "It just itches, _everywhere_ ," he complained.

Seunghyun tsked and pushed Jiyong's hand to take a look at his back. He lifted his lover's white tee-shirt and grimaced at the other rashes covering the thin back. "Shit," he murmured.

"What?" Jiyong breathed, squirming uncomfortably.

"Don't move!" Seunghyun snapped, not noticing Jiyong's surprised flinch. "We've got to go to the hospital, and _now_."

Jiyong shook his head and turned to face Seunghyun. "What is it?" he asked in a shaking voice.

Seunghyun rubbed his face. "You've got more rashes on your back, I dunno what it is."

Jiyong frowned and let himself be helped up from the couch, following Seunghyun nervously, absently scratching his arms.

"Don't scratch!" Seunghyun yelled, prying Jiyong hands from his arms.

Jiyong jerked away from Seunghyun and glared at him. "Stop _yelling_ at me!" he said with an horribly upset expression.

Seunghyun took a deep breath and nodded. "Sorry, baby. I'm worried, okay? It looks serious. So now, put your coat on and come with me, we don't have time to wait for a manager."

Jiyong pursed his lips and winced when putting his coat made the rashes itch even more. He followed Seunghyun to the car silently, his hands fisted in his coat's pockets, each step more excruciating than the other.

They didn't speak during the drive but Jiyong could feel Seunghyun's eyes on him every once in a while. The small man grimaced every time he felt the obsessive need to scratch but kept his hands fisted in his pockets, his nails digging painfully deep into his palms.

After parking, Seunghyun showed a beanie and a mask over Jiyong's head and face and did the same for himself. They walked briskly into the ER and Seunghyun addressed the nurse behind the counter. "Hi. We need to see a doctor," he said, pleasantly but urgently.

The nurse eyed him suspiciously, assessing him as a potential threat—as if he was a dealer asking for drugs—and smiled coldly. "What is the problem?"

Seunghyun sighed. "My husband has some kind of rash on his back and arms. He's in pain."

The nurse's face softened when she saw Jiyong's pitiful sweaty face, damp eyes and shaking body. She nodded and smiled at him, this time sincerely. "I'll see what I can do. Why don't you take a seat until a doctor can see you?"

Seunghyun nodded and gently guided Jiyong to the row of plastic chairs, sitting as far as possible as a woman with two sickly looking children. Jiyong was sick enough, he didn't need to be exposed to nay more germs. With a sigh, Jiyong slumped against Seunghyun, head on his shoulder. "I wanna go home," he moaned dejectedly. "What if Dispatch learn we're here? Did you call Hyunsuk hyung, he's gonna be so pissed."

Seunghyun ran a hand through the black sweaty strands and hugged Jiyong closer to his side. "Calm down, babe. I know I should have called but those rashes can't be good news. And you're hurting. We needed to come quick. At least the doc's gonna give you some painkillers or something."

Jiyong hummed and absentmindedly scratched his right wrist. He jumped in surprise when Seunghyun pried his hand away and looked sideways at him. "Don't scratch."

Jiyong nodded and shivered. He hoped he wasn't too badly sick. They only had two weeks of break until they had to leave for the Philippines and start touring there. "Is it serious?" he whispered.

Seunghyun kissed the side of his head. "I don't think so. It must be an allergic reaction or something. Don't worry, baby."

They waited about an hour before a nurse came for them. They entered a small examination room and were greeted by a young doctor around their age. "Hello, I'm Doctor Boyd Sangsoo," he said with a slight foreign accent, and by his name Seunghyun understood he might only be half Korea because while his eyes were slanted, his hair seemed naturally brown.

Seunghyun's hackles immediately rose as he saw the white toothy grin directed at Jiyong and the doctor's eyes nearly undressing his oblivious lover. He wouldn't hesitate to duck the guy if he so much as touched Jiyong, scandal be damned.

Except, the guy was the _doctor_. Of course he was going to touch Jiyong. _Shit_.

"What is the problem, Mr…" the tall, athletic doctor looked down at the chart and grinned. " _Kwon Jiyong_."

Jiyong shrugged and started to swing his legs on the examination table and the doctor's smile fell when Jiyong didn't answer and didn't even look in his direction.

Chuckling internally, Seunghyun was happy for Jiyong's slightly haughty behavior, and virtually patted Jiyong's back. _That's it, baby,_ he thought, _show him you're not interested in his stupid flirting and his stupid fluffy hair_.

"He's got rashes on his arms and back," Seunghyun informed.

The doctor's eyes lit up and he turned to Jiyong. "We'll examine that right away. Take your shirt off, please."

_Fuck! Fuckity fuck fuck!_

Seunghyun grimaced and stifled a groan. Now the asshole was going to put his dirty hands _everywhere_ on Jiyong.

"Maybe you should wait outside," the doctor said to Seunghyun with a dainty smile.

Seunghyun frowned and shook his head. "I'd rather stay here," he answered coldly, staring into the doctor's eyes.

"The nurse needs your details," the doctor said.

Seunghyun glared and turned to Jiyong, approaching him and kissing him gently on the forehead. "I won't be long, yeah?" he whispered. "Are you gonna be okay?"

Jiyong sighed and shrugged. "Yeah," he answered after a while. "I just hope it won't be long and we'll be able to go home soon."

Seunghyun glanced above his shoulder and glared at the doctor. "Yeah, me too," he muttered. He ran a hand through Jiyong's hair one last time and exited the examination room quickly, hoping to fill in the forms rapidly and go back to Jiyong before the asshole made a move on his husband. God, since when did doctors not even bother to check their dirty manners? What a slut.

He walked to the counter and smiled at the nurse, her previous bad mood had returned and she handed him the forms and snippily explained what to put in it. He sat back on a plastic chair, quickly send a text to Hyunsuk-hyung and started to write down all the medical and health assurance information he had about Jiyong.

He knew it all by heart and could quickly fill the forms. He glanced at his watch when he put down the last bit of information and stood. He smiled at the nurse as nicely as he could and put the notepad in front of her without a word, walking back in the direction where he left Jiyong. Alone. In a vulnerable state. With a man with obvious intentions.

God, was he stupid or something?

He walked faster and knocked once on the door before opening it swiftly. Jiyong and the doctor looked up, his lover's eyes clearly lighting up and the doctor's darkening.

"Hyunni," Jiyong called, squirming uneasily on the cold table. "He said I have _chicken pox_."

Seunghyun froze and glanced up at the doctor in worry. "Isn't it _serious_ when an adult has it?"

The doctor smiled slightly making him understand that he was the one with the fancy lab coat and diploma while he was just a mere glittery idol. "No, not always," he explained slowly, "although, in Jiyong's case the rashes are particularly aggressive."

Seunghyun nodded, eyes narrowed and walked to Jiyong, wincing at the rashes on his chest he hadn't seen before. "Maybe you caught it from one of the noona's kids?" he asked quietly, running a finger on Jiyong's cheek. He could see spots becoming to appear everywhere on the milky skin.

Jiyong's tired eyes stared skeptically at him and Seunghyun smiled sadly. "Sorry, baby."

Jiyong shrugged and grabbed his shirt. "We won't be able to spend the weekend to Jeju like we wanted."

Seunghyun smiled at him. "It's okay. Don't worry. It's best for you to rest and be ready for the tour."

Jiyong grimaced at him and moaned, leaning over so his head rested against the middle of Seunghyun's chest. "It's humiliating," he whispered.

Seunghyun chuckled. "No baby, it's just a disease like any other."

"It's _gross_ , hyung. I'm gonna be like—spotty all over."

The taller man laughed out loud. "Don't worry. I'll still love you," he reassured. "Remember, _in sickness and in health_?"

Jiyong nodded and lifted his hand to scratch his cheek but Seunghyun intercepted it in a firm grasp. "Don't, you'll scar."

The smaller man nodded once again and they both started when the doctor cleared his throat. "I'm going to prescribe a cream. Apply it to every spot and rash. They must be covered all the time. If the cream fades away, apply it again."

He handed the sheet of paper to Seunghyun without a glance and turned to smile at Jiyong. "Don't scratch. I know it's hard and, judging by the number of rashes, it must be very painful, but do try." He put his hands in his coat pockets. "If you accidentally scratch and bleed, use a humid piece of cloth on it. Warm baths are a good solution if the itches become too much." He smiled at Jiyong. "Don’t hesitate to come back if you need anything."

Jiyong nodded and put his coat back on. They thanked the doctor and Seunghyun wrapped a protective arm around Jiyong's waist before leading him back to the car. They buckled up and Seunghyun drove back to their villa, cursing under his breath all the way.

"He gave me his number," Jiyong said after a while.

Seunghyun turned to glance at him, eyes huge and incredulous. "The bastard! And you waited until we were already half-way home to tell me!"

Jiyong shrugged, unapologetic. "You would have punched him, love, and I'm sure he'll have pressed charge for assault. And the scandal would have been huge and Hyunsuk-hyung would have killed me for being sick in the first place!"

Seunghyun shook his head in disbelief but then smiled. "So you were _protecting_ me?" he teased.

Jiyong glared at him and shifted position until he was sideway on his seat with his back to the door and nodded in embarrassment, rubbing his cheek against the leather of the seat. "I can protect you, Seunghyun."

Seunghyun smiled gently at him. "I know that. And I find it sweet."

Jiyong huffed and slumped even more in his seat. "Why do you say that? You're _hot_ when you protect me, but I'm _sweet_? Why?"

Seunghyun chuckled. "I dunno. It's just that—" he stopped and shrugged. "I dunno."

Jiyong wrinkled his nose. "I know what you think," he said, "you think I'm a joke when I try to protect you. Because I never do it. You're always—"

"HEY!" Seunghyun suddenly cut him mid-rambling. He turned to glare at Jiyong. "You do plenty. We're equal in this relationship. It's not because I take on a more protective side that it makes you—I dunno— _weak_ or a lesser man."

Jiyong pursed his lips but nodded still. He yawned suddenly and felt his eyelids start to droop. "I'm tired."

Seunghyun nodded. "We'll be home soon. Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

Jiyong reached a hand and grasped Seunghyun's hand and squeezed weakly. "I know," he whispered, already half asleep. "I love you, Seunghyun."

Seunghyun brought the thin hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "I love you too, baby."

He turned to look at Jiyong and smiled at the small, sleeping form. He didn't know if the chicken pox was such as bad thing after all. He'd have Jiyong all to himself in the house, no one able to come because of the highly contagious side of the disease.

Fortunately he was immunized.

He remembered having it when he was young and he nearly wanted to slap his six year old self, because if he'd known it would have enabled him to play nurse for a hot and sexy little thing like Jiyong for two weeks maybe he wouldn't have been such a nightmare to his parents.

0


	35. The Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, I met this guy."

0

"So, I met this guy."

Jiyong's eyebrow twitched. "Uh-huh."

"And…I think, I mean, I really, really like him."

Jiyong pressed his lips in a thin, white line, not meeting Seunghyun's eyes. "Really," he muttered.

"And—and he's great, you know. I mean—he's brilliant. Beautiful and I just—click with him."

Jiyong narrowed his eyes and licked his lips, tugging painfully at his hair. "Yeah," he breathed flatly.

"And I think—I mean…I think he's the one, you know? I just feel it in my bones. I know he's perfect for me and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I've never felt like this about anyone else."

Jiyong winced and fumbled with the sheets of music paper he was holding tightly. "That's—that's good," he said weakly.

Seunghyun smiled brightly. "Yeah! I know! He's just so perfect. I can't even find all the words to describe how I feel about him!" he laughed happily.

Jiyong sat dumbly in front of the blank computer of the studio and swallowed painfully. "You—you love him?" he asked in a whisper.

Seunghyun stared at him. "Of course I love him. He's—everything to me! He's all I've ever wished for!"

Jiyong twisted his hands and looked down listlessly on his lap. He wasn't surprised when the tears started to fall.

"I'm gonna propose to him."

Jiyong felt his heart break into billions of pieces. "That's—that's great Seunghyun. I'm—I'm very happy for you," his voice cracked on a sob in the middle of his sentence, even though he tried to reign it in. He wanted to show his support to Seunghyun and act like his best friend and not his…ex-lover.

Because apparently, that was what they were.

Seunghyun was going to propose to a man Jiyong had never seen and didn't even know existed. Surely Seunghyun should have broken things up between them before going after someone else, but Jiyong was going to support Seunghyun in every way he could because he loved him that much.

"Do—do I know him?" he whimpered after a long while.

Seunghyun blinked down at him and frowned when he saw Jiyong's tear stained cheeks. "What is it? Why are you crying?"

Jiyong sobbed and shook his head, bringing his hands to his mouth and biting down on them like he often did when he was particularly anxious. He felt another sob wreck his body and started shivering.

Seunghyun knelt in front of him, his face pale with worry and gathered Jiyong in his arms, frowning at the tension he felt in the small body. "What is it, baby?"

Jiyong wrenched himself out of Seunghyun's grip and wrapped his arms around his stomach as if trying to protect himself. "Nothing," he sobbed. "I just wish you wouldn't say those things to me, p—please," he begged, his eyes drowning in pain and sorrow. "I'm happy for—for you, but—but you're hurting me!"

Seunghyun looked at him in disbelief before something suddenly clicked in his head. He stepped in Jiyong's direction and felt of pang of guilt in his gut when Jiyong flinched away from him. "Jiyong, baby…listen to me. This guy—"

Jiyong shook his head angrily. "NO! No! I don't want to hear about you and him!" he sobbed broken-heartedly. "At least be a man and fucking break up with me before marrying him!" he screamed and tugged at his hair harshly.

Seunghyun stepped closer to Jiyong and tried to take him in his arms again. He was nearly successful but Jiyong angrily pushed against his chest. "Don't touch me!" he screamed, "don't you fucking dare! You bastard!"

Seunghyun shook his head. "Jiyong, I love that man! He's everything I need. I've known him for a very long time. He's _gorgeous_ , fucking brilliant and funny as hell. I love him!"

Jiyong sobbed harder and harder, shaking his head in disbelief and incomprehension, pressing his hands over his ears and angrily sinking his nails into the skin around them. "Shut up! I don't want to hear that! Please! Please!"

Seunghyun stepped closer and caught Jiyong when he fell to the floor in a trembling, crying heap. He grabbed Jiyong's wrists and met no resistance when he pried them away from the small man's head. "I've been in love with him since I met him," he whispered and rocked Jiyong trying to ignore the excruciating wails of pure, unadulterated pain coming from his soul. "He's…"

Jiyong lunged at Seunghyun and weakly hit his chest. "Please, Seunghyun, please. I beg you, please. I love you! I love you!" he cried, his bright eyes frantic and full of panic.

Seunghyun shook his head and wrapped his arms around Jiyong, placing him on his lap and gently rocking his body back and forth. "He's an artist," Seunghyun whispered, his cheek against the top of Jiyong's head. "He's _gifted_. He's sweet. He can do everything he puts his mind to. He's a master when you put a pen in his hands or sit him in front of a blank canvas. He's got the most beautiful hazel eyes I've ever seen. He's bright and very intelligent. He's savvy. He can make the most beautiful music I've ever heard and when he laughs everyone around laughs with him. He can brighten an entire room and he's always been there for me. He's a great friend. A great lover."

Seunghyun stopped and licked his lips, realizing that Jiyong had stopped crying so hard but was still sobbing quietly against his chest, hands fisted in his shirt.

"When he speaks he's got this cute drawl. I think that's because sometimes he can't bother and he's such a lazy troll. He's shy and self-conscious and can be embarrassed easily but he can be very confident at times. He loves his friends more than anything in the world. He's the most organized and neat freak I know and he hates dirty things."

Seunghyun looked down and traced a finger along Jiyong's drenched cheek. "He's got the most perfect fashion sense I've ever seen. And he's so creative it blows my mind. And he's small, you know but…he can be a downright vicious _nag_ sometimes."

He stopped and tightened his arms around Jiyong. "My plan kinda backfired, didn't it?" he muttered still rocking them both of them back and forth. He gently threaded his fingers through his lover's soft hair and sighed. Jiyong made a sound from the crook of his arms and nodded silently. He entangled himself from Seunghyun's arms and sat cross-legged in front of him. "This guy you want to marry. Is he gonna say yes?"

Seunghyun smiled wanly and caressed Jiyong's cheek with the back of his fingers. "I really hope so."

Jiyong eyed Seunghyun sideway and frowned slightly. "And what if—he says no?"

Seunghyun's face fell and looked down. "I guess…I guess I'll have to ask him to forgive me, because I hurt him."

Jiyong licked his lips. "But you didn't want to…" he whispered.

"No! No, baby, I didn't want to hurt him—" Seunghyun stopped and chuckled, shaking his head and put both his hands on Jiyong's face. "I didn't want to hurt _you_. I love you. I wanted to be original…but my proposal was—well, it was stupid now that I think about it."

Jiyong pursed his lips and nodded, rubbing his face tiredly. "So…ask properly now."

Seunghyun blinked at him, his face blank. "What?"

Jiyong nodded again and stood in front of Seunghyun's sitting position on the floor. "Ask," the small man prompted, his eyes still damp.

Seunghyun's eyes lit up and he shifted to kneel in front of Jiyong. He reached inside his pocket and took a small, black jewelry case. "Jiyong," he stopped and took a deep breath, opening the small box. "Kwon Jiyong, will you marry me?"

Jiyong smiled shyly and looked down at the two silver bands inside the box. "Yes, Seunghyun," he answered. His hand was shaking when Seunghyun took it tenderly to slide the ring onto the right finger. Seunghyun stood and let Jiyong put the second ring on his finger.

Seunghyun smiled brightly and wrapped Jiyong in his arms, swirling him around in happiness. "Thank you! I love you so much!"

Jiyong giggled happily and wrapped his arms and legs tightly around his husband-to-be. "Seunghyun, I can't wait to tell everyone! I love you too! So much!"

They both smiled happily at each other and kissed languorously.

It was an unspoken decision taken between them that Seunghyun's failed first attempt at proposal would _never, ever_ be mentioned, _ever, ever_ again.

0


	36. The Feeling Of Losing Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong was in the kitchen drinking water when he heard the sound of glass breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS : semi graphic sexual assault

0

Jiyong was in the kitchen drinking water when he heard the sound of glass breaking.

Then, the screams.

He jerked in fear and was about to run to the living room when he heard Seunghyun yell at him. "Run, Jiyong! Run!"

Jiyong stayed rooted on the spot before running to the kitchen door leading to the garden but was stopped dead in his tracks when he crashed violently against a hard chest. He bounced and fell hard on the wooden floor, his breath leaving his body.

"Oops," a voice chuckled above him, "Kitty's on the floor."

Jiyong grimaced and winced when someone grabbed him by the hair and jerked him up. He stared fearfully at the face wearing a black hood and moved to hit the man but was roughly shaken and thrown against the wall.

He gasped painfully, his entire body exploding in so much pain he didn't even have enough breath to yell.

"No, no, no," the man laughed. "Don't make me hurt you."

Jiyong curled up on himself and cradled his ribs and abdomen. "Who're you?" he hissed through gritted teeth.

The man knelt and grabbed him by the hair once more, backhanding him without a word. Jiyong was so stunned he didn't even realized he was being dragged into the living room until the man threw him on the floor. Whimpering in pain, he curled on himself, coughing harshly.

He flinched when he felt something against his side and his eyes opened wide when he realized it was Seunghyun. He looked up and his eyes widened. Seunghyun was looking at him, eyes full of fear, duct tape over his mouth and his hands tied behind his back.

"Seunghyun," he whispered.

His lover shook his head in a shushing gesture and Jiyong nodded sitting up to lean heavily against Seunghyun's side. He swallowed painfully and blinked back tears at seeing Youngbae and Daesung kneeling on Seunghyun's other side also gagged and bound.

He turned his attention back to the man who had hurt him and saw him speaking with another one. They were both dressed in all black, hoods on their heads and guns in hand. They seemed to be arguing but Jiyong couldn't hear what they were saying.

He pressed closer to Seunghyun and felt him shift on his knees and lean closer to him, turning his head to press his cheek on the top of Jiyong's head.

Jiyong felt his throat tighten painfully as he realized that even in that situation Seunghyun was still trying to be strong for him and protect him. He gripped Seunghyun's shirt and unconsciously started to rock back and forth slowly.

Today they were in this remotely isolated holiday lodge somewhere in Northern South Korea just to escape the stress and harassment of their lives and all the media pressure and demands coming from everywhere.

They decided to take this break when Jiyong fainted two weeks ago and woke up in hospital, coughing blood and with his stomach cramping, waiting to be operated on again because of multiple ulcers. He didn't think being taken hostage by two fanatical armed guys was what the doctor had in mind when he ordered him to rest and stay as stress-free as possible.

Jiyong rubbed his cheek against Seunghyun's arm and flinched automatically when the two men came striding back toward them.

The tallest man—the one from the kitchen—walked to Youngbae and ripped the duct tape from his mouth violently. "Where's the money?" he asked harshly.

Youngbae shook his head. "What money?" he asked, "we don't—" he was cut off when the gunman pointed his gun at Daesung.

"I'm not gonna repeat myself!" he yelled.

Youngbae shook his head in panic. "I don't know! We don't have money!" he yelled back, eyes full of fear and anger. "We've got some designer clothes, maybe some jewelry! But we don't have any cash!"

The man straightened up and started pacing, his accomplice cursing and muttering from the corner. "What are we gonna do?" he asked and they all could hear the alarm and agitation in his voice.

"Shut up!" the leader snapped. "Let me think!"

The accomplice stepped in his direction, waving his arm holding his gun dangerously. "What are we gonna do?" he yelled again, "they don't have money, we—"

The leader pushed him harshly against the wall and yelled in his face. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He turned back to the small huddled group on the floor and walked briskly in their direction, all the while muttering angrily. "I'm gonna make them talk!" he hissed furiously and grabbed Jiyong by the hair, dragging him on the floor.

Jiyong heard Youngbae yelled his name, Daesung and Seunghyun muffled by the gags as he tried to claw at the gunman's hand when he continued to drag him towards the bedrooms at the back of the lodge. He stopped struggling when he the man hit him to the side of the head with the gun, too weak and dazed to register give further resistance.

He felt himself being pushed on the bed—Youngbae's bed—and blinked hazily at the ceiling, drops of blood clinging to his eyelashes and dripping into his left eye. He turned his head and watched the man put his gun on the wooden dresser next to the door and started taking his heavy coat off, throwing it on the floor.

The man turned his head and chuckled at Jiyong, walking slowly to the bed, sitting next to him, laughing harder when Jiyong flinched away trying to put some distance between them. "Maybe hearing you scream will make them think again," he whispered huskily. "You're pretty, Kitty," he whispered, running a gloved hand down Jiyong's face.

Jiyong jerked away and whimpered. He sobbed when he felt the man's hand run up and down his chest, going lower until it rested between his legs. He shook his head frantically and tried to push the man but his movements were too sluggish from the blow, and far too weak. "We don't've m'ney," he pleaded.

The man was taller and heavier than even Seunghyun, probably around 6 ft 4 and muscled and bulky like a wrestler. Jiyong was no match against him.

He closed his eyes when the man started to unbuckle his belt.

He wanted Seunghyun.

0

It had gone too fast.

They hadn't seen it coming, _couldn't_ have seen it coming. Everything just happened too fast.

One minute they were sitting in the living room about to watch a movie and just relax, Jiyong fetching himself a glass of water in the kitchen and the next, the front door was kicked down by a masked man dressed in black, training a gun on them.

They were quickly tied up by tape just after Seunghyun screamed for Jiyong to run.

Several minutes later, his heart jumped in his throat when a second man dragged Jiyong into the room and threw him on the floor like a fucking ragdoll. Seunghyun could see dark bruises already forming on Jiyong's face and his entire body was shaking with strain.

They couldn't afford for that to happen. Jiyong didn't need that. He was just out of the hospital after undergoing his third surgery of the year because of the ulcers. He needed rest and an environment as stress-free as possible.

Daesung, Youngbae and Seunghyun had decided to take him to the countryside, rent a cabin in the woods and just take care of him. With all the things Jiyong did for them as a leader during the year, they all thought it was time to reverse the role and give Jiyong all the things he gave them, often to the detriment of his own health.

But seeing his small lover being thrown on the floor like that and feel his body press against his, quaking with terror was something Seunghyun couldn't stand. Being so helpless and unable to help Jiyong was his greatest fear. He knelt there, gagged and bound, watching the man hit Youngbae, yell in his face, point a gun at Daesung and drag Jiyong toward the bedroom without being able to do anything; he felt fucking useless.

He glared at the accomplice, shaking all over and tears of rage burning his eyes all the while trying not to picture what that man was doing to Jiyong. He felt sick.

He suddenly screamed behind the duct tape when he heard Jiyong yell in agony, followed by sobs and pleading. Seunghyun shuddered and leaned over, moaning and pressing his forehead on the floor in front of him when he heard Jiyong yell his name and beg him for help. The screaming didn't stop for several minutes and Seunghyun started sobbing, hoping to tune out Jiyong's tormented cries.

The accomplice was looking in the direction of the bedroom, hands on his head in panic and Seunghyun immediately understood that whatever the leader was doing to Jiyong wasn't planned.

Apparently the plan was to make them talk and when the second gunman turned to them with pleading eyes behind his hood, begging them to tell where the money was, all they could do was shake their heads and for Youngbae to plead that they didn't have any.

Seunghyun's head jerked in the direction of the bedroom when he heard a gunshot and screamed Jiyong's name behind his gag, standing but freezing when the accomplice pointed his gun in his direction, his hands trembling madly. "I don't—sit down!" he screamed. The situation was so out of control that Seunghyun could see the panic in the man's eyes.

Seunghyun knelt back down next to a crying Daesung and stifled a sob, rocking back and forth in desperation. Jiyong couldn’t be dead. He couldn't. His lover was alive.

He couldn't be dead.

It was impossible. He couldn't conceive a life without Jiyong. He loved him too much. He wouldn't survive.

Jiyong. Couldn't. Be. Dead. It couldn't be happening.

Seunghyun heard Youngbae and Daesung gasp and looked up and froze. Jiyong was standing on the threshold of the corridor leading to the bedrooms, a gun in his trembling hands, pointing it directly in the man's direction.

Seunghyun shuddered when he saw Jiyong covered in blood, a wound on the side of his face still bleeding sluggishly and the blood running down Jiyong's thighs.

"Don't shoot!" the accomplice pleaded, walking back. "Please! I didn't know! I didn't know he was gonna do that!"

Jiyong was sobbing and shaking his head, tears running down his bruised and blood matted face, but kept the gun trained on the man. "Put your gun on the floor and kick it," Jiyong ordered hoarsely.

The gunman nodded quickly and kicked the gun away from him, straightening and looking at Jiyong pleadingly. "I'm sorry! I didn't know, I swear! I only came for the money, I didn't know he was gonna hurt you! He said—"

"SHUT UP!"

The man nodded and whimpered pathetically.

"Untie them," Jiyong rasped.

The man rushed in their direction and began to untie them with shaking hands and Jiyong still pointing the gun at his back. The man untied Youngbae first and as soon as the singer was free, he hit him so hard he fell unconscious on the floor.

Youngbae watched the man in disbelief and jerked out of his shock when Seunghyun yelled at him from behind the duct tape. He nodded absently and knelt down to untie his friends. Seunghyun didn't wait to stand and walk slowly in Jiyong's direction, conscious that his lover was still holding the gun in his trembling hands.

He looked back at Youngbae and Daesung and seeing them tying the gunman he turned back to look at his lover. "Hey, baby," he whispered. "Give me the gun, okay?"

Jiyong was staring blankly at the empty space where the gunman had been standing, his entire body wracked with sobs and shakes.

Seunghyun swallowed painfully and stepped closer. "Baby, you have to give me the gun; it's over. He's not going to hurt you anymore."

Jiyong's head jerked in his direction, pleading eyes staring at him. "Seunghyun?" he whimpered.

Seunghyun smiled wanly and stepped closer. "It's over, Jiyong; give me the gun," he pleaded quietly.

Jiyong blinked and looked at his hands matted with blood holding the weapon. He took a sharp breath and swayed, as if he suddenly realized what had happened and dropped the gun as if it had burnt. Seunghyun took the last step and wrapped his arms around his lover as Jiyong's legs stopped holding him up. "It's okay, baby, I got you."

He cradled Jiyong in his arms and carried him to the couch, wrapping him in the throw draped over the couch. "Okay, it's okay, you're okay," Seunghyun whispered kissing Jiyong's face again and again, soothing his sobbing lover. "I got you, baby, I love you."

Youngbae knelt in front of the couch and put a gentle hand on Seunghyun's shoulder, the smaller man looking shell-shocked. "Daesung called the police," he said, his voice quivering.

Seunghyun nodded jerkily, rubbing his cheek against the top of Jiyong's hair, ignoring the blood. "It's okay, Jiyong; it's over. Help's coming, baby."

Seunghyun kept rocking his lover and murmuring gentle nothings in his ear.

For the first time in his life, after going through so many painful dramas, he didn't know if they'd be able to overcome this one.

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	37. The Sound Of Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong had an ear ache.

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Jiyong had an ear ache.

It'd been bugging him for days now and even going to see a doctor and getting some eardrops hadn't done anything to ease the pain.

Being on stage was the worst and the earplug was killing him and only increasing the already blazing headache that had been torturing him for a week now.

It was worrying really, because a simple ear infection wouldn't last this long and wouldn't affect his balance so badly. Jiyong had woken up dizzy that morning and if Seunghyun hadn't been there just before going on stage he would have fallen from the lift.

Seunghyun frowned slightly when he saw Jiyong cringe as a particularly shrilled guitar note rang in their earplug and heard Jiyong skip a few words to tear off the devise from his ear and rub at it against his shoulder frenetically.

Seunghyun had rarely wished for a concert to finish soon and when the final note finally dimmed, Jiyong was already rushing off stage after a few polite waves and brittle smile still professional even when in pain.

Seunghyun exchange a quick look with Youngbae and trusted him, Daesung and Seungri to deal with the audience before he rushed after his lover.

He found Jiyong in the changing room curled up on the floor against the far wall, clearly on the verge of losing it. He hadn't been able to eat for days now because of the pain and nausea, hadn't slept either and Seunghyun winced when his lover began to rock back and forth, unconsciously banging his head against the wall.

Seunghyun groaned miserably and hastily rushed to Jiyong, gathering him in his arms to stop him from hurting his head. "Baby," he whispered, trying to sooth the trembling body. "I'm gonna take you to the hospital, yeah?"

Jiyong shook his head and sobbed. "No," he moaned, "please."

"You're hurting, Ji, we have to do something!"

Jiyong wrapped his arms around Seunghyun and buried his face in his stomach. "Please," he sobbed.

Seunghyun helplessly caressed his sweaty hair, trying to think about the best course of action as Jiyong tilted his head side to side, his face still pressed against his stomach and humming against the pain.

As Jiyong's entire body jerked in pain, Seunghyun grabbed his phone. He quickly called the paramedics present around the venue and asked them to come quickly. "You're gonna be okay, Jiyong," he whispered.

Jiyong was unresponsive, slightly rocking in Seunghyun's embrace and gripping his shirt in a tight white-knuckles grip, a strange humming sound still coming from the back of his throat.

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It seemed that hospital waiting rooms were custom in their small world. Daesung's accident, Seungri's accident, various small incident on stage, Jiyong's ankle surgery…they always seemed to end up there in the end.

But never for an illness.

"Maybe it's a very very severe ear infection," Hyorin whispered as she tightened her hands around Seunghyun's.

Seunghyun snorted. "That's what the first doctor said and he gave him stupid eardrops that haven't done shit!"

Youngbae grabbed his shoulder and gently shook him. "Calm down, Seunghyun—"

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Seunghyun snapped, wrenching his shoulder and hands from Youngbae and Hyorin's grasps.

"Hyung!" Daesung snapped from the chair sitting on the opposite. "Lower your fucking _voice_ ," he ordered.

Seunghyun glared murderously at him and crossed his arms. After taking a deep breath, he exhaled softly and started pacing silently.

After about half an hour later, a middle-aged woman came to them. "Are you Kwon Jiyong's family?"

Seunghyun nearly jumped on her and nodded. "Yes, I'm his husband."

The doctor nodded at him. "I'm Dr. Ban Sejung," she introduced herself and glanced down at her chart while everyone stood and formed a half circle around her. "Mr. Kwon was admitted with acute pain in the left ear."

Seunghyun nodded and bit on his nails. "How is he?" he interrupted. He didn't need ten years of studying medicine and stupid Crocs shoes to know Jiyong had acute pain in the left _ear_.

The woman gl anced at him briefly and continued. "We managed to locate the source of the pain. Unfortunately we had to perform an invasive surgery on him."

Seunghyun gritted his teeth. "Surgery?" he snapped, "I didn't give my authorization."

The woman nodded. "You didn't have to."

Seunghyun glared. "What does that mean?"

"It means Mr. Kwon gave us his authorization himself," Dr. Ban explained.

Seunghyun spluttered. "Wha—WHAT?"

The doctor sighed. "We had to be very quick. The infection was already spreading to his other ear and if we hadn't removed the infected eardrum we—"

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Youngbae interrupted before Seunghyun could even think, his face ashen. "What do you mean you _removed the eardrum_?"

Dr. Ban sighed and for the first time her cold face became animated. "We had to remove the infected area and unfortunately it had spread to the eardrum. Mr. Kwon was perfectly lucid and in full possession of his senses when he signed to allow the surgery."

Seunghyun took a deep breath. "Does—is he, what? _Half-deaf_ , now? Did he _know_ the consequences of the surgery? Why didn't he ask _me_ to come?" He exhaled angrily and kicked the nearest plastic chair. "I could have been there for him!"

Dr. Ban nodded at him, her eyes full of understanding. "If it's any consolation to you, I’ve seen this happen many times. The news is so choking and the decision so heavy in consequences that the patient just wants to do it quickly and not dwell on it." She offered a small smile. "Mr. Kwon struck me as the kind to throw himself head first."

They all nodded sadly and Seunghyun rubbed his face, knowing that being mad at Jiyong for doing something _he_ would have probably also done was wasting time and energy. "Do you know what caused the infection? Is there a risk for it to come back in the other one?"

Dr. Ban tilted her head to the side, grimacing slightly. "It could have been triggered by a number of things. A benign ear infection, a slight bleeding in the Eustachian tube or a concussion. Did Mr. Kwon hit his head recently?"

Everyone shook his head and Seunghyun was about to do the same when he closed his eyes and pressed the heel of his hands in his eyes. "Three weeks ago, Jiyong banged the side of his head against a wall," he grimaced, "he just tripped in the kitchen," he muttered.

Youngbae and Daesung grunted in recollection. "But I didn't think it was _that_ hard," Daesung lamented, "He didn't even bruise."

Seunghyun rubbed his eyes and started at the doctor. The woman nodded with a slight tilt of her head. "It _could_ be the cause. But it's probably a series of several factors combined."

Seunghyun closed his eyes again. "Is there anything else? Can I see him now?"

Dr. Ban nodded and was about to leave but Hyorin asked a last question. "Is—Is there any risk, now—I mean for his other ear?"

The doctor shook her head. "The infection is under control, we've put him on antibiotics. He's safe," she said with a small smile and looked up at Seunghyun. "You can see him now, he should be awake. Don't be too loud though."

Seunghyun scoffed before striding to the closed door, leaving the doctor with the others. He opened the door slowly and closed it silently and quietly approached the bed. Jiyong was lying on his right side facing the door, small frame curled up.

Seunghyun smiled sadly and quietly drew the plastic chair next to the bed. When he sat he smiled as the familiar hazel pair of eyes opened and looked at him. "Hey baby," he whispered.

Jiyong winced and shuffled slightly under the sheets, an IV line stuck in the back of his right hand. Seunghyun quietly observed the bandage covering Jiyong's left ear and around his head.

"Sorry, Seunghyun," Jiyong rasped.

Seunghyun reached a hand and gently tugged his lover's unruly black hair as he stood and sat on the edge of the bed. "You stupid, stupid, _bastard_ ," he growled tenderly and wiped the lone tear silently streaming down Jiyong's thin face. "You will never, _ever_ , do that again. You will call _me_ and _never_ take that kind of decision _alone_."

Jiyong grimaced and moved until he his was lying on Seunghyun's thighs. "I don't have any eardrum to spare now," he joked but it was soon followed by a sob, and a small hand weakly grabbing Seunghyun's.

The taller man bent and wrapped his arms around Jiyong. "It'll be okay, love, we'll manage."

Jiyong shook his head. "How am I gonna compose now? And sing?" he asked miserably. "She said my balance will be shot to death. How am I gonna _dance_? And perform?" he sobbed and buried his face in Seunghyun's tights. "Seunghyun," he moaned. "How're you gonna love me now?" 

Seunghyun hugged him and gently rocked him. "Hey, of course I love you. I'll never stop loving you, especially for that. C'mon baby, I love you."

They both stayed in that position for several minutes, or hours, Seunghyun couldn't say, sobbing and soothing each other, kissing and simply touching until Seunghyun gently lay Jiyong down on his pillow and stroked his hair out of his eyes.

"We'll manage, baby."

Jiyong nodded in exhaustion and curled back up on his side, his hand clutched around Seunghyun's. "I guess—" he sniffed and rubbed his cheek against the pillow, "I guess if Beethoven managed to write whole symphonies while he was deaf, then—then I can still manage to write hit songs with only one ear."

Seunghyun barked a laugh at the unexpected musing. "God, baby," he whispered and showered Jiyong's face with small kisses. "You're _one of a kind_."

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	38. To The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holding his lover's hair while he threw up in some random toilet before a concert wasn't what Seunghyun dreamt of when he was a kid.

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Holding his lover's hair while he threw up in some random toilet before a concert wasn't what Seunghyun dreamt of when he was a kid.

He shook his head and absently kissed the side of Jiyong's neck as the small man straighten up after a long bout of vomiting, leaning against Seunghyun's chest seeking comfort.

Seunghyun, Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri, hell, even Jiyong, had all been lulled into a sense of comfort. They had thought that since it hadn't happened in a while now, and that maybe if they ignored it _altogether_ , then it would naturally go away.

But it was wishful thinking, and the defective valve in Jiyong's heart wouldn't listen to the vows of five guys who already had too much.

Sighing and sitting more comfortably so Jiyong could sit in his lap, Seunghyun wrapped his arm around his trembling body.

He had seen the signs. Jiyong had been short of breath about an hour ago, dizzy and he had been _hurting_ and gripping his shirt where his heart was, holding tightly onto Seunghyun's arm as he suddenly couldn't breathe anymore. 

Fortunately, there was just the five of them (even if Seungri hadn't known,) but seeing Jiyong suddenly fall to his knees, panting like breathing had become suddenly impossible had shaken him up. He wasn't used to see Jiyong vulnerable, even if the tiny man's stature was one to fool you.

Seunghyun could understand his reaction. The first time Seunghyun saw Jiyong have one of those attack when they were teenagers, he nearly panicked himself. Now he knew what to look for and how to react.

Jiyong would hurt like hell after and be weakened and the concert wasn't important anymore. Nothing was, except trying to make Jiyong as comfortable as possible and wait for his body to regulate the pain.

He grabbed the bottle of fresh water Youngbae had brought and wordlessly held it to his lover's trembling lips. He smiled slightly when he saw Jiyong gulp at it like he hadn't drunk in weeks and put it back on the floor when he was done.

"I hate it," Jiyong sighed.

Seunghyun gently caressed his hair and rested his cheek against Jiyong's, rocking them slowly. "Me too," he responded.

Jiyong wasn't sick enough to be put on a waiting list for a transplant but he was sick enough to suffer all the pains of an imperfect heart.

Hell, it was as if the doctors wanted him to be sicker before they did something.

"Are you done puking?" Seunghyun asked in a lighter tone, in the hope of diffusing the tension in the bathroom.

Jiyong chuckled weakly and nodded. "Yeah," he whispered tiredly. "Feels like I ran a marathon."

Seunghyun helped him up and leaned him against one of the sinks before flushing the toilet. "Wash your hands, baby," he said after he had washed his.

Jiyong turned stiffly, reminding Seunghyun of an old man, still panting, and washed his hands. It really looked like he had ran for miles. His forehead was drenched in sweat, his face pale and gaunt, his lips and whole body trembling, and all of his usual energy completely sapped out of him.

It was easy to forget Jiyong's weakness and vulnerability when people were used to his bright and dazzling everyday presence. He was a ball of energy and joy most of the time, always moving and just _shining_ and gracing people with his strength but those horrifying attacks were always a sobering reminder of his sickness.

Seunghyun never took Jiyong for granted because he knew that while those attacks were serious and painful, they weren't life threatening. The heart worked. It was flawed but not dead or dying and it wasn't killing Jiyong.

Silently following Jiyong to the backstage area where Daesung, Youngbae and Seungri were waiting worriedly, Seunghyun had to smile at Youngbae's bear hug (strong but tender, always) Daesung's gentle hand on his cheek and Seungri's hesitation. The younger man was looking at Jiyong like he was going to drop dead.

Jiyong smiled at him, small and shaky but with eyes full of concern and love for his friends. Seungri stared intently at him for a moment before deciding that Jiyong wasn't going to _do that again_ and hugged him tightly to his chest. "Don't do that again!" he muttered against his hair.

Jiyong disentangled himself from the embrace and grimaced slightly. "Can't promise that, Seungri. It's—a heart thing I have," he said in a rough voice, probably due to the intense vomiting. "I didn't want you to know…I didn't want you to worry too much about it."

Seungri looked crushed but nodded in reluctant comprehension. They all tended to still see Seungri as the younger kid they had to protect. 

A harassed looking staff member suddenly ran into their backstage area and informed them that they were going on stage in ten minutes.

Seunghyun sighted and rubbed his face carefully, trying to get into the mindset to go on stage. In less than ten minutes they'll be up performing in front of thousands of people, all of whom had no idea of what had occurred five minutes ago. They'll jump and crow and scream and sing along with them and have no clue their favorite singer had just been throwing his guts out in the toilet of the stadium, wishing he had a functioning heart like all of them and praying that it wouldn't get to the point of having to be put on the _list_.

Seunghyun's gut tightened with something other than nervousness when he saw Jiyong grab his mike and struggling with the strings of the earplugs, barely able to stay upright. Youngbae must have seen Seunghyun's devastated face because he silently helped Jiyong, no words exchanged except a silent nod of gratitude.

They stood in front of the small stairs leading to the stage, tensed and ready, adrenaline starting to run through their veins and waited for the signal.

Youngbae was first, then Daesung and Seungri, then Jiyong and finally Seunghyun, closing their small but strong family. His worried eyes were fixed on Jiyong's body, looking for any clue that he wasn't up to performing, but Seunghyun didn't see anything.

Jiyong was in perfect control.

Without thought, Seunghyun shuffled closer and reached for Jiyong and squeezed the small hand. He stared at Jiyong's thin body, suddenly feeling like he could lose him at any moment.

Jiyong seemed to sense his distress and turned fully to step closer, "I'm okay, Seunghyun," he whispered while pressing his cheek against his in a tender and loving way.

They didn't make it a habit to be so overtly close on stage; even married, they preferred to keep their private lives out of sight to fans great displeasure but Hyunsuk-hyung's joy.

" _I'm okay_ ," he repeated, cold lips ghosting over Seunghyun's ever so slightly.

Seunghyun instinctively enveloped Jiyong in his arms and breathed in Jiyong's scent and kissed his temple, left hand fiddling with his black shirt until he could put his fingers on the pale, warm skin of Jiyong's back. He was positively sure hundreds of videos of this intimate moment will spread through SNS tomorrow and that they were bound for one of Hyunsuk-hyung infamous scolding about being so overt and for such blatant lack of decorum, but at this point he didn't care.

They stayed like that for a while, eventually stepping apart and Seunghyun smiled at his lover, pressing a gentle hand to his heart.

It was beating.

Steadily.

If Seunghyun could give his to Jiyong, other than figuratively, he would do it without a second thought.

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	39. Unusual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong's body was quite unusual.

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Jiyong's body was quite unusual.

People tended to peg Youngbae or Seungri as the sporty ones because they were more built than Jiyong in general, but what they didn't know was that Youngbae sometimes just preferred to spend time with his wife rather than work out and Seungri was just too busy some days to do any sport or even think about it.

And while Seunghyun had a good built and was quite okay and in good shape, he just loved to smoke and drink too much and just couldn't bother. Daesung and Jiyong were the athletic ones.

Seunghyun winced as he watched his lover stretch in a position that seemed particularly painful.

When people thought of athletic men, they immediately imagined people with excessive build, tall and really muscled; like Daesung. And it was normal, hell, even Seunghyun thought that.

But Jiyong hid it well. He was skinny, but what people didn't see under his clothes, or might see by the rare shot of Jiyong while bare-chest was the incredible built he had. He was lean and muscled.

His whole body was one mass of slim, perfectly defined muscles. There wasn't an ounce of fat on his body: it was like everything that he had on him was rationed to the mere necessary. His skin was thin and taut on his bones. He was _dry_. He was only skin, bones and muscles.

He was slender, trim and… _perfect_.

Seunghyun loved his body. He loved to touch his stomach, flat and hard, his muscles rippling under his fingers. He loved to watch them move under his skin and he just couldn't get enough of him stretching after jogging for _ten fucking miles_. Seunghyun could only lick his lips at the sweaty, glittery back.

"Stop staring, you perv, and help me," Jiyong said after a while, startling Seunghyun.

Seunghyun snorted and got up from the bed to sit on the floor behind Jiyong. "I'll never understand why you do that to yourself," Seunghyun muttered under his breath, pressing his hands between Jiyong's shoulder blades and gently pushing forward. "You're such a lazy troll on stage and during TV shows…I don't get it." 

Jiyong was nearly bent in two, his chest practically flat on the carpeted floor, his arms stretched in front of him and his legs spread on the sides almost like a split.

Jiyong snorted and turned his head to look over his shoulder, his cheek resting on the floor. "I keep in shape. Nothing wrong with that; you should too."

Seunghyun traced his hands up and down Jiyong's back in a well known routine and grabbed Jiyong's waist, resting his thumb on his lover's spine and putting pressure on it. Jiyong hissed and after several more seconds of holding the position, he straightened up and bent one arm behind his back, his palm flat on his shoulder blade.

"I don't see why hurting my body sounds like a good idea," Seunghyun said after a while, licking his lips in appreciation.

Because Jiyong in running shorts, bare chest and bare foot, stretching _like a cat_ was one of the best views a man could dream of.

Jiyong changed of position, now bending his other arm with his legs stretched in front of him and shook his head. "I'm not hurting myself, Hyunni," he answered patiently, "I'm having a healthy lifestyle."

The taller man snorted and leaned against the foot of the bed. "By waking up at the crack of dawn to go run for _three hours_ after an entire day in the studio?" he asked incredulously, "by getting scolded by our poor bodyguards every time you outrun them?" he shook his head and shuddered theatrically, "by not drinking anymore except _that_ glass of wine you _indulge_ with me," his grimace deepened, "by eating all this healthy food…by not smocking?"

He shuddered just at the thought about all the green stuff generally filling Jiyong's plates.

The small man snorted. "Come on, Seunghyun, eating vegetables isn't that bad! And mom's so happy I stopped smocking!" he exclaimed and brought his stretched legs in front of him, touching his hands to his foot.

"I eat vegetables!" Seunghyun exclaimed, outraged.

Jiyong sniggered. "The grape in wine isn't really fruit, love," he said in a condescending voice, a cat smile on his lips.

Seunghyun crossed his arms over his chest. "Well at least I'm not addicted," he growled.

Jiyong straightened up and turned to look at his lover. "What do you mean?" he asked, surprise on his face.

Seunghyun looked at him. "Doing sport is good, but in your case you push yourself too hard. Between days in the studio, dance practices, concerts, not enough sleep and life on the road, and the fact that you skip a lot of meals, you're doing more bad than good to your body," he said.

Jiyong looked at him skeptically and Seunghyun nodded. "For example," he continued, "when you don't run for two or three days straight you're shaking and hurting all over, just because you didn't get your endorphin shoot."

Jiyong pursed his lips and shrugged. "Yeah, well, I've always ran. I don't think I can stop now."

Seunghyun nodded and ran a gentle hand through the sweaty ebony hair. "I know that. I just wish you'd lower the pressure and stress you put on your body. That you would take better care of yourself."

Jiyong nodded at Seunghyun's words but the taller man knew he was unconvinced. For Jiyong, running was more than just keeping in shape. It was an outlet; like music, but a different kind. Jiyong put his emotional fears, joys and pains in his music, but while running he could forget how to be G-Dragon and get everything out of him _physically_ , by sweating it.

"You should stop smoking, hyung," Jiyong suddenly said.

Seunghyun frowned at Jiyong. "I don't smoke that much," he grumbled. It had always been one of the biggest disagreements between them since Jiyong stopped.

Jiyong snorted. "Maybe," he conceded, "but you've been smoking for a long while."

Seunghyun stared at him, an eyebrow lifting. "I'm in great shape too, thank you!"

Jiyong looked at him sideways with a small, barely there smile at the corner of his mouth. "When, Seunghyun?" he asked, "at school you were _dying_ just from walking down the corridors," he snorted, "then our first flat when we were trainees!" he exclaimed excitedly, kneeling in front of Seunghyun, "we had to go up _three_ flights of stairs every day and you always collapsed on the couch in the end!" 

Seunghyun smirked with a shrug and looked into his lover's pretty eyes. "Well I was _fat_ before, but now I'm okay."

Jiyong smiled at him tenderly and nodded. "Yeah, you are," he giggled and pinched one of Seunghyun's hip, gripping a bit of skin between his fingers.

Seunghyun chuckled and batted his hand away, leaning over to kiss Jiyong quickly on the lips. "Come on, go shower, I'll fix us a nice breakfast."

Jiyong eyed him suspiciously while getting up. "You won't cook my rice in oil this time?" he asked.

Seunghyun laughed and shook his head. "No, I promise, baby. And it was only a joke," he snorted. Jiyong and his distaste for anything remotely greasy…it had always baffled him.

"Okay," Jiyong nodded and walked to the bathroom slowly sliding his running shorts and boxers down his trim hips and sinful thighs.

Seunghyun stopped dead in his track and simply stared.

Of course, while he thought Jiyong was crazy for always going overboard, he couldn't deny his lover had the most gorgeous body he had even seen. "Look at those legs," he whispered to himself, licking his lips. "And look at that ass!" he said to the empty bedroom and rushed to the bathroom.

To hell with that rice!

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	40. Wooing Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In some ways, wooing a guy is harder than a girl.

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In some ways, wooing a guy is harder than a girl.

The usual, like candy and flowers, just didn't seem right with a guy like Jiyong. And he wasn't interested in just being friends with benefits. He wanted more.

So, he bought a set of golf clubs and said, "How about a round? I'll even pay for lunch."

"You want to play golf?" Jiyong asked in wonder.

"We never tried it."

Jiyong gave him a smile that lit up his entire face, hazel eyes dancing happily, bright and beautiful and crazy red hair glowing under the sun.

Seunghyun sucked at it, of course, repeatedly throwing the ball in the water, but Jiyong laughed and tried to get Seunghyun into position and help him swing.

It was not all bad.

He begged his mom for the recipe of Jiyong's favorite cookies and Seunghyun even got poor Youngbae to bake them for him and he enjoyed seeing Jiyong devour them. "Your mom and my Bae are awesome," Jiyong said with a knowing glint in his eyes, licking his fingers.

"Well, I'll be sure to tell them," Seunghyun snorted in found amusement.

There was a small coffee shop near the dorms, so Seunghyun took Jiyong there, bought them all sorts of overpriced pastries and drinks.

As the day ended and they were just walking along the Han River, Seunghyun turned to Jiyong. "Did you have fun today?" asked Seunghyun with a hopeful look.

"Yes," answered Jiyong, sweet and loving.

There must have been something about the look on Seunghyun's face because Jiyong suddenly looked delighted. He titled a little and Seunghyun bent slightly closer and closer until they kissed.

It had been a perfect day.

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End file.
